Top 41 excuses for not doing the washing up

washing_up.md

Top 41 excuses for not doing the washing up:

1. Because saying “I'll do it now” is the same as actually doing it.
2. If I stop half-way through, the elves will finish it overnight.
3. I'm too busy this year, I need every minute to sleep, work, play, drink, go out, read Reddit and generate more washing up.
4. All I need is a little bit of leeway. And some more. And more.
5. I did some other chore once.
6. I can't help generating washing up: I need to eat. Washing up, though, is not needed for survival.
7. The water isn't the right temperature.
8. I can't wash up cause there's no room in the drying rack.
9. Doing it straight away is too quick and easy, it's more fun to leave it until it's an hour's work.
10. Doing the washing up is like flushing the toilet: optional.
11. I don't need to use my housemate's pan in the next couple of weeks anyway.
12. Reminding me to do the washing up is passive-aggressive and uncool. I'll just sulk here.
13. Washing four dishes is the same as actually washing up all of it.
14. Discovering weeks-old rotting bits of chicken in the pan was fun last time! (Actually happened)
15. I thought Dewi was doing it, we agreed earlier. Telepathically.
16. I'm trying to break a record. Sponsor me?
17. It's not like I'm an actual adult.
18. It's not like I share the kitchen with anyone else.
19. We'll laugh about this one day. Good times, yeah?
20. My housemate left the dishes overnight once.
21. I ought to be paid.
22. Nobody thanks me for doing it or gives me golden stickers like my Mum does when I use the toilet like a big boy.
23. The sum of enough excuses is a valid reason.
24. Just because my housemate made a list of “top excuses not to do the washing up”, doesn't mean he's actually annoyed by me not doing it.
25. Just because he's annoyed at me doesn't mean I should do anything about it.
26. Just because I don't do anything about it, doesn't mean I'm legitimately annoying.
27. My housemate annoys me by doing X. Leaving the dishes is the best way to sort it out.
28. If it's so annoying to him, my housemate only needs to learn to communicate better by always reminding me all the time. It's a misunderstanding, really.
29. It's too early in the morning.
30. It's too late at night.
31. There's no need to do it now, I can do it tonight or tomorrow morning.
32. Tomorrow, I'll be able to do it the day after, within a day or two...
33. You can't expect me to wash up after myself and flush, I don't have that much willpower!
34. It smells even worse than yesterday.
35. I need to let it soak a couple more days.
36. I'm only 99% certain those dishes are mine.
37. My housemates enjoy doing it for me, really.
38. Patience builds my housemate's character. I'm doing him a favour.
39. Not doing the washing up is the highlight of my fun personality, I wouldn't want to spoil that and become a soulless decent person.
40. I'm the alpha male of the house. See, I even say I'll do the washing up and never do it! Definitely alpha male stuff.
41. I've told you a hundred times this month that I'll do it, why are you still so sceptical? Block