Hi ,
Thank you for your email. We take our responsibilities very seriously and we’re sorry to say the terms of your email have been contravened both by you and by us:
This email has been reproduced and disseminated by servers out of our control when you chose to send it to us. We feel we can’t be held responsible for this.
This email has also been reproduced when it was downloaded to be read. This may have resulted in it being copied multiple times as there may have been multiple devices that received it. Again, we feel we can’t be held responsible for this given we could not be aware that such action would be against the terms of your email.
This email has been reproduced in order to reply to you. We’re assuming tacit agreement here, but you clearly state “express permission”. Since there have already been a number of transgressions we feel that in for a penny, in for a pound, but we do find it interesting that you would hamstring people from replying to an email that otherwise invites reply in order to gain business. As an aside you ask us to consider the environment before printing the email directly after forbidding us to reproducing it. Surely printing is in direct violation of this and therefore a moot point.
This email will have been reproduced to get to your mail servers. This is a deliberate action on our part and clearly in flagrant violation of your terms. Should you feel the need to sue we understand.
There is a generic inbox and as such there are no “addressees”, unless you intend that to mean everyone at this company, and anyone acting on their behalf. I would ask you to confirm but our legal team have advised us to ask you to stop emailing us since we are unable to abide by the terms and conditions you have chosen.
Yours,
Everyone at working here, plus everyone working on their behalf, their agents, nominated representatives, families thereof, friends, acquaintances and anyone else we’ve forgotten.
The information contained in this message or any of its attachments is strictly confidential and is intended exclusively for the person who sent us the rediculous disclaimer/terms in the first place. We allow for this message to be reproduced, copied or disseminated for the sole purpose of delivery to said person. Once read we require that the message be destroyed and that person never speak of it again, to anyone, ever. Representatives may be represented by us to post images of this message to social media for purposes of trolling. We provides unlimited license for these officially sanctioned social media posts to be duplicated, disseminated, or disclosed at will. This email is for business purposes and external use only. Your house may be at risk if you do not maintain payments towards your mortgage or any loan secured against it. This email does not constitute financial advice. May contain nuts.