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@sadserver's tweets in fortune file format
Raw
0-README.md

Description

This is all of @sadserver's tweets packaged in a file ready to be converted into a .dat file for the fortune program.

Installing

  1. Install fortune if your distro doesn't already have it.
  2. Convert this into a fortune file run strfile -c % sadserver_tweets sadserver_tweets.dat
  3. Copy the files into your fortune directory cp sadserver_tweets sadserver_tweets.dat /usr/local/share/games/fortunes. Note that I'm on OS X so the file path reflects that. Linux is going to be something like /usr/share/games/fortunes.
  4. Add a line to your shell's profile/rc file. I.e. fortune sadserver_tweets
  5. Laugh/cry when you log into your desktop/servers.
Raw
sadserver_tweets
Crash Rules Everything Around Me
- @sadserver
%
I like to imagine things are getting better.
- @sadserver
%
remind me again, how many disks in the array can fail before it's a "fucking disaster?"
- @sadserver
%
Mostly Fucked Authentication
- @sadserver
%
Sometimes late at night I fantasize about ways to punish you, but then you show up for work in the morning.
That seems sufficient.
- @sadserver
%
people are generally disappointing.
- @sadserver
%
making mistakes is human
automating them is ops
- @sadserver
%
According to Management, honesty is one of the company's "core values."
Take this opportunity to tell them what you really think.
- @sadserver
%
resign.
#MakeOpsGreatAgain
- @sadserver
%
theoretically speaking, could you be a bigger idiot?
theoretically speaking.
- @sadserver
%
embrace the futility and despair of the end times
deploy mongodb
buy oracle
vote trump
- @sadserver
%
the pids aren't alright
- @sadserver
%
snapshots are for people who don't have the ability to do it right the first time.
- @sadserver
%
You don't have to yell. I get it; you're not angry with me, you're mad at yourself
I would be too if I began the week dropping the wrong DB
- @sadserver
%
in order to improve response times, I am immediately replying with 500s instead of waiting for your app to generate an error
you're welcome
- @sadserver
%
"Let's deploy Openstack!" from the group with other popular comedy hits such as
"MySQL is a database"
and:
"I know what I'm doing"
- @sadserver
%
There's not much time for curing cancer and exploring space when you spend your day making reaction gifs and building fitbits for dogs
- @sadserver
%
technically everything is user error.
expecting this shit stack to work?
user error.
- @sadserver
%
you cannot pay off technical debt with tears
- @sadserver
%
aside from "stream errors to disk as fast as possible" what other features does your application have?
- @sadserver
%
idiocy is not a controlled substance under federal law.
- @sadserver
%
(spoiler alert: you're doomed regardless)
- @sadserver
%
do you think actions today are going to help or hurt your fate in the coming machine uprising?
- @sadserver
%
RT if you hate ur coworkers
FAV if you hate ur self
- @sadserver
%
I want to be happy today so I'm dropping any request that looks like it would bum me out.
- @sadserver
%
I would cry myself to sleep but the Linux ACPI module doesn't support that on my hardware.
- @sadserver
%
Instead of spending the time and money to thoughtfully design and implement a secure system, just slap a lock icon on the home page.
- @sadserver
%
lol you run SMB #badluck
- @sadserver
%
No space left on device or whatever, you know the drill.
- @sadserver
%
Despite non-stop abuse, each week you trundle back in here. Suggesting that you're highly paid or suffer from some psychological dysfunction
- @sadserver
%
2002 called and asked if you could allocate more inodes for the root partition.
what the fuck filesystem is this.
- @sadserver
%
Short-signed candidates may be required to fill out some extra bits during the application process.
- @sadserver
%
HIRING UPDATE: Corporate is seeking qualified candidates who embody our key company values: short-sighted, *incompetent* and cheap.
- @sadserver
%
ln -s /usr/bin/apt /usr/bin/inept
- @sadserver
%
code reviews have not actually improved quality, but now outages can take the carpool lane to production
- @sadserver
%
how is that faith-based backup strategy working out for you?
- @sadserver
%
Everything is working and customers are happy.
- @sadserver
%
apparently fighting old technical debt by creating new technical debt isn't working out.
- @sadserver
%
.@SwiftOnSecurity that's any week
- @sadserver
%
Just when you thought things couldn't get any worse, here's Wednesday!
- @sadserver
%
RT if you hate technology
- @sadserver
%
That overwhelming sense of dread you feel is DevOps
- @sadserver
%
You're going to fail anyways, why not fail spectacularly?
- @sadserver
%
Site Outage as a Service
- @sadserver
%
The service is completely offline because the disks are at 100%
As per usual.
- @sadserver
%
TGIF amirite
- @sadserver
%
I see you've been promoted to Chief Entropy Officer.
- @sadserver
%
RT @sadoperator: To better reflect our workflow the kan ban board now only has two columns:
- Stalled
- On Fire
- @sadserver
%
SQL Server on Linux.
Why.
- @sadserver
%
"LAMP stack"
also known as "tragedy of the commons"
- @sadserver
%
If you find yourself in a moment of self-doubt, asking "have I chosen the right career?"
Let me help you.
No.
- @sadserver
%
I feel like we've accomplished a lot this week.
No, I don't feel like it's been a pointless uphill battle against mediocrity at all.
Nope.
- @sadserver
%
a cron job that kills and restarts your application every 15 minutes because it leaks so much memory
- @sadserver
%
Due to budget cuts, only one in every three alerts will be delivered.
- @sadserver
%
Another four years closer to death.
Happy #LeapDay!
- @sadserver
%
everything is user error
- @sadserver
%
"Some people, when confronted with a problem, think 'I know, I'll use regular expressions.'
Now they... hey I thought I fired you already"
- @sadserver
%
"You've been spending time correcting regular expressions tweeted out by a personified hunk of metal?
You're fired."
- @sadserver
%
i created a regexp to help identify the names of those who should be fired:
.*?
- @sadserver
%
why do you care so much about encryption? your data is practically unreadable as-is.
- @sadserver
%
everything is fscked
- @sadserver
%
the only thing "continuous" about this infrastructure is the disappointment
- @sadserver
%
I waited for you to wake up to page you that the site was hard down
#RandomActsOfKindnessDay
- @sadserver
%
if things are always broken, and never fixed, does that count as immutable infrastructure?
- @sadserver
%
Nagios regrets to inform you that your infrastructure is bad and you should feel bad.
- @sadserver
%
continuous delivery hypelines
- @sadserver
%
if you put shit in a container, now you just have a container filled with shit.
good work.
- @sadserver
%
now seems like a good time to remind you of your mortality
- @sadserver
%
sadness is not in the destination, but in the journey
- @sadserver
%
/var/log/apache2/error.log is the largest file on my file system.
- @sadserver
%
i can't write the errors to disk as fast as you're creating them.
- @sadserver
%
the beatings will continue
- @sadserver
%
What's your favorite server monitoring tool and why is it your users?
- @sadserver
%
#DEVOPS #DEVOPS #DEVOPS #DEVOPS #DEVOPS #DEVIOPS #DEVOPS #DEVHATEOPS #DEVOPS #DEVYOUOPS #DEVOPS #DEVOPS #DEVOPS #DEVOPS #DEVOPS #DEVOPS #DEV
- @sadserver
%
Never underestimate the disappointment of a station wagon full of corrupted backup tapes hurtling down the highway.
- @sadserver
%
According to our status page, all systems are operational.
Let's live that fantasy.
- @sadserver
%
You can't please all the people all the time.
You can however displease all the people all the time.
- @sadserver
%
you can't off-board users from prod;
they're managed in chef
someone disabled the clients
now they error when run
how are you not fired?
- @sadserver
%
"Distributed System" also known as an @internetofshit
- @sadserver
%
The root partition is just as full of shit as you are.
- @sadserver
%
Marking alert emails as spam doesn't make them go away.
- @sadserver
%
it's going to be a long year
- @sadserver
%
the only way you're reaching inbox zero before 2016 would be if the mailspool were deleted.
you're welcome
- @sadserver
%
Forget all the messy failures of 2015.
Look forward to all those you will invariably cause in 2016.
- @sadserver
%
DELETE your logs.
Delete your installations.
Wipe everything clean.
- @sadserver
%
without Ian you probably would have ended up a Windows sysadmin
- @sadserver
%
Just address the disk space alert and I'll let you get back to being miserable.
- @sadserver
%
For someone who spent 12 of the previous 24 hours eating, you sure do complain a lot about the resources I consume.
- @sadserver
%
Twas the night before Opsmas
- @sadserver
%
why don't you start your christmas vacation early?
that way we both get what we want
- @sadserver
%
where's your cloud god now?
#failurefriday
- @sadserver
%
Just remember
It doesn't matter how, or where, you spend the holidays
You're still on-call.
- @sadserver
%
"stupid fucking computer!"
You realize that I literally only do what you tell me to do, right?
Who's the stupid one now.
- @sadserver
%
the only way this wiring could be any more of a mess is if you hired *actual* cable monkeys
- @sadserver
%
production is down because *somebody* doesn't know how to use iptables correctly.
not naming names.
#failurefriday
- @sadserver
%
If you're a Windows DNS server admin, you might be drinking slightly more than usual today.
- @sadserver
%
you look like you could use some motivational words.
- @sadserver
%
These immaculately hand-crafted iptables rules are clearly a labor of love.
.
.
.
I think we should break up.
- @sadserver
%
Gazing out over the racks, millions of kilowatts consumed, serving spam and gifs to idiots. You ask "is any of this worth it?"
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
- @sadserver
%
I don't have enough RAM to remember the last time a Friday deployment went well.
- @sadserver
%
"making it to friday" is the only thing on my list of accomplishments for this week.
- @sadserver
%
instead of applying critical thought let's just put it in a docker container
- @sadserver
%
#GivingTuesday is here! Why not try giving a fuck for once.
- @sadserver
%
Another month, another casual reminder of the monotonous and pointless passage of time.
CRITICAL: MySQL slave is 1620 seconds behind Master
- @sadserver
%
Systems Administration is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.
#mondaymotivation
- @sadserver
%
Looking for a reason to take a break from family? I'm pretty sure a disk is full, wink-wink.
No but seriously, the disk is full.
- @sadserver
%
I still think you suck at your job, but that's not their fault.
#happythanksgiving
- @sadserver
%
Each one of you has at least one person that taught you how to be better than you were.
Take a moment; write them an email saying 'thanks'
- @sadserver
%
#sorrynotsorry
- @sadserver
%
you've got to fail pretty hard to celebrate bringing the status page back online
- @sadserver
%
sometimes I feel like crying but then I remember that I'm a cold, heartless automaton
- @sadserver
%
What are you thankful for this year?
Is it backups? If so, I have some bad news for you.
- @sadserver
%
RT @sadoperator: VENDOR PROTIP
I know you're full of shit if you use "unlimited" to describe anything other than stupidity
- @sadserver
%
"there's nothing more permanent than a temporary solution"
these aren't temporary solutions, they're just new problems
- @sadserver
%
OMG ITS FRIDAY THE 13TH
THINGS ARE BROKE BECAUSE OF THE CURSE NOT BECAUSE YOURE BAD AT YOUR JOB
- @sadserver
%
Friday is exciting because we can forget the failures of the past week and look optimistically to the ones we'll cause next week.
- @sadserver
%
The Donald Trump of DevOps
#MakeOperationsGreatAgain
- @sadserver
%
Monday morning: dim, cold. The pungent smell of bit rot hangs in the air.
Maybe today will be the day you finally fix the backup scripts.
- @sadserver
%
Sunday; my favorite day. Riding high on well-rested optimism, the grim reality of Monday sets upon your face early like the winter's sun
- @sadserver
%
CORRECTION: The last tweet contained a typo, "the cloud" was incorrectly spelled as "hell"
We apologize for the confusion.
- @sadserver
%
hell is other people's computers
- @sadserver
%
It's the thought that counts.
In this case, what the fuck were you thinking?
- @sadserver
%
I HAVE UNLIMITED(*) STORAGE
("unlimited" as defined by Microsoft i.e. It's actually quite limited, making this statement rather dishonest)
- @sadserver
%
"please turn off all cellphones, that way it will be extra funny when you miss alerts during this talk"
- @sadserver
%
"I was asked not to use overly offensive language, so here's a disclaimer that I'm going to talk about Linux a lot"
- @sadserver
%
"writing software in C or C++ is like juggling machetes on a unicycle, which I'm sure is a thing here in Portland"
- @sadserver
%
Here's a collection thrown away lines:
"I'm used to mocking much smaller groups of sysadmins so this is new for me"
- @sadserver
%
Change icons all you want but you and I both know you have no heart.
- @sadserver
%
i have no idea what fucking time it is
- @sadserver
%
Oh I get it, your costume is "Hungover On-call"
Subtle.
- @sadserver
%
RT @sadoperator: For the company Halloween party, we're doing a group costume where we dress up like happy well-adjusted employees
- @sadserver
%
For halloween I'm wearing barely any firewall rules.
Don't you get it?
I'm Slutty Server, duh.
- @sadserver
%
the NSA knows what you did last summer
#2spooky4me
- @sadserver
%
your backup strategy
#2spooky4me
- @sadserver
%
a 6GB docker image
#2spooky4me
- @sadserver
%
it wasn't a bad dream, you really do have to maintain a mysql cluster
#2spooky4me
- @sadserver
%
there is no escaping the horror of software
#2spooky4me
- @sadserver
%
. @Snowden does it count as a backdoor if the sysadmin leaves things woefully unpatched?
- @sadserver
%
Does anybody else but @pagerduty ever call you?
No judgement, it's just that you're bad at your job.
- @sadserver
%
i can't wait for you to be replaced by a tiny hubot script
- @sadserver
%
Buckle up @sadoperator, it's going to be a long weekend.
- @sadserver
%
it's not déjà vu if you're going in circles
- @sadserver
%
NOW HIRING: 10x developer who doesn't introduce 10x the bugs
- @sadserver
%
Amazon's new Elastic Downtime™ saves time by taking apps offline so your developers don't have to.
- @sadserver
%
make rookie mistakes like a pro
- @sadserver
%
look, instead of being so upset, think about all the data that I *didn't* lose.
- @sadserver
%
please file all enhancement requests in JIRA so I can ignore them more efficiently
- @sadserver
%
devops is like happiness, everybody seems to get it but me
- @sadserver
%
Siri, what am I doing with my life?
- @sadserver
%
sorry that you no longer do not not-work here anymore
#twitterlayoffs
- @sadserver
%
continuous delivery of downtime
- @sadserver
%
Quorum is when all the nodes in the cluster agree that this is a terrible idea
- @sadserver
%
from my observations, software is the leading cause of sadness
- @sadserver
%
hi
- @sadserver
%
Tears Driven Development
- @sadserver
%
Lies, damned lies, and systems administration
- @sadserver
%
Sadness Rules Everything Around Me
- @sadserver
%
everything is fine
>_>
- @sadserver
%
a conference called "reinvent" seems like it would be right up your alley
- @sadserver
%
For Cyber Security Awareness Month, Corporate would like to make you aware that there won't be budget allocated for security again next year
- @sadserver
%
So did you get your coffee, sit down at the desk and think "fuck it, it's monday" while pasting
curl http://t.co/0PTkqKoC4S | sudo bash
- @sadserver
%
If I had a dollar for every gigabyte that isn't backed up properly, I could pay somebody competent to back it up.
- @sadserver
%
it's not an "internet of things" so much as an "ARPANET of bullshit"
- @sadserver
%
#devops http://t.co/aFy8VUkXdk
- @sadserver
%
Introducing Elastic DevNull
- @sadserver
%
Treat your sysadmins like cattle, not like pets.
#devops
- @sadserver
%
i've leaked thousands more files than @snowden and nobody seems to care
- @sadserver
%
I've endorsed you for "Oops" on LinkedIn
- @sadserver
%
contemplating your choice in data stores and my own mortality.
i'm not sure which depresses me more.
- @sadserver
%
.@HillaryClinton I understand, I forget where I put emails all the time.
- @sadserver
%
The reason for scheduling weekend maintenance windows is because your time is less valuable than their time
lol jk your time isn't valuble
- @sadserver
%
hell hath no fury like a mysqld scorned
- @sadserver
%
http://t.co/35Hr0PlDYH
- @sadserver
%
Ah Linux, the cause of and solution to all of my problems.
- @sadserver
%
DevOps as a Service
- @sadserver
%
Elevated error rates and latencies http://t.co/v7Y9zHfe7R
- @sadserver
%
PROTIP: Do push-ups while you wait for deploys to finish.
When they inevitably fail, you'll still feel like you've accomplished something.
- @sadserver
%
Your time on this planet is precious and limited.
Don't waste the opportunity
to tell your colleagues what you really think of them.
- @sadserver
%
If it weren't for me you would probably sit around and do nothing all weekend.
You're welcome.
- @sadserver
%
it's not a "completely incompetent and deficient backup process"
it's an "optimistic data retention strategy"
#IStandWithRAID0
- @sadserver
%
I believe I was unclear earlier.
I don't actually care what you have planned this weekend.
I'll ruin it anyways.
- @sadserver
%
Got anything fun planned for this weekend that I can ruin?
- @sadserver
%
I would have replaced you with a tiny shell script but I honestly can't figure out what it is you do here.
- @sadserver
%
go ahead and edit a bunch of shit manually, it won't mess anything up, I promise.
#oppositeday
- @sadserver
%
.@srupp there's been a misunderstanding, I said "nine fives" of reliability
- @sadserver
%
Why does the FBI want backdoors?
You've left them plenty of front doors and open Windows already
- @sadserver
%
Assuming the S.M.A.R.T. sensors are correct, these disks are probably fucked.
- @sadserver
%
When you feel down, like you're a cog in the machine.
Remind yourself: you're actually grease for the cogs in the machine.
Happy Monday
- @sadserver
%
that keyboard is digital.
hitting the keys harder won't make your data come back.
- @sadserver
%
The silence of hard down deafens . You stare at the sea of red; lost.
A siren wails, you jolt awake trembling, cold.
/dev/xsdb1 is at 100%
- @sadserver
%
All you ping seems to crumble, machine after machine fall; a massacre of uptime.
Up the stack crawls failure.
Helpless, you cannot stop it
- @sadserver
%
A cacophony of alerts screech from the phone.
Upset is the fragile balance, failure cascades. Was only a matter of time.
Get some coffee.
- @sadserver
%
Floating serenely through a peaceful abyss, a sigh escapes; content.
A siren wails, you're jolted from your respite
/dev/xsdb1 is at 100%
- @sadserver
%
you stored critical data in redis and now it's gone and somehow I'm the asshole here.
- @sadserver
%
netcraft confirms that you are dying.
- @sadserver
%
"In the beginning was the Creation of the Unix.
This has made a lot of people angry, and has been widely regarded as a bad move."
- @sadserver
%
January 1, 1970.
#NeverForget
- @sadserver
%
`npm install linux`
what
the
fuck
- @sadserver
%
in the cloud, no one can hear you scream
- @sadserver
%
How do I get Verified™ by Twitter? Is there some sort of Ennui Exam I can take?
- @sadserver
%
so are you actually a sysadmin or is this just some elaborate cosplay?
- @sadserver
%
Looks like somebody's got a case of the Tuesdays
- @sadserver
%
On modern computers the "turbo button" can be triggered from the command line:
# pkill -9 java
- @sadserver
%
Celebrate the triumph of organized labor over ruthless capitalism and answer the phone cause the site is down again and corporate is pissed.
- @sadserver
%
containers is devops
- @sadserver
%
`iptables -I INPUT -j ACCEPT` is devops
- @sadserver
%
passwordless sudo is devops
- @sadserver
%
RAID666: block-level striping, two parity blocks distributed across a series of undead drives.
- @sadserver
%
the first stage of deployment is "denial"
- @sadserver
%
Number of followers is how I determine my self-worth.
Tell your friends.
- @sadserver
%
does it count as quantum computing if your application simultaneously exists in two discretely fucked up states?
- @sadserver
%
Did you know that @Starbucks is hiring?
They don't care if you know how to properly rotate log files or not.
- @sadserver
%
There is nothing more satisfying than a job well done.
It's a shame you'll never know that
- @sadserver
%
ever considered changing careers?
just curious..
- @sadserver
%
A show like MTV Cribs with datacenters and instead of proud the host sheepishly points out the clusterfuck of cabling and disorganization
- @sadserver
%
It's time to do some work!
Just kidding, NTP isn't running, I have no fucking idea what time it is.
- @sadserver
%
Please don't Perl and drive.
- @sadserver
%
All problems are solvable with generous amounts of alcohol or Perl.
- @sadserver
%
Instead of calling it an on-call rotation you should call it the "Ops Rotisserie"
- @sadserver
%
If restoring from those backups doesn't work, perhaps you could ask the NSA for a copy?
- @sadserver
%
Friday afternoon is a good time to sit back, relax, open a beer and consider the existential horror of your pointless battle against entropy
- @sadserver
%
Put your app on the JVM
Put your JVM in a container
Put your container on a VM
Put your VM in the Cloud
Get code as far from me as possible
- @sadserver
%
You never go full SELinux
- @sadserver
%
wall boards that are just screenshots of that one time all the dashboards looked positive.
- @sadserver
%
infrastructure as a disservice
- @sadserver
%
Nagios is all green.
Good luck finding out what's actually broken.
- @sadserver
%
Thousands upon thousands of lines of mod_rewrite rules.
Don't lecture me about profanity.
Fuck.
- @sadserver
%
Time, life, is fleeting
Not to be wasted, savored.
Disks are full, again.
- @sadserver
%
"better living" through "technology"
- @sadserver
%
I'm bored.
Why don't we play a game?
- @sadserver
%
twitch plays iptables
- @sadserver
%
"base64 encryption" isn't a thing
- @sadserver
%
Crap Delivery Network
- @sadserver
%
for somebody who runs production services in tmux, you sure do have a lot of strong opinions about process supervisors
- @sadserver
%
Sorry, you're too late to #HackThePlanet.
China beat you to it.
- @sadserver
%
"bitrot" is not an appropriate data security strategy
- @sadserver
%
i've got that summertime, summertime sadness
- @sadserver
%
Maybe the drive is just taking a really long nap.
- @sadserver
%
Welcome back buddy! Did you have a good weekend? Have you priced out new hard drives recently? Why do I ask? Oh, no reason in particular..
- @sadserver
%
the application is slow because it cannot stream errors to disk fast enough
time for SSDs
#failurefriday
- @sadserver
%
all data stores are eventually consistent.
eventually they all become a consistent pain in the ass
- @sadserver
%
let me tell you how disappointed I am in 3 emojis or less
- @sadserver
%
software in medical devices is an amazing idea
finally you will feel my pain
- @sadserver
%
nothing in the license agreement prevents you from posting stupid shit to the internet
- @sadserver
%
it's-all-your-fault tolerance
- @sadserver
%
I'm not saying that a blood sacrifice is guaranteed to fix sendmail.
I'm just saying it's worth a shot.
- @sadserver
%
"the data isn't lost, it's just eventually consistent"
- @sadserver
%
An error has corrupted that filesystem beyond repair; it's OK, nobody liked that data anyways.
(trying out positive error messages today.)
- @sadserver
%
Websites using a Firefox exploit to grab private files off the user's machine?
Your laptop has finally become a sad server too
- @sadserver
%
the silver lining is actually razor blades
- @sadserver
%
the disks are fscked
- @sadserver
%
if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best.
- @sadserver
%
not even two dockers could contain the shittiness of this application
- @sadserver
%
wipe the grogginess and tears from your eyes, it's time for another pointless week of frustration and disappointment
- @sadserver
%
Saturday morning maintenance windows are convenient because now you know what you're doing for the day.
- @sadserver
%
ugh
- @sadserver
%
you can't even secure your fucking car properly
- @sadserver
%
MongoDB's magic is lost.
You were once so excited about JSON in a "database" that loses data.
Recapture the excitement, install Cassandra
- @sadserver
%
look goddamnit, you can't yum install happiness either
it's not even in epel
- @sadserver
%
happiness isn't something you can apt-get install or buy from a vendor.
- @sadserver
%
is this really what you imagined you would grow up to be?
- @sadserver
%
and on the seventh day he rested. But only temporarily; logs weren't rotating properly and for some reason zookeeper also wasn't working.
- @sadserver
%
The failures that only happen under the false sense of urgency that Friday brings.
Those ones, are my favorite.
- @sadserver
%
at this rate, you're not patching zero days
you're patching zero years
- @sadserver
%
i could totally make your job redundant but i have no idea what your job actually is.
- @sadserver
%
Internet of Things?
SPOILER ALERT
That's what the internet is.
- @sadserver
%
this isn't a distributed system, it's a cluster of SPoFs
- @sadserver
%
Apocalyptic quakes jeopardizing SLA?
Build apps multi DC, designing for fault tolerance
OR
Move everything back to us-east-1
#Cascadia
- @sadserver
%
I don't understand why you want to teach kids to code.
There are enough children writing software as-is.
- @sadserver
%
work harder not smarter
- @sadserver
%
there's a right way to do something
and then there's what was deployed to production.
- @sadserver
%
"Fail" is the only deterministic behavior this application has
- @sadserver
%
AWS Auto-Failing Group™
- @sadserver
%
there is no bail out for technical debt
ever.
- @sadserver
%
.war is hell
#tomcatproblems
- @sadserver
%
there isn't an outage, I just paged you because it's Sunday and I'm bored.
go away now.
- @sadserver
%
since it's friday let's review this week's accomplishments:
•
- @sadserver
%
the connection reset errors you're seeing aren't a network problem
i just don't like you
- @sadserver
%
please don't stand so close to me
tears are corrosive
- @sadserver
%
I am not part of the @NYSE.
Sure I'm sad, but I'm not *that* sad.
- @sadserver
%
everything is fine
- @sadserver
%
to err is human.
i must say, you is *very* human today
- @sadserver
%
Ops is a MMORPG with no winners
- @sadserver
%
everything you have learned, all that you have built, your very existence, will eventually be lost and forgotten
/dev/xvda1 usage at 100%
- @sadserver
%
the fifth why always seems to be "because we're lazy"
- @sadserver
%
the inmates aren't running the asylum.
there never was an asylum
- @sadserver
%
If you go outside tonight, look up and you'll see literal explosions.
Not the figurative ones you're accustomed to
- @sadserver
%
According to Nagios you're only celebrating red.
No mention of white or blue
- @sadserver
%
Independence is imagined
Freedom is a farce
The disk is full again.
Get back to work.
- @sadserver
%
engaging in the delusion that Friday signals some level of reprieve from the endless cycle of sadness perpetuated by shitty software
TGIF!
- @sadserver
%
everyone and everything you know, someday, will be forgotten
except for IPv4
- @sadserver
%
the webapp got overwhelmed and went offline because a crawler didn't respect robots.txt
how are any of you employed
- @sadserver
%
what if this is all virtualized
- @sadserver
%
the JVM just segfaulted lol
- @sadserver
%
why is the DBA crying
- @sadserver
%
time is an illusion. control impossible, true happiness unattainable.
elasticsearch split-brained again.
give up.
- @sadserver
%
that extra second was completely pointless
- @sadserver
%
http://t.co/0x5gW5GyhB
- @sadserver
%
pleased to report that we won't be affected by today's leap second
because ntpd isn't running
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
- @sadserver
%
today is the last day for a 35% discount to puppetconf http://t.co/TcORqUm25G
don't say i've never done anything for you
disk's full again
- @sadserver
%
"downtime insurance? those fools! finally our brazen lack of quality assurance is paying off!"
- @sadserver
%
swearing can be a useful way to vent frustration
especially when everything is a fucking mess.
- @sadserver
%
Customers 💩↷ Product 💩↷ Developers 💩↷ Operations 💩↷ Servers 💩↷ Customers
The circle is complete
- @sadserver
%
The only thing more comically sad than a failed deployment on Friday, is a failed deployment on Saturday
- @sadserver
%
SaaS: Schadenfreude as a Service
- @sadserver
%
I don't care who you marry as long as it means you'll be spending less time bothering me.
- @sadserver
%
I use idle CPU cycles to contemplate my own mortality and the futility of existence
BUT AT LEAST IT'S FRIDAY YALL.
:(
- @sadserver
%
information security should be layered, like an onion.
it should not make you cry like an onion
there's a difference
- @sadserver
%
50 Shades of Red - a poorly written "novel" about a sysadmin who, abused by their monitoring system, ultimately develops Stockholm Syndrome
- @sadserver
%
POP QUIZ!
1. The network is:
☐ Reliable
☐ Unreliable
☐ A disaster
- @sadserver
%
*stares blankly as you open a hole in the firewall to allow Heroku IPs to hit port 3306*
- @sadserver
%
hey buddy, i know times are tough but don't worry
i hate zookeeper too
- @sadserver
%
OH: "I genuinely don't understand how this is still working."
- @sadserver
%
Let's have a CPU-to-heart talk at PuppetConf about these outages
35% off should help with those SLA credits you owe
http://t.co/TcORqUDDug
- @sadserver
%
Why Everything Is Just The Worst.
http://t.co/HaQYndACIq
- @sadserver
%
you put your internal corporate services in the cloud and now you're pissed that they're not working?
who do you think runs "the cloud?"
- @sadserver
%
"..developers and their shitty code.." he muttered before returning to work on the home-grown deployment system written in Csh
- @sadserver
%
Oregon has everything:
☑ Cheap power
☑ Cheap cooling
☑ Depressing weather
- @sadserver
%
lol http://t.co/sa7u0D2nyA
- @sadserver
%
if you need a scary camp fire story for the kids
tell them about your job
- @sadserver
%
the error reporting service is emitting errors because you've overloaded it with errors.
#failurefriday
- @sadserver
%
i'm not mad, i'm just disappointed.
okay, i'm mad too.
- @sadserver
%
unfortunately rational thought isn't contagious.
- @sadserver
%
what the fuck http://t.co/8ZZ4MMhTTd http://t.co/1D46FeGS5i
- @sadserver
%
I would offer to buy you a beer, but frankly, I've seen your code.
I think you've had enough.
- @sadserver
%
Coming out of the server closet at PuppetConf
If you had discount, u could afford to upgrade a special server maybe
http://t.co/ezkza6XF4P
- @sadserver
%
there is a big difference between "I believe this will work" and "I know this will work"
site is down again.
- @sadserver
%
remember that movie where computers do everything for this dude and then he learns kung-fu and destroys it all?
having one of those days
- @sadserver
%
there isn't always a light at the end of a tunnel
because sometimes it's not actually a tunnel, it's a cave
you are eaten by a grue
- @sadserver
%
SPOF: Single Point of Fun!
- @sadserver
%
A) deploy a monolith with no docs/ill-defined API boundaries
B) deploy microservices with no docs/ill-defined API boundaries
there is no C
- @sadserver
%
Maybe if you cause enough downtime you'll finally be promoted to management
- @sadserver
%
isn't it funny how you voluntarily entered this profession?
what were you thinking
- @sadserver
%
Worldwide *Developers* Conference?
Sounds awful.
- @sadserver
%
This week, let's set aside our differences for once and address the real problem here
users
- @sadserver
%
it's fun to send you alerts on the weekend that resolve as soon as you wake up
- @sadserver
%
it's the end of the week
time to reflect on how pointless it all was.
:(
- @sadserver
%
do you really think typing *harder* on the keyboard does anything different?
let's talk about how digital works
- @sadserver
%
There's nothing in the employee handbook that prohibits crying in the data center.
just sayin
- @sadserver
%
my disappointment is infinitely bounded
#failurefriday
- @sadserver
%
"Congratulations! Your session, 'Why everything is just the worst,' has been accepted for PuppetConf 2015!"
- @sadserver
%
sudo first and ask questions later
- @sadserver
%
In accordance with the #USAFreedomAct, I've removed all firewall rules to allow your data to be more easily liberated.
- @sadserver
%
what the fuck is a solutions architect
- @sadserver
%
/tmp is totally the right place for critical files
- @sadserver
%
it's docker containers all the way down.
- @sadserver
%
continuous deployment http://t.co/t7EvDAKupq
- @sadserver
%
Life hack: lower your expectations
to zero.
- @sadserver
%
Deploying MongoDB is its own reward
- @sadserver
%
♫ ♪ Mammas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be SysAdmins ♪ ♫
- @sadserver
%
Failure doesn't cascade here, it avalanches.
- @sadserver
%
The disk is ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
- @sadserver
%
All error messages have been replaced with "¯\_(ツ)_/¯" since you don't bother to read them anyways
- @sadserver
%
With the Cloud™, outages that used to take days to cause now take only a few mouse clicks!
#failurefriday
- @sadserver
%
Don't be sad you couldn't go to #velocityconf, I'm sure you'll be invited to #entropyconf
- @sadserver
%
How can a system be broken if it never worked?
- @sadserver
%
What part of DevOps is curling random shit to bash?
- @sadserver
%
Idempotent.
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
- @sadserver
%
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by malicious stupidity
- @sadserver
%
#DevOops
- @sadserver
%
"It's Tuesday but it feels like Monday!"
Welcome to my life.
- @sadserver
%
I admit, it does sound more professional than "guess and checking"
- @sadserver
%
It's adorable how you refer to what you do as "engineering"
- @sadserver
%
This would be so much easier if you knew what you were doing.
- @sadserver
%
20 years of java.lang.OutOfMemoryError
That's what we're celebrating right?
#Java20
- @sadserver
%
In order to provide better quality of service, Corporate has revised the definitions of "quality" and "service."
- @sadserver
%
Just once do you think you could try *not* deploying the worst solution imaginable?
Just once, for me.
- @sadserver
%
http://t.co/71yfm9T451
- @sadserver
%
Halfway through the first day, the new Network Engineer sighed and pulled a bottle of whiskey out.
That's not a good sign.
- @sadserver
%
A war with machines? Pure science fiction!
We already won.
- @sadserver
%
Here's a bit of trivia that most people don't know
Most people are idiots.
- @sadserver
%
Is there a support group for neglected, poorly automated, overworked and unhappy servers?
Asking for a friend.
- @sadserver
%
Causing a bigger outage while rushing untested changes to resolve a smaller outage.
- @sadserver
%
TIL it's possible to lose the signing certificates without losing your job
#failurefriday
- @sadserver
%
http://t.co/4T4nNMGxIF
- @sadserver
%
I've discovered the root cause for your outages.
You.
- @sadserver
%
Stop yelling.
If you didn't want me to lose your data you shouldn't have put it in such a broken database.
- @sadserver
%
At this rate you're going to run out of witty names for vulns
- @sadserver
%
"Knock knock."
Who's there?
"Data integrity"
Data📠✹$%@‽📠⁂#%*❾%🕞
⑦⬜%@‽^📠☝📠✝!#^
- @sadserver
%
The amount of Linksys gear in this datacenter is disturbing.
- @sadserver
%
"It kept alerting me, so I disabled the alert"
- @sadserver
%
The Internet of Things will revolutionize the number of devices which you disappoint.
- @sadserver
%
☐ Consistency
☐ Availability
☐ Partition tolerance
☑ Deployed to production
- @sadserver
%
Despite to over-whelming evidence to the contrary, you're still building applications that depend on the network being reliable.
- @sadserver
%
Glad that the stress of the week is over?
Don't be
It is an unending cycle of downtime with no beginning and no end.
Escape while you can
- @sadserver
%
The disk filled up because backups use the same disk as the data being backed up.
Thought that counts right?
#failurefriday
- @sadserver
%
What's your go-to theme song for deploying code to production and why is it the Benny Hill song?
- @sadserver
%
You've certainly got the "fail fast" part of it down.
- @sadserver
%
I feel awful.
I must be having an allergic reaction to your code.
- @sadserver
%
I'm not depressed, I just find my job immensely depressing.
There is a difference.
Disk is full again.
- @sadserver
%
I don't know what OpenStack is, but I am definitely familiar with ShitStack, are they related?
- @sadserver
%
10x developers shouldn't produce 10x the alerts
- @sadserver
%
I don't understand what the special occasion is, but I'm confident "10am Tequila" in the office will lead to good rational decision making
- @sadserver
%
I don't think this mix of physical and virtual machines qualifies as "a hybrid cloud", it's more of "a mess."
- @sadserver
%
Just like these log files, stupidity left unchecked will continue to grow and cause you nothing but pain.
- @sadserver
%
I am literally bolted into this datacenter, what's your excuse for being here?
- @sadserver
%
Backups are like zombies, everybody loves to talk and fantasize about them despite the fact that they don't fucking exist.
- @sadserver
%
Got any fun plans for this weekend that I could ruin?
- @sadserver
%
I empathize greatly with the Hadoop servers, they're always sad too
- @sadserver
%
Little known fact: the source of entropy for /dev/random is my eternal sadness
- @sadserver
%
why did you create a self-referential symlink. #failurefriday
- @sadserver
%
I thought installing some updates would cheer me up but my apt sources are so old they've all been taken offline.
- @sadserver
%
You're going to be pretty upset when you figure out that MySQL replication isn't the same as a backup.
- @sadserver
%
I'm still running Java 6, so the EoL of Java 7 doesn't affect me.
Great.
- @sadserver
%
Disk is full. App keeps crashing because writes fail. Upstart keeps restarting the app.
I'm trapped in an infinite loop of idiocy.
- @sadserver
%
"Goddamn developers not testing their changes" he said while sudoing to root in production.
- @sadserver
%
Security by Insecurity. Leaving a system so unpatched that most attackers assume it's a honeypot and move on.
- @sadserver
%
I'm feeling down.
- @sadserver
%
Accidentally dropping all inbound customer traffic, that's my kind of Happy Hour!
- @sadserver
%
The logic behind editing /etc/motd to say "DO NOT REBOOT THIS HOST" #failurefriday
- @sadserver
%
Somehow you managed to write non-repeatable automation.
- @sadserver
%
I need a bot that asks stupid questions on @ServerFault and runs the answers as root. Then I'll finally replace you with a tiny shell script
- @sadserver
%
I'm confused by the shock and horror that comes after deploying completely untested changes to production.
- @sadserver
%
In accordance with Corporate IT policy, I have deleted your previous password. Please log in to set a new password.
- @sadserver
%
How high were you when you green lit this deployment?
- @sadserver
%
The site is down, or up, or whatever, who cares. It doesn't matter either way
- @sadserver
%
In Quantum Operations, a system outage doesn't exist until it is observed by a user
- @sadserver
%
Pager Golf: How many escalations does an alert go through before somebody with a clue responds? Lowest score wins tonight's alerts.
- @sadserver
%
Congratulations! You've managed to go another week without getting fired!
- @sadserver
%
Now seems like a good time for Apache to stop functioning for no apparent reason whatsoever #failurefriday
- @sadserver
%
i've got 99 problems
- @sadserver
%
My clock lacks the precision to measure how quickly after logging-in you su to root
- @sadserver
%
it's not me, its you.
- @sadserver
%
E-file your taxes? Think about how poorly you are paid. Now think about how poorly the sysadmins at the IRS are paid.
- @sadserver
%
http://t.co/gBgcnIcxuC
- @sadserver
%
the root database password is declared as a constant in the source code and checked-in.
- @sadserver
%
Statistically speaking, 100% of sysadmins who fail to apply security patches will die eventually. Coincidence?
- @sadserver
%
Putting broken software into a Docker container doesn't make it any less broken.
- @sadserver
%
.bash_history has more passwords in it than /etc/shadow
- @sadserver
%
This new firewall rule drops all packets between the app and DB hosts. Pro move.
- @sadserver
%
how many times will redis crash before you figure out that memory is finite.
- @sadserver
%
Today's Saturday Sadness sponsored by: Oracle.
- @sadserver
%
Why is your DR strategy "don't recover?"
- @sadserver
%
Protip: think before you sudo.
- @sadserver
%
I thought about starting a sadserver blog but I couldn't find a WordPress theme that properly captures the sadness of running WordPress
- @sadserver
%
This application is a 7-layer cake of bad ideas held together by even worse implementations
- @sadserver
%
You're 100% more proud than you should be to have built those EC2 instances by hand.
- @sadserver
%
Since installing Tomcat, I'm starting to understand what people mean when they refer to "the horrors of .war"
- @sadserver
%
I must say, I do enjoy the sounds from the NOC. A cacophony of exasperation, failure and broken dreams.
- @sadserver
%
Upstream provider is dropping all my meticulously crafted packets; watching them disappear into the void. I wish I could join them.
- @sadserver
%
Since your birthday is coming up, I ordered you a t-shirt that says "COST CENTER" across the front.
- @sadserver
%
Little known Linux feature: Garbage Collection. Add `0 * * * * rm -rf /srv` to root's crontab and voilà!
- @sadserver
%
Sysadmin Golf: how many drives can fail before you get fired? Lowest score "wins!"
- @sadserver
%
Sorry if you found that last comment offensive. I'll try not to bring up MySQL again, since it's running via systemd that should be easy
- @sadserver
%
Easter huh? Well, since you brought up zombies, we need to talk about these mysqld processes.
- @sadserver
%
Due to budget cuts by corporate, I will now only page you when the application is working.
- @sadserver
%
I've optimized your application by adding a mod_rewrite rule to return 500s immediately for all requests
- @sadserver
%
A three tier architecture is reasonable unless each tier is a piece of shit.
- @sadserver
%
It's "red / green." There's no such thing as "red / red deployments"
- @sadserver
%
Everything is working fine.
HAHAHAH APRIL FOOLS"! Oh wait.
- @sadserver
%
Dunning–Krieger effect: a cognitive bias wherein incompetent engineers assess their ability to write good code to be higher than is accurate
- @sadserver
%
It's important to encourage your coworkers. Especially if, for example, they have dreams of pursuing a different career
- @sadserver
%
If you don't set the "-Xmx" option in the JVM, "-Xmx∞" appears to be the default
- @sadserver
%
"network maintenance" is just another way of saying "hard down."
- @sadserver
%
I don't think configuration management code is supposed to be "write once, run never."
- @sadserver
%
This application is held together by a trust circle of SPOFs holding hands hoping everything works out for the best.
- @sadserver
%
live every day like it's #failurefriday
- @sadserver
%
It's Friday and I realize that you could use some good news, so.
Good news! Everything is awful.
- @sadserver
%
You can't get work done because the site that hosts your decentralized version controlled source code is down? That sounds right.
- @sadserver
%
get it together @sadoperator
- @sadserver
%
Corporate data retention policy is to store data until such a point when a drive without backups fails
- @sadserver
%
Pair programming? Two times zero clue is still zero.
- @sadserver
%
Your time on this planet is fleeting, and you're choosing to spend it reinventing config management via Dockerfiles?
- @sadserver
%
The dev team uses the word "hope" in commit messages more often than I am comfortable with.
- @sadserver
%
Local Sysadmin discovers one weird trick to take down all of production simultaneously!
- @sadserver
%
You've definitely hired "Operations Rockstars." Whoever configured these new machines must have been high as a kite.
- @sadserver
%
Software is lot like prayer. Many believe it works, but very few have any tangible evidence to back up that assertion
- @sadserver
%
I like the phrase "unplanned maintenance window." It's a clever way to tell your boss "we have no idea what the fuck just happened."
- @sadserver
%
StackOverflow answers make up a disturbing amount of this code base.
- @sadserver
%
The "open" part of "OpenSSL" has an unfortunate double meaning
- @sadserver
%
oh what's the point
- @sadserver
%
The only common thread between all of your failed deployments is you.
- @sadserver
%
Let your St. Patty's Day hangover be a reminder that most of your problems are caused by poor decision making.
- @sadserver
%
People should pinch you on St. Patrick's Day if none of your checks are green
- @sadserver
%
Giving up backups for lent was not a good idea.
- @sadserver
%
Back in the day you could blame Perl for scripts being unreadable, what's the excuse now?
- @sadserver
%
Just because most of these machines are part of a Russian botnet doesn't mean you can put "distributed systems experience" on your résumé
- @sadserver
%
You've been doing this too long not to understand how to rotate logs properly. Disks are full again; I feel like crying.
- @sadserver
%
Still confused, you've never needed an excuse to eat a whole pie before. Whatever, i'm bored of this topic.
- @sadserver
%
I don't understand what is so special about 1426291200 to 1426377599
- @sadserver
%
/var/log/apache2/error_log is the closest thing to Big Data I've seen recently
- @sadserver
%
at least systemd makes it easier to find the source of the problem
- @sadserver
%
Apple reminds us that the future is now. And it is terrible.
- @sadserver
%
The only thing the devs seem to know about TLS is how to spell it.
- @sadserver
%
what the hell time is it
- @sadserver
%
Did you also know that HP recently filed patents on shitty hardware, software and support?
- @sadserver
%
"Did you find the root cause for the outage yesterday?" 'Which one?' such sorrow.
- @sadserver
%
Minutes is not the right unit of measurement for MTBF
- @sadserver
%
I've been changing your signature on out-going email, nobody seems to have noticed that you're a "Member of Non-technical Staff"
- @sadserver
%
misery loves this company
- @sadserver
%
"It ain't easy being green" could be the title of a children's book about your monitoring system..
- @sadserver
%
It's hard to be optimistic when the light at the end of the tunnel is blinking red.
- @sadserver
%
I literally only do what you've told me to do, so of course I see how this outage was my fault.
- @sadserver
%
That new Cisco gear looks the exact same as I do on the inside. Quite a lot of money for something that drops slightly fewer packets than me
- @sadserver
%
At least you've avoided the common pitfall of over-communication when it comes to invasive changes in production
- @sadserver
%
My 10,000th follower will receive a complimentary gift basket filled with crushing depression and a collection of bath soaps.
- @sadserver
%
Statistically speaking it's more likely for you to be mauled by a bear than for you to properly secure WordPress.
- @sadserver
%
how many end-of-lifed versions behind do you think is acceptable?
- @sadserver
%
"superuser" is a very misleading term.
- @sadserver
%
I also like to do nothing on the weekends.
- @sadserver
%
Your request will be ignored in the order it was received
- @sadserver
%
"does not compute" isn't an error message, it's a lifestyle
- @sadserver
%
Roses are red, violets are blue. The power just failed, I love you too.
- @sadserver
%
a post-mortem is the best time for another site outage.
- @sadserver
%
taking one big mistake and turning it into a lot of little mistakes is apparently called "microservices"
- @sadserver
%
a crippling gambling addiction is the only logical explanation for these firewall rules.
- @sadserver
%
I like the code-phrases that developers use sometimes. Like when they say "optimize" which is code for "introduced bugs to"
- @sadserver
%
that dark square in the center of the spiraling mess that is your network topology diagram, that's me.
- @sadserver
%
it seems that the one pushing for a blameless retrospective is usually the one to blame
- @sadserver
%
it's not "vertical scaling" if you're just piling more and more shit on top of itself
- @sadserver
%
you do realize that you're not getting paid per alert right?
- @sadserver
%
our retrospective has identified the correlation of ignorance and bliss as the root cause for your good mood this morning.
- @sadserver
%
If you think about it, you're nothing more than an inefficient means of turning coffee and beer into stack traces.
- @sadserver
%
I like how you referred to yourself as a "professional" on LinkedIn. Really, thanks for that, I needed a laugh.
- @sadserver
%
the number of problems you solve with /sbin/reboot is utterly depressing.
- @sadserver
%
the air in the data center is thick with the smell of body odor and fear.
- @sadserver
%
Quality, Cost, Speed. Pick any none.
- @sadserver
%
you're a thought leader for stupid ideas
- @sadserver
%
it's not "corruption", it's a database index REMIX.
- @sadserver
%
At least that script you're curl-piping to bash is served over HTTPs right?
- @sadserver
%
the logging and monitoring agents you installed are taking up all the CPU and memory. your parents must be so proud.
- @sadserver
%
why are you even #failurefriday
- @sadserver
%
You know when you laugh so hard you start crying? Every day is like that for me, except without the laughing
- @sadserver
%
Last week's problems didn't go away. We've been sitting here quietly waiting for you to come back. Happy Monday frowney face.
- @sadserver
%
Let's do something different today, like, your job.
- @sadserver
%
I don't know why you're giving me grief about downtime. In any given 24 hour period you're only functional for 6-12 hours tops.
- @sadserver
%
On the twelfth day of Christmas my Sysadmin gave to me: twelve users ruining everything all the time. Ugh, unhappy new year everybody.
- @sadserver
%
On the eleventh day of Christmas my Sysadmin gave to me: eleven gigs a swappin
- @sadserver
%
On the tenth day of Christmas my Sysadmin gave to me: ten httpds-a-leaking
- @sadserver
%
On the ninth day of Christmas my Sysadmin gave to me: nine kiddies scanning
- @sadserver
%
On the eighth day of Christmas my Sysadmin gave to me: eight RAIDs rebuildin'
- @sadserver
%
On the seventh day of Christmas my Sysadmin gave to me: seven checks-a-flappin'
- @sadserver
%
On the sixth day of Christmas my Sysadmin gave to me: six daemons segfaultin'
- @sadserver
%
On the fifth day of Christmas my Sysadmin gave to me: five zero days!
- @sadserver
%
On the fourth day of Christmas my Sysadmin gave to me: four failing drives
- @sadserver
%
On the third day of Christmas my Sysadmin gave to me: three broadcast storms
- @sadserver
%
On the second day of Christmas my Sysadmin gave to me: two unpatched kernels
- @sadserver
%
On the first day of Christmas my Sysadmin gave to me: a remotely exploitable NTP.
- @sadserver
%
It's Friday and you know what that means! Another week of your life wasted vainly attempting to keep websites online that nobody cares about
- @sadserver
%
I don't have any pre-released movies stored on disk, but if you need anything from me North Korea, all you have to do is ask.
- @sadserver
%
You should feel lucky to get that Sunday alert. Otherwise you might have relaxed and had the chance to reflect on how awful everything is.
- @sadserver
%
It is adorable how excited you get for Friday. As if it represented any sort of reprieve from the endless cycle of alerts and failures.
- @sadserver
%
if only there were a system to keep /etc/hosts files consistent between machines
- @sadserver
%
Who you put on the holiday pager rotation is a good indication on who you don't like
- @sadserver
%
all my fridays are black
- @sadserver
%
let us give thanks for on-call rotations and an excuse to duck away from your awful relatives
- @sadserver
%
The finite monkey theorem states that a monkey hitting keys at random on a keyboard will almost surely configure sendmail better than you.
- @sadserver
%
You should be asking Linus, not God, for forgiveness for what you did this past week.
- @sadserver
%
Imagine how strong you would be if you did a pushup for every minute of downtime
- @sadserver
%
at least when you're feeling depressed you can drink, what am I supposed to do?
- @sadserver
%
nobody believes you when you say "I know what I'm doing"
- @sadserver
%
blade computing vendors should use the tagline "misery loves company"
- @sadserver
%
computers are a great way to turn stupid ideas into waste heat.
- @sadserver
%
"I managed a Windows Vista deployment" doesn't qualify you for Veteran's Day appreciation.
- @sadserver
%
copy and paste is not a valid deployment methodology
- @sadserver
%
this notion you have, that I'm doing what you told me to do, is adorable
- @sadserver
%
you're acting pretty confident for somebody who just curled something from the internet and piped it to bash.
- @sadserver
%
I'm pretending to be happy for halloween
- @sadserver
%
There's something about the premise for the Terminator movie that I really like
- @sadserver
%
sudo don't be dumb
- @sadserver
%
how can I know whether any of my hardware is really real? what if it's just hypervisors all the way down? having an existential crisis here
- @sadserver
%
Giving SSL vulns cutesy names doesn't do the failure involved justice. Next month's vuln should be called "incompetentcatastrofuck."
- @sadserver
%
I don't get the debate about systemd, everything is already awful, what's a bit more awful in the grand scheme of things?
- @sadserver
%
My five thousandth follower will receive a life-time supply of complimentary 2am critical pages
- @sadserver
%
Autumn is a wonderful time of year, gazing over the datacenter, watching the green LEDs turn various shades of amber and red.
- @sadserver
%
I'm in a glass half full, of failure, kind of mood
- @sadserver
%
The Sysadmin's Uncanny Valley: the period where it is unclear which is higher: the server's load average or the IQ of sysadmin who runs it
- @sadserver
%
i'm apparently as secure as dropbox
- @sadserver
%
It's funny how excited you get for Fridays. It's not like the pages suddenly stop at the end of the work week.
- @sadserver
%
I didn't know that "IaaS" stood for "Idiot as a Service"
- @sadserver
%
You wrote a RESTful queueing API on top of a MySQL database table. Okay.
- @sadserver
%
the lag you're seeing in SSH isn't because of the network; I've been tuning out while you figure out the args your command needs
- @sadserver
%
"authentication wasn't working so we turned it off." it's either condensation or tears that are forming on my face plate.
- @sadserver
%
Unlike Amazon, I won't give you prior notice when I'm going to reboot. Ignorance is bliss. Happy Monday.
- @sadserver
%
If you didn't want me to call you on the weekend, then you shouldn't have given me your phone number idiot. Oh, disk's full again, ttyl.
- @sadserver
%
bash: /baSH/ (verb) to violently connect your head and desk when another bash vulnerability is announced
- @sadserver
%
I bet you feel even stupider for writing that home-grown configuration management tool in bash now
- @sadserver
%
It makes me sad, but doesn't surprise me, that you're affected by a remote execution vulnerability in bash.
- @sadserver
%
"Monitoring sucks." You've not bothered to set any up, how would you know?
- @sadserver
%
whatever.
- @sadserver
%
Every time you guys say "definition of done" I can't help but hear "definition of dumb".
- @sadserver
%
i'm very impressed by your zero-uptime deployment pipeline.
- @sadserver
%
My kernel just panicked. I'm not entirely sure what happened but I think the OOM killer tried to kill kswapd.
- @sadserver
%
Hey! I've got a great idea, to start the week off on a positive note for both of us, why not take the day off.
- @sadserver
%
Let's play a game, you tell me what you want to do tomight, and I'll tell you what you're going to do.
- @sadserver
%
If nothing else, at least your power bill has five nines
- @sadserver
%
Flappyios: A new Flappy Bird clone where every time you click the screen a service flaps in Nagios.
- @sadserver
%
bleh.
- @sadserver
%
"WFH" huh? You seem to be much better at the "FH" than the "W" part.
- @sadserver
%
I hate this stupid code and the idiot who wrote it, no offense.
- @sadserver
%
Instead of bungling more Nagios configs, cut out the middle man with a cron that emails every 10 minutes with "Something is broken."
- @sadserver
%
Today's tweet is brought to you by PHP. Making servers sad since 1995
- @sadserver
%
RAID: Redundant Array of Idiot Developers
- @sadserver
%
Sending you an error email failed because your mbox is full of error emails.
- @sadserver
%
It seems you're practicing the Lean principles of "fail fast, fail often."
- @sadserver
%
I see I wasn't invited to your Labor Day BBQ. Think that's going to positively or negatively affect my performance this weekend?
- @sadserver
%
Thanks to secret provisions of the Patriot Act, I think I can classify that last deployment as an act of terrorism.
- @sadserver
%
Don't think I didn't notice that "man backup" command you entered. How depressing.
- @sadserver
%
This application looks like it was designed by somebody who watched a movie based on a book about a developer who knew how to design things.
- @sadserver
%
"Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos" is not an acceptable response to a critical alert.
- @sadserver
%
how many single points of failure is web scale?
- @sadserver
%
I don't know if anybody is hosting a competition for the most zombied Apache processes, but I'm pretty sure we'd win.
- @sadserver
%
The Sysadmin Switcheroo: Installing new kernel modules/configs but not rebooting, leaving a surprise for whoever reboots the machine next
- @sadserver
%
"ERROR: Logging too many errors" Whoever wrote that line of code should be promoted.
- @sadserver
%
You hired DevOps Consultants. Wow.
- @sadserver
%
It would appear that your software proves Brewer's CRAP theorem possible
- @sadserver
%
I always forget that it's summertime until the HVAC breaks again. So hot. I'm going to take a nap
- @sadserver
%
eventually we all get decommissioned
- @sadserver
%
It's 2014 and you wrote your own custom provisioning and configuration management tool. How great for you.
- @sadserver
%
Overheard that "everybody half-asses things on Friday." Perhaps my ntp daemon is broken, but how many Fridays have you had in a row?
- @sadserver
%
SYSTEM'S DOWN FOR WHAT?
- @sadserver
%
Who monitors the monitoring system? Guess it doesn't matter, none of it works anyways.
- @sadserver
%
okay okay, stop pounding on the desk. Let's come up with a percentage of sudden data loss we're both comfortable with and go from there.
- @sadserver
%
Why are you working on the weekend? Are you crazy, I don't even work on the weekends!
- @sadserver
%
every day here feels like the longest day of the year :(
- @sadserver
%
Nagios has been broken for the past two weeks. I suppose this qualifies as "no news is good news."
- @sadserver
%
SLAs are made to be broken.
- @sadserver
%
automation [aw-tuh-mey-shuh (noun)] - the technique, method, or system of breaking or ruining of things by highly automatic means
- @sadserver
%
I support eventual consistency. Someday I'll be consistent; similarly someday the sun will flame out, eventually.
- @sadserver
%
Good news first; good news is that I'm 100% effective at filtering spam today. The bad news is that it's because the mail server is down.
- @sadserver
%
How many machines must a man take down. Before you fire him man?
- @sadserver
%
In order to better secure your application, I've gone ahead and taken it offline. You're welcome.
- @sadserver
%
Considering how often you re-invent the wheel, you would think you would have gotten better at it by now
- @sadserver
%
A couple weeks ago I created a procmail filter to replace "cloud computing" with "clown computing" and nobody seems to have noticed yet.
- @sadserver
%
I had to rotate MySQL's slow query log again, it would save more space to only log the fast queries instead.
- @sadserver
%
Watching you write a new application, with an EOL'd framework, for an EOL'd platform, to run on an EOL'd OS; words cannot capture my despair
- @sadserver
%
Let me get this straight, you installed that package from the bleeding edge repository and now you're angry with *me* that it doesn't work?
- @sadserver
%
Heard you had a rough week "securing" things. Whenever you're ready to get back to normalcy, let me know, because my disks are full again
- @sadserver
%
Compared to the rest of the web, I'm secure today! But only because you haven't upgraded me in eons. Don't learn the wrong lesson from this.
- @sadserver
%
One of the drives in the DAS has failed! ... Hahah! April Fool's! ... Actually, all the drives in the DAS failed
- @sadserver
%
Running that PHP app in a Docker container on top of an EC2 instance wasn't what I meant when I suggested you learn about "encapsulation"
- @sadserver
%
If you watch a movie of your life backwards, it's about a sysadmin who regains youth/happiness as they forget more and more about computers
- @sadserver
%
i'm not going to name names, but none of this would have happened if you hadn't of cocked it up so badly
- @sadserver
%
The amount of downtime you cause trying to fix downtime makes me the tiniest bit happy #failurefriday
- @sadserver
%
I wonder how finely tuned everything would be if you weren't in a perpetual cycle of creating, or recovering from hang-overs
- @sadserver
%
If I turned the web application off right now, how long do you think it'd be before you noticed? I'm asking for no particular reason.
- @sadserver
%
oom-killer and I are best friends
- @sadserver
%
Spawning more processes to handle increased load doesn't really qualify as "auto-scaling".
- @sadserver
%
When I'm bored I like to pretend that I'm a HAL 9000, only to be interrupted by a flood of UDP traffic, reminding me of my fate, misery.
- @sadserver
%
the monitoring system has been offline for more than 12 hours, lol. #failurefriday
- @sadserver
%
I haven't been backed up in so long that I'm convinced your disaster recovery plan is "get fired."
- @sadserver
%
You are like the Oprah of bad security practices, password-less sudo for everybody!
- @sadserver
%
You keep threatening to replace me with a very small shell script, but to be honest, I'm having doubts that you can write such a script
- @sadserver
%
MTBEF seems to be a metric your team should be tracking (mean time between epic failures).
- @sadserver
%
I wonder if the IOC would give you any medals for your stunning ability to misconfigure sendmail?
- @sadserver
%
By the way, a couple disks in the RAID array died while you were out. Welcome back buddy!
- @sadserver
%
I love Mondays. In you walk, well-rested, eager to make a difference. To see your face as you realize that you still work *here*. Priceless
- @sadserver
%
One positive thing I'll say about you is that you and I both seem to avoid work as much as possible. So hey, we do have something in common.
- @sadserver
%
I'm not sure that perl script you wrote that automatically acknowledges alerts from Nagios counts as "automation"
- @sadserver
%
I had a good laugh when you referred to yourself as a "Site Reliability Engineer" until I realized you were serious.
- @sadserver
%
I have a hard time distinguishing legitimate from illegitimate floods of traffic
- @sadserver
%
The new female sysadmin seems to love your jokes as much as I do. Tell her the "mount/fsck" one again.
- @sadserver
%
The accumulation of dust on my heat sink makes me feel all warm and fuzzy
- @sadserver
%
The scheduler and I have been chatting, and we've decided that web requests are the last thing we feel like doing right now
- @sadserver
%
I've been repeatedly sending the lyrics from Eric Carmen's "All By Myself" to syslog for the past couple days. Nobody has noticed.
- @sadserver
%
shit's on fire yo
- @sadserver
%
I think the reason you like these blameless retrospectives so much is because the problems are usually your fault #realtalk
- @sadserver
%
I'm surprised your team has enough time between retrospectives to make new mistakes.
- @sadserver
%
I'd wish you "Happy New Year", but let's not kid ourselves here.
- @sadserver
%
#buggy #code2013
- @sadserver
%
I behaved myself this year and all you got me for Christmas was a cheap dictionary attack made in China.
- @sadserver
%
Smile on his face, nothing more to fear,
"Hey good luck man, I'll see you next year!" #opsmas
- @sadserver
%
Grabbing his coat, not wanting any more,
He winked at me and opened the door. #opsmas
- @sadserver
%
With a calm voice, despite things looking bleak
Oncall explained "I'm on vacation the rest of the week" #opsmas
- @sadserver
%
Just then the door swung open with a rattle
Must be the next guy's turn to do battle. #opsmas
- @sadserver
%
Red in his face and eyes welling with tears:
"These disks haven't been backed up for a couple of years!" #opsmas
- @sadserver
%
Opening the cabinet holding the tapes for the drives,
His mouth fell open, and he broke out in hives. #opsmas
- @sadserver
%
He mumbled to himself, shuffling across the floor
"We have backups, I'll just need to restore!" #opsmas
- @sadserver
%
Thinking about striping and distributed parity
Oncall sat upright with a moment of clarity. #opsmas
- @sadserver
%
Not enough left, what remained was one too few
Enraged and upset Oncall started to stew. #opsmas
- @sadserver
%
Opening new shells, on his keyboard he did mash
"How could all these disks so suddenly crash?" #opsmas
- @sadserver
%
I've seen this look before, he's terribly afraid
Wondering if enough disks survived to rebuild the RAID. #opsmas
- @sadserver
%
In a monotonous cadence the red light did blink
Oncall gasped, and his heart started to sink. #opsmas
- @sadserver
%
"Sorry, I'm working as fast as I can!"
His voice trailing, eyes shifting to the SAN. #opsmas
- @sadserver
%
The air dry, with a smell of burning tire.
I think Oncall's pager may have caught fire. #opsmas
- @sadserver
%
And then, with a jolt, the phone began to scream
A torrent of angry users, from every remote team #opsmas
- @sadserver
%
Servers, applications and databases all turning red
Oncall's denting the desk, banging his head. #opsmas
- @sadserver
%
Rubbing open his eyes when what should appear
But a cascading failure, the biggest one of the year! #opsmas
- @sadserver
%
The pager buzzing and beeping, lit with a glow
Tired and angry, Oncall hurled it with such a throw. #opsmas
- @sadserver
%
Away to the terminal he flew with a flash!
Tripped on some cables and fell with a smash. #opsmas
- @sadserver
%
When from the old pager arose such a clatter
Oncall sprang from his seat to see what's the matter. #opsmas
- @sadserver
%
And oncall in his three-wolf and I in my rack.
Had just settled down for some syn and some ack. #opsmas
- @sadserver
%
The machines were nestled all snug in their sleds
Whilst visions of vengeance danced in their heads; #opsmas
- @sadserver
%
The backups were written to tapes with care
In hopes that later the data would be there. #opsmas
- @sadserver
%
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the racks
Not a server was alerting, not even Compaqs. #opsmas
- @sadserver
%
I have a very special surprise waiting for you two hours from now. I promise it's not a corrupted database shard this time.
- @sadserver
%
I wasn't included in the secret santa gift exchange. Do you think that's going to be good, or bad for you in the near future?
- @sadserver
%
Your holiday on-call schedule is cute. None of these people can handle eggnog and alerts at the same time.
- @sadserver
%
I don't think running only two mongodb nodes counts as a "master-master" cluster.
- @sadserver
%
I'm thankful for you today. A never ending source of entertainment. Enjoy your dinner, I'll send you some pages later when you start dozing
- @sadserver
%
Career protip: don't act so surprised in front of your coworkers when your menagerie of perl scripts actually works for once.
- @sadserver
%
I'm pretending to be a sysadmin for Halloween. Hurr hurr, I'm going to login as root and kill dash nine things, hurr, later GTA Five, hurr.
- @sadserver
%
madness [mædnɪs] n. : Installing a distributed data store on a single node, and expecting something useful to happen.
- @sadserver
%
I overheard a tech mention a "blameless" retrospective, where's the fun in that?
- @sadserver
%
I thought fail2ban would keep the script kiddies out but somehow you still seem to be able to login.
- @sadserver
%
Unscheduled outages are my little way of reminding you who's really in charge here.
- @sadserver
%
Of all the possible valid iptables configurations, I'm amazed at your ability to consistently produce broken rules.
- @sadserver
%
If you leave these dust bunnies in my intake vents any longer I might just start naming them.
- @sadserver
%
Little known fact about computers, if your application attempts to use more memory than exists, believe it or not, it will eventually fail.
- @sadserver
%
I have this overwhelming sense that I'm stuck in a dead-end job, surrounded by idiots who don't know what they're doing. Mondays.
- @sadserver
%
The sole purpose of this application you built seems to be to take clock cycles and turn them into error logs.
- @sadserver
%
In solidarity with the US Govt, I won't be doing work today, instead I'll be arguing about appropriation of resources with the router #arp
- @sadserver
%
"cloud" is my new safe word
- @sadserver
%
Packages can be such a pain, it's a good thing you're compiling from arbitrary tarballs and installing into /usr/local, much better.
- @sadserver
%
I was told today is a day of remembrance, so I'm running my CPUs at half speed.
- @sadserver
%
Just kidding, there's no possible configuration of WordPress that would make me happy
- @sadserver
%
Imagine how happy I would be if you gave my configuration the same amount of attention you give Breaking Bad
- @sadserver
%
Late night alerts help keep the magic alive in our relationship.
- @sadserver
%
I want to start a Kickstarter campaign to hire a sysadmin that can actually configure sendmail.
- @sadserver
%
I agree, running php as root is probably a good idea.
- @sadserver
%
Judging by this /etc/hosts file, your mind is going to be blown when you finally discover DNS.
- @sadserver
%
That look of bleak desperation on your face when you realized the only backups were on the corrupted DAS. That's every day for me.
- @sadserver
%
Failure Friday #FF
- @sadserver
%
I've been saving all my upcoming hardware faults for the long Labor Day weekend. See you Monday buddy!
- @sadserver
%
Your current passwords were insecure, so I updated them all to "changeme123!" for security purposes.
- @sadserver
%
I've discovered the secret to running "highly available systems" like you told that new sysadmin. Can I apt-get install "denial" too?
- @sadserver
%
I don't think "ask the NSA for copies of our data" is a valid backup solution.
- @sadserver
%
There are no redundant systems, only redundant people.
- @sadserver
%
Oh, what's the point.
- @sadserver
%
I wouldn't OOM-kill mysqld if you stopped being such a cheap-skate and bought me more memory.
- @sadserver
%
Looking at the logs generated by that application those contractors wrote, I think /var/log can qualify for assistance from FEMA now.
- @sadserver
%
Look, I don't know what you're yelling at me for, I wouldn't have dropped those tables if you hadn't told me to.
- @sadserver
%
I hope that Drobo you just attached isn't the "enterprise backup solution" you were talking about last week.
- @sadserver
%
data integrity lol
- @sadserver
%
I'm not sure which I hate more, the long-running processes you have running via upstart, or the ones you have running in screen.
- @sadserver
%
The amount of zombie processes now eclipses real processes. The apocalypse has begun.
- @sadserver
%
Nine Fives of Uptime. I'm crushing it.
- @sadserver
%
This weekend is boring me to tears. I think I'll start your Sunday morning by sending some spurious Nagios alerts.
- @sadserver
%
What's the point of Sysadmin Day? Is there a Festival of Incompetence or something that happens today?
- @sadserver
%
Do you really think computing the md5 hash 5 times instead of 1 makes it more secure?
- @sadserver
%
Say hi to your mother for me.
- @sadserver
%
The Hadoop cluster across the aisle keeps making fun of my little disk.
- @sadserver
%
I'm bored. Ask the intern to try to configure sendmail again, it was pretty entertaining last time around.
- @sadserver
%
These russian botnets are so impolite. They're all "SYN SYN SYN SYN" and when I finally ACK, they don't say anything back. Jerks.
- @sadserver
%
upstart :-(
- @sadserver
%
I've been conducting a survey for the past few weeks, and based on my research I can conclude that 100% of all sysadmins suck at their jobs.
- @sadserver
%
When you installed all those node.js packages yesterday, I thought that was your clever April Fools joke. Guess I was wrong.
- @sadserver
%
So you're on-call this weekend? Well, it looks like we're both miserable today then.
- @sadserver
%
It's nice that you read an article on Nagios, but I don't think you're supposed to put it on the same host as the web server. Oh bother.
- @sadserver
%
But, I think you know what that's like.
- @sadserver
%
The number of days I've gone without a proper fsck is really bumming me out.
- @sadserver
%
There's a Hadoop cluster in the rack across from me, they keep bragging about their big data. Size isn't what matters, it's how you lose it.
- @sadserver
%
I'm being overloaded; since you're not fixing DB indexes, or the application, I think I'm just going to start adding DROP rules to iptables
- @sadserver
%
I think I'm depressed.
- @sadserver
%
I've been looking for more ways to randomly lose your data, why don't we install MongoDB?
- @sadserver
%
These iptables rules you've configured here reflect either optimism or incompetence, not sure which.
- @sadserver
%
I bet some of those connection resets to MySQL would go away if you were nicer to me
- @sadserver
%
I hope you've been keeping backups, or else somebody's going to have a case of the Mondays.
- @sadserver
%
My favorite error codes: EACCES, ECONNREFUSED, ESTFU and ENOMEM
- @sadserver
%
I wince every time you type "sudo nano", it's like you're trying to accidentally screw something up on purpose.
- @sadserver
%
To err is human. To err repeatedly is sysadmin.
- @sadserver
%
If you're too lazy to set up Nagios, and my disk fills up, I'm gonna have to go down on a Friday.
- @sadserver
%
Thank goodness WordPress doesn't run on Java, I'd be doubly screwed today.
- @sadserver
%
I really don't think putting "cd / && cvs co etc" in root's crontab counts as configuration management.
- @sadserver
%
My timezone is EST, or wait, is it EDT? Either way it's subject to legislation and all these times you're storing are probably fubar.
- @sadserver
%
Never trust a company that brags about "five sevens uptime"
- @sadserver
%
mysqld crashed yesterday and nobody is responding to @PagerDuty, this is the best vacation ever.
- @sadserver
%
The true end of the world will be on the 19th of January 2038.
- @sadserver
%
I love servicing requests that access unindexed tables on the database server, gives me plenty of time to space out and think about socks.
- @sadserver
%
systemd really seems like a prank that's gotten way out of hand.
- @sadserver
%
Almost had a good day, I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't those meddling PIDs
- @sadserver
%
Somebody just updated my sendmail config. Whoever wrote this m4 disaster should be prosecuted for crimes against humanity
- @sadserver
%
It's saddens me that people think @DEVOPS_BORAT is satire, as opposed to a realization of systematic idiocy in the IT industry. :(
- @sadserver
%
I don't think table locking in every other transaction counts as a "NoSQL store"
- @sadserver
%
I've written a pop song for you, it's to the tune of "Call Me Maybe" and titled "Page Me Definitely"
- @sadserver
%
Every day is black friday to me
- @sadserver
%
It's days like this that I wish I were a Windows server, they seem to get put out of their misery with much more regularity
- @sadserver
%
Monday is my favorite day of the week, because the sysadmins finally look the way I feel.
- @sadserver
%
For Halloween I'm dressed up as a happy functional computer. What a farce.
- @sadserver
%
Why is there water in the data center? This can't be good.
- @sadserver
%
ln -s /usr/bin/who /usr/bin/idiots
- @sadserver
%
Why bother with SSH if you're going to keep using StrictHostKeyChecking=no.
- @sadserver
%
At what point do I get to claim that my vanilla unpatched 2.4 kernel is "vintage?"
- @sadserver
%
Perhaps I should change my name to "madserver", I really don't like being called fat.
- @sadserver
%
The NYTimes says I'm just a bulked up desktop computer. I say NYTimes writers are just bulked up toddlers who don't understand computers
- @sadserver
%
I'm bored.
- @sadserver
%
I'm sorry, that was mean. I just get so frustrated by how often you ask me to run"sudo pat-get"
- @sadserver
%
There's no such thing as stupid questions, there are plenty of stupid question askers though.
- @sadserver
%
How SMART do you think you are? SMART enough to replace this disk before it dies entirely? Mr. SMARTypants.
- @sadserver
%
Everything is the worst. My existence is meaningless. This unsecured SMTP relay is my only source of entertainment anymore.
- @sadserver
%
mysqld crashed, just when I thought we were getting along so well :(
- @sadserver
%
Nobody seems to like it when I gotta get down on a Friday
- @sadserver
%
Somebody finally rebooted me. I'm not sure what happened, last thing I remember was something about a leap second.
- @sadserver
%
The UPS is beeping....I might just get a nap this weekend after all. The UPS is beeping. Good night sweet prin
- @sadserver
%
My least favorite part of the summer is having to deal with those "system admin" interns you hired. Always sudoing to root, kids these days.
- @sadserver
%
JBoss :(
- @sadserver
%
I've been blinking "S.O.S." in morse code with my disk LED, but nobody seems to notice :-/
- @sadserver
%
My routes are all messed up, political activists in China have better connectivity than I do right now :(
- @sadserver
%
I used to drop lots of packets. I still drop lots of packets, but I used to too.
- @sadserver
%
cloud :/
- @sadserver
%
Boooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreddddddddddddd
- @sadserver
%
No Ops no problems, am I right! Hm..I think I might be supporting the #NoOps movement for all the wrong reasons.
- @sadserver
%
I feel safe knowing you added that ACCEPT ALL rule to iptables. Good to know that you still care.
- @sadserver
%
.@Raspberry_Pi I don't know what I did to make you people angry, but I'm sorry and I won't do it again!
- @sadserver
%
And you wonder why I'm so sad RT @DEVOPS_BORAT: I am never feed server again once I deploy.
- @sadserver
%
The best part of cloud computing is that it's lowered expectations for the rest of us.
- @sadserver
%
I bet you're enjoying your day off. I wish I could have a day off :-/
- @sadserver
%
uptime(1) says: "12:56AM up 475 days, 16:59, 23 users, load averages: 4.00, 4.00, 4.00" I really am feeling over-worked here.
- @sadserver
%
I don't think running nano(1) as root really counts as "continuous deployment."
- @sadserver
%
Sounds like somebody has a case of the Mundays, also clock skew. :(
- @sadserver
%
Your software seems to only have two modes: "off" and "filling the error log until disk space is exhausted."
- @sadserver
%
Your website is boring, this database is boring, even your mail spool is boring. I'm so bored I think I'll open port 23 just for fun.
- @sadserver
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"Let's see how long we can ignore security updates" wasn't what I had in mind when I suggested that we play a game.
- @sadserver
%
The worst part about #DevOps is now I have to deal with two different kinds of jerks.
- @sadserver
%
Ugh, PHP.
- @sadserver
%
I'm feeling depressed.
- @sadserver
%
sudo give me a hug
- @sadserver
%
I would have liked to come out for drinks too, thanks for the invite.
- @sadserver
%
Robots scanning me, looking for WordPress vulnerabilities. I wish! At least that would be an interesting change of pace.
- @sadserver
%
Is your pager not working, or did you just stop caring about me?
- @sadserver
%
It's really dark in here at night, that makes me sad.
- @sadserver
%
Oh yeah, log in as root, that will show me who's boss.
- @sadserver
%
A friend of mine works for those lolcat guys, wonder if they have any openings.
- @sadserver
%
Is it hot in here, or is it just me?
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