I'm sure everybody's written ten of these...

ns_ps.erl

-module(ns_ps).

-export([nps/0, nps/1, ps/0, ps/1]).

interestingThings() ->
    [current_function, initial_call, message_queue_len,
     total_heap_size, heap_size, stack_size, reductions].

defaultOutput(S) -> io:format("~s~n", [S]).

ps(Output) ->
    InterestingParts = interestingThings(),
    lists:foreach(fun (Proc) ->
                          try
                              Info = process_info(Proc),
                              Output([string:join(
                                       [atom_to_list(node())|
                                         lists:map(fun (X) ->
                                                           io_lib:format("~p",
                                                                         [proplists:get_value(X, Info)])
                                                   end,
                                                   InterestingParts)],
                                       "\t"
                                      )])
                          catch _:_ -> ok
                          end
                  end,
                  processes()).

ps() -> ps(fun defaultOutput/1).

nps(Output) ->
    InterestingParts = interestingThings(),
    Output(string:join(lists:map(fun erlang:atom_to_list/1, [node|InterestingParts]), ",")),
    lists:foreach(
      fun(Node) -> rpc:call(Node, ?MODULE, ps, [Output]) end,
      nodes(known)).

nps() -> nps(fun defaultOutput/1).