Make WordPress Great Again

better-wp.php

<?php
// Inspired by http://jsfiddle.net/desandro/Ew6Zt/

add_action( 'admin_head', function(){
?>
<script>
jQuery(document).ready( function($) {
var colorTime = 0,
    waveTheta = 0,
    maxCount = 100,
    colorIncrement = -12,
    waveIncrement = 0.1,
    xPos = [ -2, -1, 0, 1, 2 ],
    yPos = [ -2, -1, 0, 1, 2 ],
    props = {};

var getTextShadow = function( x, y, hue ) {
  return ', ' + x + 'px ' + y + 'px hsl(' + hue + ', 100%, 50%)';
};

var animate = function() {
  var shadows = '0 0 transparent',
      hue0 = colorTime % 360,
      i, j, x, y,
      iLen = xPos.length, 
      jLen = yPos.length;

  // outline
  for ( i = 0; i < iLen; i++ ) {
    x = xPos[i];
    for ( j = 0; j < jLen; j++ ) {
      y = yPos[j];
      shadows += getTextShadow( x, y, hue0 );
    }
  }

  // renders rainbow river
  for ( i = 1; i < maxCount; i++ ) {
    var normI = i / maxCount,
        hue = ( normI * 360 * 2 + colorTime ) % 360;
    x = ~~( ( Math.sin( normI * Math.PI * 2 + waveTheta ) - Math.sin( waveTheta ) )  * 50 );
    y = i * 3;
    shadows += getTextShadow( x, y, hue );
  }

  props.groovy.style.textShadow = shadows;
  colorTime += colorIncrement;
  waveTheta += waveIncrement;
  setTimeout( animate, 30 );
};

props.groovy = $('.wrap h1:first-of-type')[0];
setTimeout( animate, 1 );

});
</script>
<style>
.wrap h1:first-of-type {
  font: bold 80px 'Cooper Black', 'Cooper Std', 'Cooper Std Black', sans-serif !important;
  color: white !important;
  margin: 0 !important;
  z-index: 99999999 !important;
  position: relative !important;
}
</style>
<?php
});