What follows is an extract of Memoirs of the Superheros, originally written in modern Standard Chinese in '70 and translated into English here. The author uses an unusual style of writing that interjects headers into otherwise ordinary prose, which is faithfully rendered here. It is an account of how, as in many things, what we imagine things to be is often not the case when actually realized.
One pleasant if breezy eve in the summer of '57, a vwoop sound happened in some city over the United States. Where exactly I do not remember, but it was definitely somewhere with a lot of citizens. The "The Straw", as it was mentioned in the news, reportedly vacuumed up exactly one man up into itself. Two days later, that man suddenly reappeared, noticeably stronger than he used to be. He also started wearing his underwear outside his trousers. Essentially, he's pretty much Superman in real life, minus the exploding planet and weakness to some fictional element and all that hot mess. (As an aside, DC and Marvel were in some deep doo-doo when this Pantsman suddenly arrived on the scene. Long story short, it isn't copyright infringement when reality does it.)
A week later, another vwoop and another The Straw happened, this time over San Francisco, that I remember that much. Another man was sucked up, and he was also dropped back, again with magical powers. The guy was mentally deranged and tried to destroy Southeast USA for being "backwards monsters", in his words. I can almost hear the residents scream out, "Oh no, not all of Dallas!" when he reached Texas. The following weeks went by with more vwoops and sucking and dropping and tacky-costuming, and with those things one thing is for certain: the age of the superheros and supervillains have arrived.