ermagherd translator for node.js

ermagherd.js

// to use in nodejs, just var erma = require('./ermagherd.js').ermagherd;
// erma.gherd('my string');

var erma = {
	translate: function(word) {
        // Don't translate short words
        if (word.length == 1) {
            return word;
        }

        // Handle specific words
        switch (word) {
        case 'AWESOME':
            return 'ERSUM';
        case 'BANANA':
            return 'BERNERNER';
        case 'BAYOU':
            return 'BERU';
        case 'FAVORITE':
        case 'FAVOURITE':
            return 'FRAVRIT';
        case 'GOOSEBUMPS':
            return 'GERSBERMS';
        case 'LONG':
            return 'LERNG';
        case 'MY':
            return 'MAH';
        case 'THE':
            return 'DA';
        case 'THEY':
            return 'DEY';
        case 'WE\'RE':
            return 'WER';
        case 'YOU':
            return 'U';
        case 'YOU\'RE':
            return 'YER';
        }

        // Before translating, keep a reference of the original word
        var originalWord = word;

        // Drop vowel from end of words
        if (originalWord.length > 2) { // Keep it for short words, like "WE"
            word = word.replace(/[AEIOU]$/, '');
        }

        // Reduce duplicate letters
        word = word.replace(/[^\w\s]|(.)(?=\1)/gi, '');

        // Reduce adjacent vowels to one
        word = word.replace(/[AEIOUY]{2,}/g, 'E'); // TODO: Keep Y as first letter
        // DOWN -> DERN
        word = word.replace(/OW/g, 'ER');

        // PANCAKES -> PERNKERKS
        word = word.replace(/AKES/g, 'ERKS');

        // The mean and potatoes: replace vowels with ER
        word = word.replace(/[AEIOUY]/g, 'ER'); // TODO: Keep Y as first letter
        // OH -> ER
        word = word.replace(/ERH/g, 'ER');

        // MY -> MAH
        word = word.replace(/MER/g, 'MAH');

        // FALLING -> FERLIN
        word = word.replace('ERNG', 'IN');

        // POOPED -> PERPERD -> PERPED
        word = word.replace('ERPERD', 'ERPED');

        // MEME -> MAHM -> MERM
        word = word.replace('MAHM', 'MERM');

        // Keep Y as first character
        // YES -> ERS -> YERS
        if (originalWord.charAt(0) == 'Y') {
            word = 'Y' + word;
        }

        // Reduce duplicate letters
        word = word.replace(/[^\w\s]|(.)(?=\1)/gi, '');

        // YELLOW -> YERLER -> YERLO
        if ((originalWord.substr(-3) == 'LOW') && (word.substr(-3) == 'LER')) {
            word = word.substr(0, word.length - 3) + 'LO';
        }

        return word;
    },

	gherd: function(text) {
        if (!text) return '';

        text = text.toUpperCase();

        var words = text.split(' '),
            translatedWords = [];

        for (var j in words) {
            var prefix = words[j].match(/^\W+/) || '',
                suffix = words[j].match(/\W+$/) || '',
                word = words[j].replace(prefix, '').replace(suffix, '');

            if (word) {
                // Is translatable
                translatedWords.push(prefix + this.translate(word) + suffix);
            } else {
                // Is punctuation
                translatedWords.push(words[j]);
            }
        }

        return translatedWords.join(' ');
    }
};

exports.ermagherd = erma;