part2.srt

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you have to change the conversation you have with your kids and about being multicultural and living in a multicultural and balance teria types and things like that 

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so with our children 

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I actually think it's a little different for each child every child is a little bit different 

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my daughter has a very small close knit you know 3 or 4 

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friend group I sign has 

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and array of friends and 

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and they have grown up and 

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a predominately white society 

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you know it's completely different 

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at least for me completely different than my childhood experiences and you know what I dealt with and so there is there's a balance that I feel that's necessary 

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and I've actually wrestled with it here 

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you know this past summer and where 

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how do you allow them to be who they are and and X. experience the things that they're going to experience to make their experience is genuine to them 

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and I portray 

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you know the world's experiences all ranks braces on on them 

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but also educate them and say okay 

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this is your experience 

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but you still need to be cognizant of 

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the world in cognizant of what happens in especially 

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I mean you really touched me more so 

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with the riots and protests and everything with my son more so than my put my daughter 

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primarily just because I think 

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African American males are you different than African American females and 

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the wait on him 

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could be a little different 

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even though he's younger and it's probably more entrenched with 

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you know a friend group 

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that doesn't look like him 

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and then even my daughter and so 

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I think if you're not careful you will you will you want your kids to inherit so many things but 

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and you have to be intentional about them not in here and you're paying 

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because they they do have a different world 

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but they also you have to 

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as parents also make them aware of people that think differently than are around them or just the city that they've grown up in and especially as our daughter is getting ready to graduate and go to college 

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you ask these questions inside as a parent have a prepared you like I I know you know how to live right here 

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and we live it will act only living a double bubble just because it's not just first world but you know it 

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for us it's it's first world south like so it it really kind of can 

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W. into a particular thought but 

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I want them to be ready for the world 

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and 

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I think that 

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did for us 

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Reese is always been a conversation because 

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I think that there there is an awareness of difference and questions and where everything sparked up 

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and this past summer 

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I think it became conversations for some families 

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but this is a normal in in just like you said the kids really do had they had different experiences this my son very early on was aware that he was different 

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earlier than I would say our daughter 

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he kept wanting his hair to be flat 

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really wanted it flattens out what I want here to stick out 

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and I was like I'll put that in I don't have stick out here inside 

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I can't you wouldn't be our kid if you could stick out here unless it's so you know this is this your ours and this is you know we've curly hair 

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and so I I think that this place is we're very aware for him 

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and 

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I think that being able to navigate that and not put your own stuff on them 

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is used 

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it is definitely up a Holy Spirit need to say what do we know how to handle this 

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I don't want to do with this child in front of me with what they need and what they have and hold on to the places I'm still processing because I would love to say that this summer was like I already have all these formulated thoughts about this I can handle this this is fine we are do you know what we think about this but it's not it's pain 

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it's people it's and when you 

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when there are no differences and that could be your kin 

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that is looked at that way 

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and is not 

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is having to work out from something just to get on level ground 

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thank you 

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you do everything you can to protect your children 

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and that is 

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you can't control everything 

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and 

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the of the polarization of of today's society is a little different because 

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you know in our friend group close friend group yeah so we lived we moved here to to Dallas 

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it was just us we wanted to 

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really get away from family and raise our kids the way that we you know we wanted to raise them without having sound selfish but it's it's fact motivations 

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we wanted to get away from 

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hello I'm trying to find those pondering way 

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we did there you go 

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yes we wanted a fresh start 

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so so with our kids 

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we wanted a fresh start I regret reading 9 

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when we were married we stayed 2 years and and Alabama and then we moved here to Dallas and so we've been here 

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my my daughter both my kids were born here 

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a because I didn't want the morning Alabama 

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primarily and people left this for the stereo type of having an Alabama Sir 

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at first the ticket 

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it just it meant that much to me and it it it still does 

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but the the reset racism that every 

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the world is experiencing now 

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even my kids view it completely different than someone else is kind of you and I think that's the that's the difference that no one gives the space to say 

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how is this person viewing it 

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you know it's for kids from their perspective not only not from our perspective you know from 

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you have to tell my kids like 

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if if I somehow got in trouble 

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the first person I'm calling on the other end of that 

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it is a white guy who's my brother and you know so that is 

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even that is completely different because that's my kids world you know what they 

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we're in fellowship with 

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but I don't look like us 

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and so if you 

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you have to be a little careful 

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you know I commission before you have to be a little careful where you don't 

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reject 

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you know even you know your thoughts of the world thoughts on them because they have their own environment that they're that they're doing 

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living with and dealing with 

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and it looks completely different than 

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how we grew up and how the world is today 

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some of their generation is way more multicultural than 

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our own and even though 

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isolated in the city were and still 

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there's still a noticeable difference 

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absolutely 

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let me ask you this when if you were trying to help someone navigate 

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change in America 

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how would you recommend 

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did they go about 

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determining 

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do I have 3 cats because then it doesn't 

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I think there's an obvious areas have to be battling on sculpture and rain 

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but then there's your advice if they're the only ones we have about gender 

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yeah 

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about socioeconomic status about politics and religion and how often you take a minute to thing 

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this is something we run our going 

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what do I do 

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how do I make it better for all of eternity 

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how do we go about identifying hazards as we may be carrying 

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and he said I think that is supposed to go in it 

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this is in my mind anyway 

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yes I was looking at it 

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but I have a 5 figure that out 

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in terms of 

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I like I lit up when you ask that question 

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so in terms of stereotypes 

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I think the biggest thing when it comes to stereotypes is everyone realizing 

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that they are stereotypical like that they think through the lens of a stereo type instead of 

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yeah I think sometimes we want to justify our stereo types and we want to say 

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you know 

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that's not a stereotype that is this 

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and as opposed to acknowledging insane 

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we are stereotypical people like we think in stereotypes that's how we're judging panel where we're human 

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and and I think sometimes ask for him 

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I think sometimes that 

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that is what gets us in trouble 

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where we begin to think even though it you know we're we're Christians and we might 

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we're supposed to be a certain way 

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I think we 

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we over glorify ourselves to think just because we've accepted Christ that we aren't stereotypical or we aren't racist or we are prejudice or what whatever 

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term you want to use 

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but I think the change really begins when you acknowledge for 

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hi I have 0 types 

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you know I have stereo types 

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within my own stereo types that are you know and and that's just what your own unconscious bias 

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yes 

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like you don't even realize 

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and you don't know what you don't know 

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and I think that when I am I know it's always shocking and people who want to come into a whole debate like you thought your race was over you know like about exactly about the word 

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and you're racist 

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it's almost better for me to call it something bigger so that I could just deal with it 

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and because I can see it head on and I can say I don't like that I don't like what they did I don't like how it makes me feel I don't and I think that's the the first part of bridging that is owning it instead of renaming it or justifying it 

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or so you know and I can you can kind of feel it even when I describe it I'm like what it means 

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so you know I mean but I had to own that I felt like I I wanted more to be in and included in something and to belong in something 

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and so it came at the cost of judging somebody 

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and and excluding somebody 

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and I think that that moment where 

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I think that we want to name and label all the other things 

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but I've got to own this place and it's definitely a part of even talking about it with our kids because they too can be influenced by social media and all these loud voices that saying and want to give you a conclusion about what's going on 

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and I think that the realities are is just the ownership of our humanity 

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I'm gonna make it 

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I'm gonna miss it 

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but when I miss it 

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except that we're messy so it's accepting that your messy 

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and while you were speaking about now personally I like to break stereotypes is just 

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yeah it's just something that brings joy to my heart when when I'm able to break a stereo type and so as now as a father 

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I try to put my kids in prison position where 

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their position a break service air attacks and you know 

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a it allows them to see certain things that 

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our expose them to it to areas that they would necessarily be exposed to so that they have the opportunity to 

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then it doesn't become a stereotype you know it becomes their way of life so to speak but 

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I think the MSE N. and also 

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going after I think it's good to go after some of those break in some stereo types I think 

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I think in the you know 

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for me is when you speak it 

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you know we're supposed to be meek and mild and all nice and 

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it's okay to to really go after you know trying to to break some of the things that you don't you don't believe it 

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I think you have to have to be willing to have uncomfortable conversations 

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and we've had that in the season with our friends that we've known for years and you know just even a friend of mine 

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yeah I was asking me she's like okay I know this is down but I'm just gonna ask you know 

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does this can it's going to be called African American or black 

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and I said well you should ask them 

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it when you meet Kenneth and you'll know that 

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M. Jose my name's Kenneth and people say all your names can you help Sagan 

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my name's Kenneth and you should pick up you'll see who cares who will pick up that he likes to be called Kenneth 

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and I think in the same way it's a reflection in it does it's going to take a brisk it's going to be uncomfortable but I think that those conversations 

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that you'll find even with our kids being different and what you're saying about the different ways in different pockets have encountered this 

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there is not a handbook on African Americans 

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you can't read it and know everything about that race 

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there's so many different people would turn it into a different personalities and gifting some callings and I think that it's gonna you have to get messy and you have to get on your own stuff you gotta get messy and then I think you actually you have to give time and relationship and 

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that's that's a big commodity to give that a lot of people 

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we just don't 

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and I would add space for failure because we're gonna get it wrong 

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yeah I have friends that you know 

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I want to give them space to save 

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Hey we love each other 

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I love you where relationships 

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we can get messy 

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we I'm gonna give you space to get something wrong 

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you know you're going to give you grace 

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and vice versa you know because 

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this is just you know to the everything's been polarized with just the African American race but every race deals with racism you know every race deals with with their and then you add gender and age and experience and education and 

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there's 

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if 

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it's amazing how much more common ground when you say have you ever felt diminished devalued unappreciated overlooked overseen 

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you know all those places when you put the emotion and you take away what it was 

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you know what caused it 

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the most people can land on that page together 

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I really like them a lot 

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I really like that yeah 

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I don't have the numbers in it 

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so when you break down that feeling of 

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knowing that you have been reduced to a stereotype 

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so the 

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so when you realize someone is nothing new for me 

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and I think it probably would have been there thank 

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the motion here how you can dance 

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how do you expand Razer's online and then she came back here I've been having problems all that way 

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how do you 

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connect to that place of them 

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how do you go about that when you're reading someone's doing inside 

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moon 

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what when when breaking someone stereo type 

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I feel like you have a handful of choices you can be 

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stereo typical embrace with stereo type you know you can feed into that narrative and say oh man 

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you know this person expects me to act like this 

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and so I'm I'm gonna act like that 

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or or you know you can you can be that 

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I love breaking stereotypes is just 

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I think it's awesome because I think god puts me has put me in a lot of different positions to 

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to break a lot of important stereo types in B. B. 

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yeah and now gets kind of old after a point time where you're the only in a room where you're you know 

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so it gets a little weighty 

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so you have to really 

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I pray about it and rely on god to to really help you in certain states because 

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can you have the weight of a race on your hand away to Virginia on your hand to 

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so every moment is kind of bigger than what it's supposed to be that bad might be a good statement where I said I gets a little heavy where 

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you know 

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but when someone when I feel in a situation where I'm being stereo types 

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it's kind of comical to me 

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I mean I've humor is my my gifting the help break 

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S. like he tends to go 

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was this monologue word or did you think I was going to do this 

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and he literally will go saying 

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and it kind of hit films that they're like all men are not you know nearly 

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and I think he creates an environment to let people be messy like this army the situation if the gas so it you know it's saying 

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I know this is awkward 

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I feel the tension and you know the tension you know so let's let's de escalate the situation and then we can just be human 

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you know now they're people that just don't like people you know and I think sometimes we we overplay that to 

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I mean there why people don't like white people you know there are 

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people that only want me in every race doesn't like you know single biography 

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you know I just this is not reality but 

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we get so caught up in our own narrative like oh man you know all of 

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all Hispanic people love their culture 

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you know that's not real 

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you know all African Americans love who they are and they all cook 

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no I mean you can look at the statistics that that is an accurate right 

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so you can only operate in your own stereo type you know but 

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I would say 

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relishing the moment of breaking the stereotype like but be sensitive to it you know be sensitive to what that other person may be feeling 

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or or really what Iranians help me with this 

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they may be 

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coming out of place of brokenness you know you don't know their their history or what they dealt with or or 

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the journey 

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yes I mean it it 

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and so sometimes I think we we get a little selfish with 

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our experience because it's ours and we don't try to 

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look at someone else's experience and we go because even through all of this you know what I even had at a as a 

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African American male going through all of what was going through with with everything happen this summer 

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I have to say man even my experience is completely different than 

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yeah 

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for example for right right right we all know right is bad thank you 

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but I found I couldn't judge someone that was riding a pro testing you know quite 

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I am I at 

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I'm not in there she was I don't know the frustration that you know 

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I know the frustration I have 

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but I don't know what 

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was the cause behind why they're doing what they're doing and I think so many people are so quick to 

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to put that stereo type on a situation instead of going back and going 

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mmhm 

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first came a little grace 

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you know and what's frustrating is 

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it happens so much in the church 

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you know I hear more about 

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I was talking to my my nephew attends universe out Bama 

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and we were who he voted for the first time and 

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yeah I obviously influence his you know he looks up to me so you know he was 

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tell me who voted for it 

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yeah I was a proud moment you know because you could tell man 

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I influenced his decision which 

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kind of selfish you know it's like okay gotcha 

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but 

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hi 

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he was really turned off even by other Christians that you know he just said man 

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I can't believe that my 

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your Christian friends are saying this about the other candidates or something of that nature and so we get so I read a statistic that know that 

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this election 

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for example there are so many everyone's on polar opposites 

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there there's no 

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moderate no no median behind what we're doing and I feel like that's part of the problem of where countries we're we're we're so far left or so far right 

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there's no middle ground to where we where we need to be 

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I would say that in 

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my connection 

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I had a totally different 

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I was very aware of being Egyptian 

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growing up 

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I think that was my first difference that I could notice but more of the places that have been uncomfortable for me 

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have been in being a woman 

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and I think that 

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those places that have been uncomfortable have created experiences that are really hard and I think that helped me to bridge 

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my understanding in what was going on I mean there's been so many things that I didn't I never knew 

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about African American culture and what it felt like being an African and African American man and just the different experiences that Kenneth walk through and then the same thing for Kenneth like he's he's never been a woman inside walking into a room that he knew the feeling of being in only 

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and I think that's why it was so much 

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we love this idea of being messy and creating safe places to fail and and owning your stuff and working their tension and being uncomfortable because I were not afforded that a lot of places 

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when you are the only and a lot of rooms you have to rise up and and so speak with greater weight 

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and there feels like there's greater repercussions because of it 

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and so when I am encountering someone who is 

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falling into the stereotype 

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and S. is assuming me into a stereo type 

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I just wanna say first I don't always get it right 

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that there are those moments that 

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I'm so triggered by it that I can't get out of my thoughts and I just I really just have to pray through 

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and I really have to I had a season where there was someone and who 

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he kept falling into the stereotype and I'm pretty sure he kept putting me into the stereotype and got asked me 

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and to spend that year 

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I had to put their Christmas card in my Bible and I prayed for him every single day 

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and it was hard 

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and I think it's it's still a process and I think for me I have to give myself permission to be in process and there's some people that are willing and open and I get to say I can tell I like to ask questions why have you ever thought about some different or have you ever thought about it from this point of view or could you could there be another way questions of the way that I learned and so I try to ask questions and I'll tell I can tell 

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by the first question so if they're willing to go somewhere with that or not 

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and if they're not 

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I just have to let people go 

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like it's not my responsibility 

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to change them 

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that's for them to own a meeting me as an opportunity for their change as well as it's my opportunity to grow as well 

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because of most of my judgments and have been out of my pain 

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and so I'm gonna you're gonna say one thing it's going to trigger something in my life 

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and in the silence I'm gonna fill in the narrative 

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and I you know we're on a journey we're trying to grow and get better and I think we're better in the collective 

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but when we isolate and we make up our own story 

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so whether we isolate by race or by gender or by politics or by city 

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you know we actually begin to diminish 

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what we could 

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no 

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if we stayed in the collective what we can gain from all of us coming in because we each are image bearers we each hold something that is an image of god and in the collective I get to see the fullness of time 

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but on my own 

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I may only get to see the side of his cheek and I wanna see space I want to see everything about him 

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yeah 

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really get 

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the best of our presence brings 

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can