Charlottesville, VA -- We Kicked That Ball (WKTB) has temporarily signed third baseman Jesse Prehodick in order to field a legal team for this week's 12:00 game against Homey Don't Kick That. With five players out this week from their 11-person roster, WKTB was in danger of playing short-handed in a crucial early-season game. Prehodick's participation brings the team back up to a fieldable seven, though it's surely going to be a strenuous day for the team.
Fans wondering how WKTB's roster has so quickly been cut in half need only look at the recent injuries and illnesses that have hit the locker room. Coach Derek Brameyer was hobbled last game and will be resting a lower left leg injury; Trung Tran will be filling in for him. Third baseman and kicking powerhouse Woody Zantzinger III came down with spontaneous dental hydroplosion this past Tuesday. While not a particularly serious illness, team doctor Emily Parker was steadfast in her decision to keep Zantzinger out of this week's game: "Spontaneous dental hydroplosion is no laughing matter. Bed rest and plenty of solid foods help, and athletic activity is probably the worst thing Woody can do right now. I prescribed him Five Guys burgers and fries and a weekend of watching the NFL championship games."
As for the rest of the team, first baseman Mike Silverman is out this week with hot dog fingers, which naturally would prevent him from being effective in the outfield. The dynamic duo of Blake and Kathryn Ware have both come down with acute Count Choculitis, likely due to a lack of sweet candy in their diets.
Prehodick's signing this week does not come without its share of questions. The all-star third baseman for rival team Here 4 Beer, Prehodick controversially signed with them over his hometown team, WKTB. Prehodick is ready to put aside those differences, and is excited to take the field: "I grew up with a lot of these guys. We went to the same high school. I still see them every now and then when I go to the grocery store. They're good friends, and I'm happy to help."
The league has been debating increasing the total number of innings played to nine. It is speculated that this is an attempt to give teams more opportunities against top squads like WKTB. After witnessing a dominant 12-0 shutout by WKTB last week, league officials met behind closed doors to discuss possibly significant rule changes. They'll unveil any changes this Sunday, and one has to wonder just how much abuse the WKTB roster can take if their depleted squad is forced to play through nine arduous innings.