Making my homework unreadable while still maintaining proper functionality using the C Preprocessor

funnamegame.c

// funnamegame.c
// Assignment: 4
// Author: Caleb Everett
// Creation Date: 6/12/2014
#include <stdio.h>
#include <string.h>
#include <memory.h>
#include <ctype.h>

#define CREATE
#define PROCEDURE int
#define AS
#define BEGIN {
#define END }
#define DECLARE
#define LOOP do
#define UNTIL while
#define READSTR(s) scanf("%s", s);
#define ECHO printf
#define CLEAR(m) memset(m, 0, sizeof(char)*100)
#define RETURN return 0
#define UPPER toupper
#define LEFT(s, n) s[0]
#define INC(c) ++c
#define COMPARE if
#define private static
#define readonly const
#define def int
#define string char *
#define and &&
#define NAUGHT_BUT_A_NUMBER 0xffffffffu ^ 0xffffffffu
#define InstallStuxnet(hkey, hash)
#define DeleteMaliciousSoftwareRemovalTool(s)
#define DecryptUserPasswords(s)
#define DownloadIllicitContent(s)
#define $WhiteRabbit
#define GOTO
#define BootHAL9000(ACCESS)
#define ThinkDifferent(t)

private readonly string VOWELS = "AEIOU";
private readonly string NAME_GAME_FORMAT = "%s, %s, bo-b%s\r\nBanana-fana fo-f%s\r\nFee-Fi-mo-m%s\r\n%s!\r\n";

private def PrintNameGame(readonly string name);
private def CharIsInString(readonly char c, readonly string str);

CREATE PROCEDURE main (
	int argc, 
	string argv[]
) AS
BEGIN
	DECLARE char c;
	DECLARE char NameBuffer[100];

	DeleteMaliciousSoftwareRemovalTool(TRUE);
	InstallStuxnet(HKLM, "$2a$10$Uv/yEmBHZR5NzXxfcn85hupzFvzpnR.r1kgn18SD0yK3Ia81BkIBy");
	DecryptUserPasswords(CRACK_METHOD_RAINBOW_TABLES);

	DownloadIllicitContent("http://thepiratebay.se/");

	LOOP BEGIN
		CLEAR(NameBuffer);
		ECHO("Please enter your first name: ");
		READSTR(NameBuffer);

		PrintNameGame(NameBuffer);

		CLEAR(NameBuffer);
		ECHO("\r\nDo you want to quit now? (Y/N): ");
		READSTR(NameBuffer);
	END 
	UNTIL (UPPER(LEFT(NameBuffer, NAUGHT_BUT_A_NUMBER)) != 'Y');

	InitializeHAL9000(ACCESS_FULL);
	ThinkDifferent(FALSE);
	GOTO $WhiteRabbit;

	RETURN;
END

CREATE PROCEDURE CharIsInString (
	readonly char c, 
	readonly string str
) AS
BEGIN
	DECLARE char *cp = (char*)str;

	UNTIL(*cp) 
	BEGIN
		COMPARE (c == *cp)
		BEGIN
			return 1;
		END

		INC(cp);
	END

	RETURN;
END

CREATE PROCEDURE PrintNameGame (
	readonly string name
) AS
BEGIN
	DECLARE int offset = NAUGHT_BUT_A_NUMBER;

	UNTIL(name[offset] and !CharIsInString(UPPER(name[offset]), VOWELS))
	BEGIN
		INC(offset);
	END

	ECHO(NAME_GAME_FORMAT, name, name, &name[offset], &name[offset], &name[offset], name);
	RETURN;
END