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League of Gentlemen s01e01 subtitle xml
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<!--Created on 15/11/2017 at 20:17:52 by co:1.2/su:1.9/ma:1.6/ti:1.1-->
BBC 2017
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<p style="s1" begin="00:00:02.00" id="p0" end="00:00:05.92">This is it. Royston Vasey.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:00:05.92" id="p1" end="00:00:10.60"><span tts:color="white">These pictures don't do it justice.<br /></span>They do not.</p>
<p begin="00:00:10.60" id="p2" end="00:00:14.36"><span tts:color="yellow">That's before and this is after.<br /></span>Aye.</p>
<p begin="00:00:17.96" id="p3" end="00:00:21.36"><span tts:color="yellow">Aye, aye. </span>What is it?</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:00:21.36" id="p4" end="00:00:26.00">You tell me.<br />That's not meant to be there.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:00:26.00" id="p5" end="00:00:33.16"><span tts:color="white">Oh, aye. Well,<br />it will have to go, Mr Wint.<br /></span>I'm afraid it will, Mr Kidd.</p>
<p begin="00:00:33.16" id="p6" end="00:00:38.20"><span tts:color="yellow">I shouldn't think it's a problem.<br /></span>The locals are friendly enough.</p>
<p begin="00:00:53.36" id="p7" end="00:00:55.40">Stop!</p>
<p begin="00:00:55.40" id="p8" end="00:00:58.84">Stop! Stop!</p>
<p style="s2" begin="00:01:05.88" id="p9" end="00:01:07.92">Hey!</p>
<p style="s2" begin="00:01:07.92" id="p10" end="00:01:10.36">I've told you.</p>
<p begin="00:01:22.36" id="p11" end="00:01:24.48">Bastard!</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:01:39.40" id="p12" end="00:01:43.20"><span tts:color="cyan">Good morning, Benjamin!<br /></span>Mm. Oh!</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:01:43.20" id="p13" end="00:01:47.92">Morning, Auntie Val. <span tts:color="white">Did you sleep<br />all right? </span>Yes, thanks.</p>
<p begin="00:01:47.92" id="p14" end="00:01:50.92">Any used tissues to dispose of?</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:01:53.36" id="p15" end="00:01:58.56"><span tts:color="yellow">No! </span>How did you get on last night?<br />Did you meet your friend?</p>
<p begin="00:01:58.56" id="p16" end="00:02:03.28"><span tts:color="yellow">No, I must have missed him.<br /></span>COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:02:03.28" id="p17" end="00:02:08.32">I was wondering if I might give him<br />a ring, find out what happened.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:02:14.08" id="p18" end="00:02:20.48">Of course you may.<br />Relax and treat this place<br />just like your own home.</p>
<p begin="00:02:23.04" id="p19" end="00:02:26.08">Just one moment!</p>
<p begin="00:02:28.48" id="p20" end="00:02:30.52">Go.</p>
<p style="s2" begin="00:02:45.36" id="p21" end="00:02:48.64">Morning, Mrs Levinson.</p>
<p begin="00:02:48.64" id="p22" end="00:02:55.36">I'm so glad I'm going away.<br />It will be one big building site<br />here soon.</p>
<p begin="00:02:55.36" id="p23" end="00:03:01.60">Gangs of navvies with their bums<br />hanging out. <span tts:color="lime">I know, Mrs Levinson!</span></p>
<p begin="00:03:01.60" id="p24" end="00:03:06.44">I've cancelled the milk,<br />the dog's offal and my tarot woman.</p>
<p begin="00:03:06.44" id="p25" end="00:03:09.08">She didn't know I was going away!</p>
<p begin="00:03:09.08" id="p26" end="00:03:14.64"><span tts:color="lime">No, Mrs Levinson. </span>But the chicken<br />man is coming round on Friday.</p>
<p begin="00:03:14.64" id="p27" end="00:03:17.28">Don't you hate going away, Iris?</p>
<p begin="00:03:17.28" id="p28" end="00:03:19.92">There's so much you have to remember.</p>
<p begin="00:03:19.92" id="p29" end="00:03:23.88">Jaeger suits, Gucci shoes,<br />Chanel bag...</p>
<p begin="00:03:23.88" id="p30" end="00:03:29.40"><span tts:color="lime">Shall I put these knickers in<br />to soak? </span>Do you know Antigua?</p>
<p begin="00:03:29.40" id="p31" end="00:03:35.32"><span tts:color="lime">Is he the chicken man? </span>No, Antigua,<br />the place. Sapphire blue oceans,</p>
<p begin="00:03:35.32" id="p32" end="00:03:37.76">cloudless skies...</p>
<p style="s2" begin="00:03:40.08" id="p33" end="00:03:44.64"><span tts:color="white">Do you travel, Iris?<br /></span>We had a week booked in Kendal.</p>
<p begin="00:03:44.64" id="p34" end="00:03:49.28">The carpet warehouse keeps Eddie<br />working like a black.</p>
<p begin="00:03:49.28" id="p35" end="00:03:56.32">We only manage six or seven times<br />a year. I don't know how some people<br />get by without a break.</p>
<p begin="00:03:56.32" id="p36" end="00:04:03.64">I'm all passion spent by the time<br />Ricki Lake comes on. <span tts:color="lime">Me and Ron<br />take the dogs for a walk to unwind.</span></p>
<p begin="00:04:03.64" id="p37" end="00:04:06.08">Taste's a very personal thing.</p>
<p begin="00:04:06.08" id="p38" end="00:04:13.20">I wouldn't stone-clad my house -<br />it'd look like a white filling<br />in a mouth of rotten teeth.</p>
<p begin="00:04:13.20" id="p39" end="00:04:18.04">It's no wonder some people<br />have to drink as much as they do.</p>
<p begin="00:04:18.04" id="p40" end="00:04:23.08">Be careful with my nightie. It cost<br />more than you owe Kay's catalogue.</p>
<p style="s2" begin="00:04:27.04" id="p41" end="00:04:29.48">Yes, Mrs Levinson.</p>
<p begin="00:04:30.88" id="p42" end="00:04:35.92">We've theen most of these!<br /><span tts:color="cyan">Have we? </span>Yeah.</p>
<p begin="00:04:35.92" id="p43" end="00:04:41.16">Theen, theen, theen, theen, theen...<br />Oh, I've not theen that.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:04:41.16" id="p44" end="00:04:43.80">Oh, I have. It's really good.</p>
<p begin="00:04:43.80" id="p45" end="00:04:46.24">Ith it? How many killingth?</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:04:46.24" id="p46" end="00:04:48.28">Seven.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:04:48.28" id="p47" end="00:04:53.32"><span tts:color="white">Oh, is that all?! </span>He kills one<br />by gluttony, one by greedy, sexy,</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:04:53.32" id="p48" end="00:04:56.16">ugly, sleepy...</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:04:56.16" id="p49" end="00:04:58.60">dopey and bashful.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:04:58.60" id="p50" end="00:05:01.04">It weren't that good.</p>
<p begin="00:05:01.04" id="p51" end="00:05:03.68">I don't like Bradley Pitts, anyway.</p>
<p begin="00:05:03.68" id="p52" end="00:05:06.12"><span tts:color="cyan">No? </span>Too much acting.</p>
<p begin="00:05:13.56" id="p53" end="00:05:16.32">'Ere, look at these.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:05:19.16" id="p54" end="00:05:22.24"><span tts:color="lime">Yes?! </span>Oh! Sorry, love.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:05:22.24" id="p55" end="00:05:24.60">Are you open?</p>
<p style="s2" begin="00:05:24.60" id="p56" end="00:05:28.80">Yes!<br />Can I help you at all?</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:05:28.80" id="p57" end="00:05:33.44">You can. I'm Mr Wint.<br />This is Mr Kidd.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:05:33.44" id="p58" end="00:05:38.52"><span tts:color="lime">Are you local? </span>No. We're conducting<br />a survey for PQ Construction.</p>
<p style="s2" begin="00:05:38.52" id="p59" end="00:05:42.32"><span tts:color="yellow">We need to serve you<br />with these papers. </span>Ooh!</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:05:42.32" id="p60" end="00:05:48.56">It's nothing to be concerned about.<br />Just notification of a new road.</p>
<p style="s2" begin="00:05:48.56" id="p61" end="00:05:51.20">No road! Bad!</p>
<p begin="00:05:53.12" id="p62" end="00:05:55.56">SHE GAGS</p>
<p style="s2" begin="00:05:55.56" id="p63" end="00:06:01.80">This is a local shop<br />for local people!<br />There's nothing for you here!</p>
<p begin="00:06:01.80" id="p64" end="00:06:04.28">Listen, love, we're a bit pushed.</p>
<p begin="00:06:04.28" id="p65" end="00:06:11.00">All you have to do is sign this<br />and read the document.<br /><span tts:color="lime">Is that a crown you wear?</span></p>
<p begin="00:06:11.00" id="p66" end="00:06:13.48">This? It's just my helmet!</p>
<p style="s2" begin="00:06:13.48" id="p67" end="00:06:16.12">'elmet!</p>
<p begin="00:06:16.12" id="p68" end="00:06:18.28">Yes.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:06:18.28" id="p69" end="00:06:23.32"><span tts:color="lime">Can I touch it? </span>Look, perhaps<br />we could use your telephone?</p>
<p style="s2" begin="00:06:23.32" id="p70" end="00:06:26.88">Tephelone? Em...</p>
<p style="s2" begin="00:06:26.88" id="p71" end="00:06:28.92">Tephelone...</p>
<p style="s2" begin="00:06:28.92" id="p72" end="00:06:31.32">Is this one?</p>
<p begin="00:06:31.32" id="p73" end="00:06:37.16">I have my mobile. It needs charging.<br />Can you show me your points?</p>
<p begin="00:06:37.16" id="p74" end="00:06:40.20">No, no! Please!</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:06:40.20" id="p75" end="00:06:46.28"><span tts:color="lime">Aaaah!<br /></span>Hello? What's all this shouting?<br />We'll have no trouble here!</p>
<p style="s2" begin="00:06:46.28" id="p76" end="00:06:52.28">They're strangers! <span tts:color="cyan">Not local?! </span>He<br />wears a crown and builds new road.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:06:52.28" id="p77" end="00:06:55.92"><span tts:color="yellow">Look, your wife is... </span>Local?</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:06:55.92" id="p78" end="00:07:00.76">Overreacting. We just need you<br />to look at these proposals.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:07:00.76" id="p79" end="00:07:06.08">We don't need a new road!<br />We don't bother the outside world.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:07:06.08" id="p80" end="00:07:08.92">We don't want it bothering us.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:07:08.92" id="p81" end="00:07:13.96">It'll be no bother. Just sign this<br />and you'll never hear from us again.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:07:20.44" id="p82" end="00:07:22.72">You're sure?</p>
<p begin="00:07:22.72" id="p83" end="00:07:28.08"><span tts:color="yellow">Absolutely. </span>Besides, when the new<br />road is laid, you'll be laughing.</p>
<p begin="00:07:28.08" id="p84" end="00:07:31.12">Your shop will be full of people.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:07:40.76" id="p85" end="00:07:43.72">Hokey, cokey, pig-in-a-pokey.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:07:43.72" id="p86" end="00:07:46.16">Good morning, job-seekers!</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:07:46.16" id="p87" end="00:07:50.68">Now, one of the best pens<br />has gone missing.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:07:50.68" id="p88" end="00:07:53.12">Can I have it back, please?</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:07:54.08" id="p89" end="00:07:56.32">Thank you.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:07:56.32" id="p90" end="00:08:01.36">Now, as you're aware, today we're<br />looking at your career options.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:08:01.36" id="p91" end="00:08:06.40">Some of you, like Ross, will want<br />to follow your father's footsteps,</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:08:06.40" id="p92" end="00:08:08.84">but you can't sign on for ever.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:08:08.84" id="p93" end="00:08:14.56">So we're looking at SALES jobs.<br />Namely, how to sell this -</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:08:14.56" id="p94" end="00:08:17.00">The Big Issue!</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:08:17.00" id="p95" end="00:08:22.04">Now, for those of you not in the<br />know, The Big Issue is a magazine.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:08:22.04" id="p96" end="00:08:26.08">A bit like Bunty,<br />but written by tramps.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:08:26.08" id="p97" end="00:08:31.12">Inside, it's got stories and poems<br />and look, Mickey, love, pictures!</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:08:31.12" id="p98" end="00:08:34.32"><span tts:color="white">Yeah! </span><span tts:color="cyan">And you... </span>Pauline?</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:08:34.32" id="p99" end="00:08:37.84"><span tts:color="yellow">It's for homeless people. </span>Mm.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:08:37.84" id="p100" end="00:08:45.48"><span tts:color="white">But we're unemployed. </span>That's right.<br />And you can earn a bit of money<br />by selling this to real people.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:08:45.48" id="p101" end="00:08:50.52">Oh, come off it! Being on the Dole<br />doesn't mean we're stupid!</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:08:53.16" id="p102" end="00:08:58.00">Mickey, love,<br />what is the capital of France?</p>
<p begin="00:08:59.96" id="p103" end="00:09:02.00">Wine!</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:09:03.00" id="p104" end="00:09:05.84">Come on, Ross, on your feet.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:09:05.84" id="p105" end="00:09:08.48">I need you for this exercise.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:09:08.48" id="p106" end="00:09:15.52">Now then, job-seekers, imagine<br />if you can that we're standing<br />on a very busy high street.</p>
<p begin="00:09:15.52" id="p107" end="00:09:19.72"><span tts:color="cyan">I'm an attractive young housewife...<br /></span>LAUGHTER</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:09:22.12" id="p108" end="00:09:24.76">I want Ross here to sell me this.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:09:24.76" id="p109" end="00:09:27.20">In your own time.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:09:28.16" id="p110" end="00:09:31.20"><span tts:color="yellow">Big Issue! </span>Oh, pathetic!</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:09:31.20" id="p111" end="00:09:35.84">"Big Issue"(!) Come on, Ross,<br />I want to see you try!</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:09:35.84" id="p112" end="00:09:38.28">Big Issue! Help the homeless!</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:09:38.28" id="p113" end="00:09:43.32"><span tts:color="cyan">Ah, better, you see. Now he's got<br />my interest. </span>It's only &#163;1.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:09:43.32" id="p114" end="00:09:47.36">Good!<br />Watch how I'm starting to pity him.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:09:47.36" id="p115" end="00:09:49.80">Want a copy, then?</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:09:49.80" id="p116" end="00:09:54.44"><span tts:color="cyan">Ask me nicely.<br /></span>Do you want a copy, madam?</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:09:54.44" id="p117" end="00:09:58.88"><span tts:color="cyan">Ask me more nicely.<br /></span>There's no such thing!</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:09:58.88" id="p118" end="00:10:01.84">All right! It's for a good cause!</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:10:04.36" id="p119" end="00:10:06.40">Beg me.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:10:06.40" id="p120" end="00:10:08.44">What?</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:10:08.44" id="p121" end="00:10:10.88">You heard, Ross. Beg me.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:10:10.88" id="p122" end="00:10:15.92">You need the money. Make me feel<br />superior. <span tts:color="yellow">That's no reason. </span>Beg me.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:10:15.92" id="p123" end="00:10:18.36"><span tts:color="yellow">This isn't... </span>Be a good doggie.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:10:18.36" id="p124" end="00:10:21.00"><span tts:color="yellow">You're... </span>Sing for your supper!</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:10:21.00" id="p125" end="00:10:23.44"><span tts:color="yellow">This... </span>Beg, doggie, beg!</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:10:23.44" id="p126" end="00:10:26.08"><span tts:color="cyan">Beg me, Ross! </span>NO!!</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:10:26.08" id="p127" end="00:10:28.52">No, I won't!</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:10:30.64" id="p128" end="00:10:32.68">What?</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:10:32.68" id="p129" end="00:10:35.24">I won't beg you, Pauline.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:10:40.20" id="p130" end="00:10:42.44">I see.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:10:44.96" id="p131" end="00:10:47.40">Sit down, please, Ross.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:10:55.12" id="p132" end="00:10:58.16">Well, take that, then!</p>
<p begin="00:10:59.20" id="p133" end="00:11:01.64"><span tts:color="cyan">Do you want a go, love? </span>No!</p>
<p begin="00:11:01.64" id="p134" end="00:11:06.48"><span tts:color="cyan">Come on! We're in the high street,<br />I'm a housewife. </span>Big Issue!</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:11:06.48" id="p135" end="00:11:09.12">How much is it? <span tts:color="white">&#163;1! </span>Have a fiver!</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:11:09.12" id="p136" end="00:11:13.56">You see, Ross?!<br />Do you see how easy it is?</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:11:13.56" id="p137" end="00:11:16.00">It's as simple as Mickey.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:11:16.00" id="p138" end="00:11:20.04">Oh, you're nothing.<br />Do you know that?</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:11:20.04" id="p139" end="00:11:24.48">You're worthless.<br />Less than the (shit) on my shoes!</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:11:24.48" id="p140" end="00:11:31.52">I'm extending your Restart,<br />then sending you on a whole series<br />of meaningless courses!</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:11:31.52" id="p141" end="00:11:35.96">Then you'll come back here<br />and I'll re-Restart you!</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:11:35.96" id="p142" end="00:11:40.40">And the rest of you,<br />buck your ideas up!</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:11:40.40" id="p143" end="00:11:42.84">Knuckle down!</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:11:43.80" id="p144" end="00:11:46.24">And give me those pens back!</p>
<p begin="00:11:49.48" id="p145" end="00:11:53.52">I'll pay for them.<br />Let me pay for them.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:11:53.52" id="p146" end="00:11:58.84">It's not the money. Melody Maker,<br />NME, that's &#163;2.05, please, Les.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:11:58.84" id="p147" end="00:12:00.88">Cheers. Ta-ra.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:12:01.88" id="p148" end="00:12:06.92">What's Pop always saying?<br /><span tts:color="white">Principles over pounds. </span>Yes.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:12:06.92" id="p149" end="00:12:11.96">There's a principle here. That's<br />why I've got to say something.</p>
<p begin="00:12:20.96" id="p150" end="00:12:25.80">Oh, I'm wiped out!<br />I can't wait to get on that plane.</p>
<p begin="00:12:25.80" id="p151" end="00:12:30.24">It must be hard for you<br />living on that estate.</p>
<p begin="00:12:30.24" id="p152" end="00:12:37.88">Armies of young mums with eczema<br />and pushchairs and the men - their<br />tattooed arms look like Stilton!</p>
<p style="s2" begin="00:12:37.88" id="p153" end="00:12:44.52"><span tts:color="white">I'd be scared.<br /></span>Well, we don't go out much.<br />Ron prefers an early night.</p>
<p begin="00:12:45.72" id="p154" end="00:12:51.16"><span tts:color="lime">Oh, them's nice panties, Mrs L!<br /></span>Thank you. Eddie got them in Paris.</p>
<p begin="00:12:51.16" id="p155" end="00:12:55.48"><span tts:color="lime">I won't get expensive briefs.<br /></span>Treat yourself.</p>
<p style="s2" begin="00:12:55.48" id="p156" end="00:13:01.32">I get through so many, Ron pulling<br />at them with his big fingers!</p>
<p style="s2" begin="00:13:01.32" id="p157" end="00:13:06.36"><span tts:color="white">Really(?) Have you packed Eddie's<br />toilet bag? </span>I wear nothing in bed.</p>
<p style="s2" begin="00:13:06.36" id="p158" end="00:13:11.20">With Ron's libido,<br />he's like a lad of 19 sometimes!</p>
<p begin="00:13:11.20" id="p159" end="00:13:14.40">I hope you buttoned his shirts.</p>
<p begin="00:13:14.40" id="p160" end="00:13:19.08"><span tts:color="lime">Five, six times a night!<br /></span>When we first married...</p>
<p style="s2" begin="00:13:19.08" id="p161" end="00:13:24.16">It's always been like that for us.<br />It just gets better and better.</p>
<p style="s2" begin="00:13:24.16" id="p162" end="00:13:31.04">I do things that'd make a whore<br />blush! <span tts:color="white">Eddie just wears trunks...<br /></span>This way, that way.</p>
<p style="s2" begin="00:13:31.04" id="p163" end="00:13:37.04">Some of it barely legal. I think,<br />"Will this pleasure never end?"</p>
<p begin="00:13:37.04" id="p164" end="00:13:39.60">CAR HORN<br />That'll be Barbara.</p>
<p begin="00:13:39.60" id="p165" end="00:13:45.32">I have to check in at the airport.<br />We're flying club class.</p>
<p begin="00:13:45.32" id="p166" end="00:13:50.12">That doesn't mean a free biscuit!<br />Have a nice afternoon.</p>
<p begin="00:13:50.12" id="p167" end="00:13:53.56">I'll see you in a fortnight. <span tts:color="lime">Bye!</span></p>
<p style="s2" begin="00:13:54.56" id="p168" end="00:13:57.44">Don't do anything I wouldn't do!</p>
<p style="s2" begin="00:13:57.44" id="p169" end="00:14:00.20">That won't leave her many options.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:14:16.00" id="p170" end="00:14:20.44">We prefer if you wait<br />until after six o'clock.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:14:41.84" id="p171" end="00:14:44.28">You see, road men,</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:14:44.28" id="p172" end="00:14:47.56">this is a local shop.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:14:50.52" id="p173" end="00:14:55.36">The strangers you'd bring<br />would not understand us -</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:14:55.36" id="p174" end="00:14:57.92">our customs, our local ways.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:15:06.24" id="p175" end="00:15:08.48">Not necessarily.</p>
<p style="s2" begin="00:15:08.48" id="p176" end="00:15:11.12">He said I could touch his helmet!</p>
<p style="s2" begin="00:15:11.12" id="p177" end="00:15:13.84">If I showed him my points.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:15:14.84" id="p178" end="00:15:17.56">Is this true, road man?!</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:15:17.56" id="p179" end="00:15:20.96"><span tts:color="white">No! </span>Very well!</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:15:22.36" id="p180" end="00:15:25.80">You heard the man, Tubbs.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:15:28.48" id="p181" end="00:15:31.00">Get undressed!</p>
<p style="s2" begin="00:15:39.92" id="p182" end="00:15:41.96">Afternoon!</p>
<p style="s2" begin="00:15:41.96" id="p183" end="00:15:46.80"><span tts:color="white">Hello! I see Fleur de Lis is<br />closing down. </span>Oh, I know, I know.</p>
<p style="s2" begin="00:15:46.80" id="p184" end="00:15:51.84"><span tts:color="white">That's your council mates putting<br />the rents up! </span>Our hands are tied!</p>
<p begin="00:15:51.84" id="p185" end="00:15:59.28">What this town needs is investment,<br />like that new road. <span tts:color="lime">There might be<br />some news next week. I can't say.</span></p>
<p begin="00:15:59.28" id="p186" end="00:16:02.08">More than your job's worth, eh?</p>
<p begin="00:16:12.48" id="p187" end="00:16:14.92"><span tts:color="lime">Have you got them? </span>Yep.</p>
<p begin="00:16:21.84" id="p188" end="00:16:24.28"><span tts:color="cyan">I forgot my brolly! </span>Right!</p>
<p begin="00:16:31.80" id="p189" end="00:16:36.28">Just come in.<br />Very fresh.</p>
<p style="s2" begin="00:16:40.56" id="p190" end="00:16:43.00">Usual arrangement?</p>
<p begin="00:16:44.20" id="p191" end="00:16:47.24">I don't see why not.</p>
<p style="s2" begin="00:16:48.36" id="p192" end="00:16:50.80">The thing is, Hilary,</p>
<p style="s2" begin="00:16:53.32" id="p193" end="00:16:56.84">I know it's wrong.</p>
<p style="s2" begin="00:16:57.80" id="p194" end="00:17:00.24">It just tastes so good.</p>
<p begin="00:17:07.28" id="p195" end="00:17:09.72">SHARPENS BLADES</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:17:17.48" id="p196" end="00:17:25.12">A chain of newsagents built up<br />from one shop. Five outlets<br />and a booth at the war memorial!</p>
<p begin="00:17:25.12" id="p197" end="00:17:30.16"><span tts:color="cyan">That didn't fall in Pop's lap!<br /></span>All right, I made a mistake!</p>
<p style="s2" begin="00:17:30.16" id="p198" end="00:17:32.60">Where am I?</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:17:33.92" id="p199" end="00:17:38.88">Seen it, seen it, seen it,<br />seen it... Oh, not seen that.</p>
<p begin="00:17:38.88" id="p200" end="00:17:41.32">Black and white?! <span tts:color="cyan">Oh.</span></p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:17:41.32" id="p201" end="00:17:43.96">Seen it, seen it, seen it...</p>
<p begin="00:17:43.96" id="p202" end="00:17:49.36">To be honest, I favour internal<br />protection over towels, you know?</p>
<p begin="00:17:49.36" id="p203" end="00:17:54.80">I mean, who wants a great big<br />mattress between their legs all day?</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:17:54.80" id="p204" end="00:17:57.64">Just drop me off here, thanks.</p>
<p begin="00:17:57.64" id="p205" end="00:17:59.92">Have a nice day, then.</p>
<p begin="00:17:59.92" id="p206" end="00:18:02.76">Mind how you go. Ta-ra!</p>
<p begin="00:18:05.48" id="p207" end="00:18:07.92">All right, Jacques? Come in.</p>
<p begin="00:18:11.68" id="p208" end="00:18:14.52">Have you met my dad?</p>
<p begin="00:18:14.52" id="p209" end="00:18:17.32"><span tts:color="cyan">No. </span>Dad?</p>
<p begin="00:18:19.32" id="p210" end="00:18:21.36">Dad!</p>
<p begin="00:18:21.36" id="p211" end="00:18:25.88">Dad, this is Jacques.<br />Jacques, this is my dad.</p>
<p begin="00:18:25.88" id="p212" end="00:18:30.36"><span tts:color="yellow">All right? Is this your pal<br />the pop star? </span>Dad...</p>
<p begin="00:18:30.36" id="p213" end="00:18:32.80">Won't be long.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:18:32.80" id="p214" end="00:18:36.00">I'm in a band, yeah.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:18:36.00" id="p215" end="00:18:41.04">It's a great life is rock 'n' roll.<br />I expect our kid told you,</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:18:41.04" id="p216" end="00:18:45.12">I used to have a band of my own.<br />Creme Brulee.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:18:48.72" id="p217" end="00:18:53.76"><span tts:color="yellow">Had a good run. Did Eurovision.<br /></span>Eurovision Song Contest(?)</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:18:53.76" id="p218" end="00:18:56.80">Oh, yeah. Back in '81. Heats.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:18:56.80" id="p219" end="00:18:59.64">Same year as Bucks Fizz won.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:18:59.64" id="p220" end="00:19:05.36">I said to Jay Aston, "This is<br />where you shit your pants, Jay."</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:19:07.44" id="p221" end="00:19:13.04">Real good laugh. Right good sense<br />of humour. What about that Gina G?</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:19:13.04" id="p222" end="00:19:19.44"><span tts:color="cyan">Eh... </span>Rubbish. Ordinary.<br />I says to our Tom,<br />"It'll not win!"</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:19:19.44" id="p223" end="00:19:24.28">In Eurovision, you've got to<br />communicate. Look at the Israelis.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:19:24.28" id="p224" end="00:19:29.20">Years in the wilderness,<br />then all of a sudden - genius!</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:19:29.20" id="p225" end="00:19:34.88"><span tts:color="yellow">What's your instrument? </span>Mainly<br />programming. Drum loops, rhythms.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:19:34.88" id="p226" end="00:19:38.36">I tell you who were good - Smokie!</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:19:38.36" id="p227" end="00:19:43.76"><span tts:color="cyan">Eh... </span>Fantastic songs. Well crafted.<br />You should give them a listen.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:19:43.76" id="p228" end="00:19:49.32">The bassist runs a 16-track out by<br />Castleford. I go over quite a bit.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:19:49.32" id="p229" end="00:19:58.08"><span tts:color="yellow">I've got a tape here of some<br />of my songs, ballads mainly.<br />Have a listen, if you like. </span>Well...</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:19:58.08" id="p230" end="00:20:02.16">I'm sure I've got one left<br />somewhere.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:20:03.60" id="p231" end="00:20:10.36"><span tts:color="yellow">If there's owt on there you want,<br />you can have it.<br /></span>We don't do ballads.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:20:10.36" id="p232" end="00:20:14.88">Just take it.<br />What harm can it do?</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:20:17.12" id="p233" end="00:20:20.56">Let me know I haven't lost it yet.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:20:20.56" id="p234" end="00:20:26.28">You can ask your record company<br />boss if HE remembers Creme Brulee.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:20:26.28" id="p235" end="00:20:32.20">Everyone knew me round here.<br />I'd walk in a urinal<br />and heads would turn.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:20:32.20" id="p236" end="00:20:37.16"><span tts:color="white">See you later, Dad. </span><span tts:color="yellow">Yeah.<br /></span>Nice to meet you, Mr McQueen.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:20:39.36" id="p237" end="00:20:41.80">Good luck, son.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:20:41.80" id="p238" end="00:20:43.84">God bless.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:20:45.28" id="p239" end="00:20:47.72">It's a shit business.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:20:52.12" id="p240" end="00:20:54.56">You'll find out.</p>
<p begin="00:21:05.52" id="p241" end="00:21:08.56"><span tts:color="yellow">Aaaaah! </span>Aaaaaah!</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:21:23.32" id="p242" end="00:21:28.12">Look around you.<br />What's Pop's formula, Rich?</p>
<p begin="00:21:28.12" id="p243" end="00:21:30.96">DPI equals SIN.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:21:30.96" id="p244" end="00:21:38.08">DPI equals SIN - Determination<br />plus Perspiration plus Inspiration<br />equals Success In Newsagency.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:21:38.08" id="p245" end="00:21:45.52"><span tts:color="white">Yeah, yeah, yeah. </span>Who was the first<br />to charge for cards in the window<br />on a daily rate?</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:21:45.52" id="p246" end="00:21:50.56"><span tts:color="white">Pop. </span>Who was the first to sell<br />Ginster's Pasties in a newsagency?</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:21:50.56" id="p247" end="00:21:53.40"><span tts:color="white">Pop! </span>We owe him, Rich.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:21:53.40" id="p248" end="00:21:58.04">Now, are you going to tell him<br />or am I?</p>
<p begin="00:21:58.04" id="p249" end="00:22:00.28">Please, Al!</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:22:00.28" id="p250" end="00:22:02.72">It's your decision.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:22:02.72" id="p251" end="00:22:05.76">Guess who's here!</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:22:05.76" id="p252" end="00:22:09.80">Where are my boys, eh?<br />Where are my boys?</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:22:09.80" id="p253" end="00:22:12.24">Come on, I take you both on, eh?</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:22:13.20" id="p254" end="00:22:15.60">Hey, come here!</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:22:18.36" id="p255" end="00:22:22.80">I got presents<br />for the both of youse. Eh?</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:22:24.36" id="p256" end="00:22:26.40">Eh?</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:22:26.40" id="p257" end="00:22:29.84"><span tts:color="cyan">Thanks, Pop. </span>Ah, it's OK, it's OK.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:22:29.84" id="p258" end="00:22:33.88">So, Al, how are you?<br />The booth is doing good.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:22:33.88" id="p259" end="00:22:38.92"><span tts:color="yellow">I drive past, there's a queue all<br />the way to the Gents. </span>Doing good.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:22:38.92" id="p260" end="00:22:43.76">And the cold cabinet - cans,<br />cartons? They're selling well?</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:22:43.76" id="p261" end="00:22:48.88">I wasn't sure about these drinks.<br /><span tts:color="cyan">No, they're doing fine, Pop. </span>Good.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:22:48.88" id="p262" end="00:22:52.80">But I have good news for you,<br />Richie.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:22:52.80" id="p263" end="00:22:59.20">As you know, your brother Al has<br />made a great success of his booth.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:22:59.20" id="p264" end="00:23:03.84">For many months<br />I have searched for another site.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:23:03.84" id="p265" end="00:23:10.48">It has always been Pop's ambition -<br />a booth for each<br />of my beautiful sons!</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:23:17.12" id="p266" end="00:23:21.76">You know the key-cutting cubicle<br />by the indoor market?</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:23:21.76" id="p267" end="00:23:25.80">Well, the lease come up<br />in two month!</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:23:25.80" id="p268" end="00:23:28.24">It's perfect for you, Richie!</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:23:28.24" id="p269" end="00:23:35.12">There is room for a freezer unit,<br />a chill cabinet and...<br />we keep the key-cutting machine!</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:23:35.12" id="p270" end="00:23:39.16">It could open up<br />a whole new area for us!</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:23:39.16" id="p271" end="00:23:46.20">Not just keys - shoelaces,<br />shoe polish, maybe one day<br />we do repairs as well, eh?</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:23:46.20" id="p272" end="00:23:51.04">Perhaps soon you be more successful<br />than your brother!</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:23:51.04" id="p273" end="00:23:57.00">I even start you on the same wage.<br /><span tts:color="cyan">Pop... </span>&#163;3 an hour! What do you say?</p>
<p begin="00:24:01.12" id="p274" end="00:24:08.56">Something happened<br />yesterday morning, Pop, when I was<br />looking after the booth for Al.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:24:10.56" id="p275" end="00:24:13.20">What are you talking about?</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:24:14.32" id="p276" end="00:24:18.72"><span tts:color="yellow">What do you mean?<br /></span>Rich was serving...</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:24:18.72" id="p277" end="00:24:22.80">Richie will tell me himself!</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:24:22.80" id="p278" end="00:24:26.08">Won't you, Richie?</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:24:26.08" id="p279" end="00:24:30.92">I wanna hear from your lip<br />what happened.</p>
<p begin="00:24:34.96" id="p280" end="00:24:37.60">It was nothing really, Pop.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:24:37.60" id="p281" end="00:24:40.04">Oh, "nothing really, Pop"?</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:24:40.04" id="p282" end="00:24:42.48">Nothing really, Pop!</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:24:42.48" id="p283" end="00:24:47.32">Then why are you shitting<br />in your panties?!</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:24:47.32" id="p284" end="00:24:52.96">Why don't you tell me<br />what this nothing was?</p>
<p begin="00:24:52.96" id="p285" end="00:24:55.40">Some boys came.</p>
<p begin="00:24:55.40" id="p286" end="00:24:57.84">To the booth.</p>
<p begin="00:25:00.28" id="p287" end="00:25:02.92">One of them asked for a Snapple.</p>
<p begin="00:25:02.92" id="p288" end="00:25:07.56">And I had to turn my back to...<br />open the chiller.</p>
<p begin="00:25:08.52" id="p289" end="00:25:13.48">And when I turned round again,<br />they'd taken all the Maverick bars.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:25:18.56" id="p290" end="00:25:21.00">How many?</p>
<p begin="00:25:22.88" id="p291" end="00:25:24.92">Nine.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:25:24.92" id="p292" end="00:25:26.96">Nine...</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:25:26.96" id="p293" end="00:25:29.28">Nine, huh?</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:25:30.56" id="p294" end="00:25:33.00">Nine Maverick bars.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:25:33.00" id="p295" end="00:25:38.32">And you say this is nothing?<br />Perhaps THIS is nothing, huh?!</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:25:38.32" id="p296" end="00:25:43.16">Why do you do this to me, Richie?<br />Why do you do this to me?</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:25:43.16" id="p297" end="00:25:47.80">All I want is to make you a man,<br />a booth of your own!</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:25:47.80" id="p298" end="00:25:52.64">But how can I give it to you<br />when you behave like a child?!</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:25:52.64" id="p299" end="00:25:57.28">No, like a baby!<br />It was a child that robbed you!</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:25:58.36" id="p300" end="00:26:00.80">Look at my face!</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:26:01.76" id="p301" end="00:26:04.60">Look what you made Pop do!</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:26:05.56" id="p302" end="00:26:08.40">You break my heart, Richie!</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:26:09.36" id="p303" end="00:26:12.20"><span tts:color="yellow">You break my HEART! </span>Pop!</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:26:13.92" id="p304" end="00:26:17.96">Rich really is sorry<br />for what he did.</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:26:17.96" id="p305" end="00:26:21.40">Why don't we...go for a walk, eh?</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:26:23.20" id="p306" end="00:26:25.24">Yeah.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:26:25.24" id="p307" end="00:26:27.84">We go for a walk.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:26:27.84" id="p308" end="00:26:30.08">Me and you.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:26:30.08" id="p309" end="00:26:34.92">Maybe WE talk about<br />the key-cutting cubicle, eh?</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:26:36.56" id="p310" end="00:26:39.00">You are my son.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:26:39.00" id="p311" end="00:26:41.88">My only son.</p>
<p begin="00:27:02.24" id="p312" end="00:27:04.28">Benjamin!</p>
<p begin="00:27:06.08" id="p313" end="00:27:10.68">Did you pass a solid<br />into the upstairs lavatory?</p>
<p begin="00:27:10.68" id="p314" end="00:27:12.72">Benjamin?</p>
<p begin="00:27:25.32" id="p315" end="00:27:27.56">HORNS SOUND</p>
<p begin="00:27:38.08" id="p316" end="00:27:40.12">No!</p>
<p begin="00:27:40.12" id="p317" end="00:27:43.24">What are you going to do?!</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:27:50.92" id="p318" end="00:27:53.36">Go!</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:27:56.76" id="p319" end="00:27:59.72"><span tts:color="lime">Edward? </span>Don't worry, Tubbs!</p>
<p style="s3" begin="00:28:00.72" id="p320" end="00:28:03.84">They won't get far!</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:28:09.88" id="p321" end="00:28:16.92">Hi, Martin, it's me. I've been<br />trying to ring you all day.<br />I'm stuck in this shithole.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:28:16.92" id="p322" end="00:28:21.56">I don't suppose<br />things will get any worse.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:28:21.56" id="p323" end="00:28:26.40">Anyway, I'd better go. My uncle<br />locks up the house at 8.15.</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:28:26.40" id="p324" end="00:28:28.84">I'll call you tomorrow. Bye.</p>
<p begin="00:28:30.32" id="p325" end="00:28:35.36">'On the third stroke,<br />it will be 8.15 precisely.'</p>
<p begin="00:28:35.36" id="p326" end="00:28:39.12">BEEP-BEEP-BEEP</p>
<p style="s1" begin="00:28:56.92" id="p327" end="00:28:58.96">Hello?</p>
<p begin="00:29:20.00" id="p328" end="00:29:25.04">Subtitles by Greig Forbes, Subtext,<br />for BBC Subtitling - 1999</p>
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