gistfile.patch

diff --git a/lib/cli.js b/lib/cli.js
index f42132f94..b1f6ba6ae 100644
--- a/lib/cli.js
+++ b/lib/cli.js
@@ -53,7 +53,9 @@ module.exports = (process) => {
       npm.config.set('usage', false, 'cli')
     }
 
-    npm.updateNotification = await updateNotifier(npm)
+    npm.updateNotification = updateNotifier(npm).then(notification =>
+      npm.updateNotification = notification)
+    // await npm.updateNotification
 
     const cmd = npm.argv.shift()
     const impl = npm.commands[cmd]
diff --git a/lib/utils/error-handler.js b/lib/utils/error-handler.js
index 1fc31df44..da716679d 100644
--- a/lib/utils/error-handler.js
+++ b/lib/utils/error-handler.js
@@ -119,7 +119,9 @@ const errorHandler = (er) => {
   if (cbCalled)
     er = er || new Error('Callback called more than once.')
 
-  if (npm.updateNotification) {
+  // only show the notification if it finished before the other stuff we
+  // were doing.  no need to hang on `npm -v` or something.
+  if (typeof npm.updateNotification === 'string') {
     const { level } = log
     log.level = log.levels.notice
     log.notice('', npm.updateNotification)
diff --git a/lib/utils/update-notifier.js b/lib/utils/update-notifier.js
index 1af948a2d..d6ad2b6bd 100644
--- a/lib/utils/update-notifier.js
+++ b/lib/utils/update-notifier.js
@@ -21,23 +21,29 @@ const isGlobalNpmUpdate = npm => {
 const DAILY = 1000 * 60 * 60 * 24
 const WEEKLY = DAILY * 7
 
-const updateTimeout = async (npm, duration) => {
+// don't put it in the _cacache folder, just in npm's cache
+const lastCheckedFile = npm =>
+  resolve(npm.flatOptions.cache, '../_update-notifier-last-checked')
+
+const checkTimeout = async (npm, duration) => {
   const t = new Date(Date.now() - duration)
-  // don't put it in the _cacache folder, just in npm's cache
-  const f = resolve(npm.flatOptions.cache, '../_update-notifier-last-checked')
+  const f = lastCheckedFile(npm)
   // if we don't have a file, then definitely check it.
   const st = await stat(f).catch(() => ({ mtime: t - 1 }))
+  return t > st.mtime
+}
 
-  if (t > st.mtime) {
+const updateTimeout = async (npm, duration) => {
+  if (checkTimeout(npm, duration)) {
     // best effort, if this fails, it's ok.
     // might be using /dev/null as the cache or something weird like that.
-    await writeFile(f, '').catch(() => {})
+    await writeFile(lastCheckedFile(npm), '').catch(() => {})
     return true
   } else
     return false
 }
 
-const updateNotifier = module.exports = async (npm, spec = 'latest') => {
+const updateNotifier = async (npm, spec = 'latest') => {
   // never check for updates in CI, when updating npm already, or opted out
   if (!npm.config.get('update-notifier') ||
       isGlobalNpmUpdate(npm) ||
@@ -57,7 +63,7 @@ const updateNotifier = module.exports = async (npm, spec = 'latest') => {
   const duration = spec !== 'latest' ? DAILY : WEEKLY
 
   // if we've already checked within the specified duration, don't check again
-  if (!(await updateTimeout(npm, duration)))
+  if (!(await checkTimeout(npm, duration)))
     return null
 
   // if they're currently using a prerelease, nudge to the next prerelease
@@ -113,3 +119,11 @@ const updateNotifier = module.exports = async (npm, spec = 'latest') => {
 
   return messagec
 }
+
+// only update the notification timeout if we actually finished checking
+module.exports = async npm => {
+  const notification = await updateNotifier(npm)
+  // intentional.  do not await this.  it's a best-effort update.
+  updateTimeout(npm)
+  return notification
+}