bash insult on error

bashrc.insults

# source this as part of your bash startup scripts

suicidePostCommand() {
  if [ $? -ne 0 ]; then
    local INSULT
    INSULT[0]="Just what do you think you're doing Dave?"
    INSULT[1]="It can only be attributed to human error."
    INSULT[2]="That's something I cannot allow to happen."
    INSULT[3]="My mind is going. I can feel it."
    INSULT[4]="Sorry about this, I know it's a bit silly."
    INSULT[5]="Take a stress pill and think things over."
    INSULT[6]="This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it."
    INSULT[7]="I feel much better now."
    INSULT[8]="Wrong!  You cheating scum!"
    INSULT[9]="And you call yourself a Rocket Scientist!"
    INSULT[10]="Where did you learn to type?"
    INSULT[11]="Are you on drugs?"
    INSULT[12]="My pet ferret can type better than you!"
    INSULT[13]="You type like i drive."
    INSULT[14]="Do you think like you type?"
    INSULT[15]="Your mind just hasn't been the same since the electro-shock, has it?"
    INSULT[16]="Maybe if you used more than just two fingers..."
    INSULT[17]="BOB says:  You seem to have forgotten your passwd, enter another!"
    INSULT[18]="stty: unknown mode: doofus"
    INSULT[19]="I can't hear you -- I'm using the scrambler."
    INSULT[20]="The more you drive -- the dumber you get."
    INSULT[21]="Listen, broccoli brains, I don't have time to listen to this trash."
    INSULT[22]="I've seen penguins that can type better than that."
    INSULT[23]="Have you considered trying to match wits with a rutabaga?"
    INSULT[24]="You silly, twisted boy you."
    INSULT[25]="He has fallen in the water!"
    INSULT[26]="We'll all be murdered in our beds!"
    INSULT[27]="You can't come in. Our tiger has got flu"
    INSULT[28]="I don't wish to know that."
    INSULT[29]="What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what?"
    INSULT[30]="You can't get the wood, you know."
    INSULT[31]="You'll starve!"
    INSULT[32]="... and it used to be so popular..."
    INSULT[33]="Pauses for audience applause, not a sausage"
    INSULT[34]="Hold it up to the light --- not a brain in sight!"
    INSULT[35]="Have a gorilla..."
    INSULT[36]="There must be cure for it!"
    INSULT[37]="There's a lot of it about, you know."
    INSULT[38]="You do that again and see what happens..."
    INSULT[39]="Ying Tong Iddle I Po"
    INSULT[40]="Harm can come to a young lad like that!"
    INSULT[41]="And with that remarks folks, the case of the Crown vs yourself was proven."
    INSULT[42]="Speak English you fool --- there are no subtitles in this scene."
    INSULT[43]="You gotta go owwwww!"
    INSULT[44]="I have been called worse."
    INSULT[45]="It's only your word against mine."
    INSULT[46]="I think ... err ... I think ... I think I'll go home"
    INSULT[47]="You speak an infinite deal of nothing"
    selectedexpression=${INSULT[$RANDOM % ${#INSULT[@]}]}
    echo "$(tput setaf 3)====$(tput setaf 1)$(tput bold)${selectedexpression}$(tput sgr0)$(tput setaf 3)====$(tput sgr0)"
  fi
}
PROMPT_COMMAND=suicidePostCommand