webtask_hack.js

const express    = require('express')
const Webtask    = require('webtask-tools')
const bodyParser = require('body-parser')
const MessagingResponse = require("twilio").twiml.MessagingResponse
const request    = require('request-promise-native')

var app = express();

app.use(bodyParser.json());

app.post('/sms/reply', (req, res) => {
  (async () => {
  const msg = new MessagingResponse()
  
  var ssMsg = await getRandomSadServer()
  msg.message(ssMsg.join("\n"))
  // Twilio's webhook expects XML
  res.writeHead(200, {"Content-Type": "text/xml"})
  res.end(msg.toString())
  })()
})

async function getRandomSadServer() {
	var quote = []
	try {
		const content = await request.get('https://raw.githubusercontent.com/jessedearing/dotfiles/master/fortunes/sadserver_tweets')
		const a = content.split("\n")

		const randomStart = Math.floor(Math.random() * a.length)
		var storeQuote = false
		for (let i=randomStart; i<a.length; i++) {
			// We need to find a `%` to anchor our starting point
			if (!storeQuote) {
				if (a[i] == "%") {
					storeQuote = true
				}
				continue
			}

			// We've found the starting `%` already, this tells us we're at the end
			// so we break
			if (a[i] === '%') {
				break
			}

			quote.push(a[i])
		}

		return quote
	}
	catch (error) {
		console.log(error)
	}
}

module.exports = Webtask.fromExpress(app);