jesus_christ.rb

weather           = data['data']
location          = weather['nearest_area'][0]['areaName'][0]['value']
current_condition = weather['current_condition'][0]
time              = current_condition['localObsDateTime']
description       = current_condition['weatherDesc'][0]['value']

return "Current Weather in #{location} as of #{time} - #{current_condition}"

# ... and so on

kill_me.rb

return "Current Weather in #{data['data']['nearest_area'][0]['areaName'][0]['value']} as of #{data['data']['current_condition'][0]['localObsDateTime']} - #{data['data']['current_condition'][0]['weatherDesc'][0]['value']}, #{data['data']['current_condition'][0]['temp_F']}F (#{data['data']['current_condition'][0]['temp_C']}C), humidity: #{data['data']['current_condition'][0]['humidity']}%, wind: #{data['data']['current_condition'][0]['winddir16Point']} #{data['data']['current_condition'][0]['windspeedMiles']}mph (#{data['data']['current_condition'][0]['windspeedKmph']}kph), visibility: #{(data['data']['current_condition'][0]['visibility'].to_i * 0.621371).round(2)}mi (#{data['data']['current_condition'][0]['visibility']}km), pressure: #{(data['data']['current_condition'][0]['pressure'].to_i * 0.02953).round(2)}inHg (#{data['data']['current_condition'][0]['pressure']}mbar)."