backup.js

// Feb 21, 2016, 4:31 AM
// I have no idea why I wrote this
console.clear();

var identities = [];

var identity = function () {
	var symbol = '█████';
	var color = (this.color || '#000');
  var repeated = (identities.indexOf(color) >= 0);
  var output = (repeated ? identity() : [`%c${symbol}`, `color: ${color};`]);
  return output;
};

var hexadecimal = function () {
	var white = 16777215;
	var code = Math.floor(Math.random() * white).toString(16);
	return `#${code}`;
};

var noop = function () {
	return;
};

var value = function () {
	return this.value;
};

var array = function (input) {
	var empty = ((input === undefined) || (input === null));
  var string = (typeof input === 'string');
  var prototype = (!empty && !string && (Object.getPrototypeOf(input) !== input.constructor.prototype));
  var number = (typeof input === 'number');
  var boolean = (typeof input === 'boolean');
  var executable = (typeof input === 'function');
  var object = ((typeof input === 'object') && !empty && !('length' in input));
  var singular = [empty, string, prototype, number, boolean, executable, object];
  var valid = !!!singular.filter(Boolean).length;
  var collection = (!empty && Array.prototype.slice.call(input));
  var collectible = (valid && !!collection.length);
	var output = (!collectible ? [input] : collection);
	return {
  	value: value.bind({value: output}),
    valid: value.bind({value: valid})
	};
};

var post = function () {
	var url = this.url;
  var data = this.data;
  var load = this.load;
	var request = new XMLHttpRequest();
  var header = 'Content-Type';
  var value = 'application/x-www-form-urlencoded; charset=UTF-8';
	request.open('POST', url, true);
	request.setRequestHeader(header, value);
  request.addEventListener('load', load);
	return request.send(data);
};

var log = function () {	
	var type = (this.type || 'log');
  var color = this.color;
  var prefix = identity.call({color});
  var params = array(arguments).value();
  var output = prefix.concat(params);
	return console[type].apply(console, output);
};

var resolve = function () {
	var done = this.done;
  var task = this.queue.shift();
  var handler = (task || done);
	return handler(done.bind(this));
};

var enqueue = function (task) {
	return this.queue.push(task);
};

var receive = function (event) {
	var target = (event.target || event.currentTarget);
	var response = (target.response || target.responseText);
  var color = this.color;
  var position = this.position;
  var item = this.item;
  var handler = (!!item ? log : noop);
  var context = {color};
  handler.call(context, position, item, response);
  return resolve.call(this);
};

var retrieve = function (done) {
	var url = '/echo/json/';
  var timestamp = (new Date()).getTime();
  var input = {timestamp};
  var json = JSON.stringify(input);
	var data = `json=${json}`;
	var context = Object.assign(this, {done});
  var load = receive.bind(context);
  return post.call({url, data, load});
};

var then = function (done) {
	var context = Object.assign({}, this, {done});
  return resolve.call(context);
};

var to = function (execute) {
  var collection = this.collection.value();
  var valid = this.collection.valid();
  var chain = {then: then.bind(this)};
  var iterate = collection.forEach.bind(collection, execute.bind(this));
  var skip = execute.bind(this);
  var handler = (valid ? iterate : skip);
  handler();
  return chain;
};

var use = function (input) {
	var color = hexadecimal();
	var queue = [];
	var collection = array(input);
  var context = {color, queue, input, collection};
  var chain = {to: to.bind(context)};
  return chain;
};

var request = function (item, position) {
	var context = Object.assign({}, this, {position, item});
	return enqueue.call(context, retrieve.bind(context));
};

var warn = function () {
	var input = this.input;
  var color = this.color;
  var context = {color};
  return log.call(context, input, 'complete!');
};

var execute = function (item) {
	return use(item).to(request).then(warn);
};

var items = [
  {foo: 'bar'},
  [123, 456, 987, 'a', 'b', 'c'],
  'LOL',
  undefined,
  false,
  null,
  1,
  new Date(),
  document.getElementsByTagName('script'),
  document.querySelectorAll('meta'),
  new RegExp('a'),
  Array.prototype,
  function () {},
  Object,
  true
];

items.forEach(execute);