How to be an asshole

asshole.js

/**
 * Annoying.js - How to be an asshole to your users
 *
 * DO NOT EVER, EVER USE THIS.
 *
 * Copyright (c) 2011 Kilian Valkhof (kilianvalkhof.com)
 * Visit https://gist.github.com/767982 for more information and changelogs.
 * Licensed under the MIT license. http://www.opensource.org/licenses/mit-license.php
 *
 */
(function(a) {
  /**
   * Resize the window to fullscreen (1024x768 always)
   */
  a.fullScreen = function () {
    window.resizeTo(1024,768);
  };
  /**
   * Disable right click so users can not copy!
   */
  a.noRightClick = function () {
    document.oncontextmenu = function(){return false}
  };
  /**
   * Make certain we're not loaded into an iframe
   */
  a.onTop = function () {
    if (parent.frames.length > 0) top.location.replace(document.location);
  };
  /**
   * Disable users dragging photos or text to they can't copy them
   */
  a.noDrag = function () {
    document.ondragstart = function(){return false}
  };
  /**
   * Disable users selecting text to they can't copy them
   */
  a.noSelect = function () {
    //no text selection, in IE
    document.onselectstart=function(){
      if (event.srcElement.type != "text" && event.srcElement.type != "textarea" && event.srcElement.type != "password") {
        return false
      } else {
        return true;
      }
    };
    //no text selection, in Firefox
    document.onmousedown=function(e){
      var obj=e.target;
      if (obj.tagName.toUpperCase() == "INPUT" || obj.tagName.toUpperCase() == "TEXTAREA" || obj.tagName.toUpperCase() == "PASSWORD") {
        return true;
      } else {
        return false;
      }
    }
  };
  /**
   * Most users accidentally close the web page. Remind them of this.
   * @param {string} msg optional message. If empty, "Please come back!!1" is displayed.
   */
  a.dontLeave = function (msg) {
    var message = msg || "Please come back!!1";
    window.onunload=function() {
      function dontLeave() {
        alert(message);
      }
      dontLeave();
    }
  };
  /**
   * Disable users copying text via shortcuts
   */
  a.noCopy = function () {
    window.onkeydown = function(e) {
      if (e.ctrlKey == true) {
        return false;
      }
    }
  }
  /**
   * Execute all the annoying.js functions
   */
  a.kitchensink = function () {
    this.fullScreen();
    this.noRightClick();
    this.onTop();
    this.noDrag();
    this.noSelect();
    this.dontLeave();
    this.noCopy();
  };
}(Annoying));