miva_e_velnar.txt

>> miva e velnar

rens / kelk: mosii (serfan akuno)
estel: kozet

"ketta, re komis sa non!"

yumel o yumel, ka kalte flon o flon,	#Your translation: ka zok e daizkad fanzel o fuo kolm ses sol neeme t'imelnia
rsiilator daizkad verx o fanzel		#"daizkad" should be an object of "kolm"("rsiil" would be better). "fuo" is colloquial.
sol neeme lant oken imelnia		#I added "lant" in order to make up for the number of syllables.
le til onval tis tolis.			#"l'et tolis onval tis" is also OK. "hot" = "nothing/nobody but", "tis" = "no more than"

lu tilat rakon sein faav yun fanvel
o yurens oken eel l'et myul a luut.	#"myul" is an adjective or a preposition.
est e pab le lu siina at josefiin.	#"pab siina" is also OK.
iltul ont illan at luut ilmel.

silm gil em sej fiinaen non,
re vaf tuus i kadan leit sein.		#"vaf" would be appropriate instead of "jor".
silm xelan tel fan non hapel,
re sanjelik luus ilmel.

"ketta, re komis sa non!"

miina e velnar et mans yunfil		
kokko imel mon yun xante t'anjur.	#"xante t'anjur"(lit. "a yellow full moon") is an idiom meaning something amusing or exciting.
sezo bettel sein mesen lu miina
ou, em almans vol em kait luut.		#"kaal em sil kulala see almans" is not grammatical.

lu neeme keete hatiat			#You do not need to suffix "-(e)s" to "hatia".
yul vik soret raken tier.
tal lu vik feelat
yul min diia le ra kad amox.

neeme genomat lu ento em coki.		#"neeme genomat ont emat coki" is also OK.
im xe sel, lu axivat alda luut,
see lu rensat kokko xiv seer
"re grein kad e diia"

ra xeaalx at fai a dolf,
livro xeaalx at sedo.
emx e lan sein le na garv on tu		#You should use "garv" as a noun in this case. "garv" as a verb means "to make someone suffer". 
vatl lu neeme yuul.

"lulu, tu et im e sobel xan"		#"xa(n)" is correct instead of "na".

miina e velnar et mans yunfil
kokko nim sein cokian.			#"baona" is a noun meaning "abnormal sexuality". 
olta tu miina et lant tinka,
ou, el oj vil tu mil pis di rakan.	#"too (adj.)" is "(adj.) rak(an)" in Arka.

lana vast lu neeme e velnar,		#"fiina" cannot take a clause as its object. 
ai, kadan sein ar kit dalf tel lu.	#"niks" and "nekxtam" do not have figurative meanings.
solxe le sake a luus ruuf		#"lead A to B" is "sake B a A".
et freian min le sabes hons har.

naaze luutes es hant fol fil 
ento fax ilm e kad luutes.	
vai tis ani milgaal vas fil
et sen retl luutes yuul.

ai, luus selan mesik daizra,
il res luut elfik a xe.
lu neeme ank o yunfi
ai, im tur, fosik yu.

"lilis et xille!"

miina e velnar et mans yunfil
kokko nim sein ent yun atiili.		#I added "yun atiili", which makes an antithesis to "yun xante t'anjur". 
diakacte fiinaen lu neeme,
ou, sil vern minatel yun xeanalt.	#"vern fimel" would be unnatural in Arka.

yumel o yumel, ka kalte flon o flon,
rsiilator daizkad verx o fanzel
sol neeme lant oken imelnia
le til onval tis tolis.

mel t'adis luut et poen saam
teu mel le tinl e xiika et fo.
lu lan l'el anxat lex neeme
lo to pot yukka vesel eyo?		#"ves" cannot be used without "-el" when it is an adverb.

ai, le halis len adis lunak.
see tinl le klak took ik fo.
kont lu lai fan selan yuul,
"lu neeme" rensik tu.

"lulu, tu et im e sobel xan."		#You should use "lulu" when you become aware of something positive.

miina e velnar et met yunfil
kokko nim sein mon yun dialiiva.
selan xien lu rens sil tu.
ou, lu at seelel miva e velnar.

ansentant.

tal "iltul o illan at luut ilmel" et fes man el ku "ont" sa vesto. tu et ax "iltul ont illan at luut ilmel".

ansentant. an ivlik tu.
see an aliosik estel tiil a took antisee.