node-and-npm-in-30-seconds.sh

#echo 'export PATH=$HOME/local/bin:$PATH' >> ~/.bashrc
#. ~/.bashrc
mkdir ~/local
mkdir ~/node-latest-install
cd ~/node-latest-install
curl http://nodejs.org/dist/node-latest.tar.gz | tar xz --strip-components=1
./configure --prefix=$HOME/local
make install # ok, fine, this step probably takes more than 30 seconds...
curl https://www.npmjs.com/install.sh | sh
echo "Installed Node and NPM!"
wait
rm -r ~/node-latest-install # cleanup
echo "Finished cleanup"

only-git-all-the-way.sh

# this way is best if you want to stay up to date
# or submit patches to node or npm

mkdir ~/local
echo 'export PATH=$HOME/local/bin:$PATH' >> ~/.bashrc
. ~/.bashrc

# could also fork, and then clone your own fork instead of the official one

git clone git://github.com/joyent/node.git
cd node
./configure --prefix=~/local
make install
cd ..

git clone git://github.com/isaacs/npm.git
cd npm
make install # or `make link` for bleeding edge

take-ownership.sh

# take ownership of the folders that npm/node use
# please don't do this if you don't know what it does!
sudo mkdir -p /usr/local/{share/man,bin,lib/node,include/node}
sudo chown -R $USER /usr/local/{share/man,bin,lib/node,include/node}

# now just a pretty vanilla node install
# let it use the default paths, but don't use sudo, since there's no need
mkdir node-install
curl http://nodejs.org/dist/node-v0.4.3.tar.gz | tar -xzf - -C node-install
cd node-install/*
./configure
make install

# now the npm easy-install
curl https://www.npmjs.org/install.sh | sh

use-nave-no-shell.sh

# use nave, but without a subshell
# note that we're doing "usemain" instead of "use"

mkdir ~/.nave
cd ~/.nave
wget http://github.com/isaacs/nave/raw/master/nave.sh
sudo ln -s $PWD/nave.sh /usr/local/bin/nave

# take ownership
# please don't do this if you don't know what it does!
sudo mkdir -p /usr/local/{share/man,bin,lib/node,include/node}
sudo chown -R $USER /usr/local/{share/man,bin,lib/node,include/node}

# install the latest stable nodejs in the "main" root.
nave usemain stable

curl https://www.npmjs.org/install.sh | sh

use-nave.sh

# this way is really handy if you want to test things
# in different versions of node and use stable release
# versions of things.

# make a folder where you want to keep this stuff.

mkdir ~/.nave
cd ~/.nave
wget http://github.com/isaacs/nave/raw/master/nave.sh
sudo ln -s $PWD/nave.sh /usr/local/bin/nave

# now you can forget about that folder.
# you never have to go back in there.

# to use a version of node in a virtual environment
nave use 0.4.8

# to install npm in that virtualenv
curl https://www.npmjs.org/install.sh | sh

# do stuff...
npm install whatever etc

# return to non-nave-land
exit

# use a different version of node..
nave use 0.4.6
# etc...

using-homebrew.sh

# using Homebrew

# Note: `brew install npm` has problems, as of 2010-12-30.
# hopefully it will eventually be good and happy.
# As of npm@0.2.13, however, this is an option

PREFIX=$(brew --prefix)

# take ownership
# this will also let homebrew work without using sudo
# please don't do this if you don't know what it does!
sudo mkdir -p $PREFIX/{share/man,bin,lib/node,include/node}
sudo chown -R $USER $PREFIX/{share/man,bin,lib/node,include/node}

brew install node

# now install npm
# prefix will default to $(brew --prefix)
curl https://www.npmjs.org/install.sh | sh

xgd-freedesktop.org-style.sh

echo 'export PATH=$HOME/.local/bin:$PATH' >> ~/.bashrc
echo 'export npm_config_userconfig=$HOME/.config/npmrc' >> ~/.bashrc
. ~/.bashrc
mkdir ~/.local
mkdir ~/node-latest-install
cd ~/node-latest-install
curl http://nodejs.org/dist/node-latest.tar.gz | tar xz --strip-components=1
./configure --prefix=~/.local
make install
curl https://www.npmjs.org/install.sh | sh

yet-another-option.sh

# install node wherever.
# use sudo even, it doesn't matter
# we're telling npm to install in a different place.

echo prefix = ~/local >> ~/.npmrc
curl https://www.npmjs.org/install.sh | sh

I have also commented out the first two lines, because my .bashrc files already contains these