Work-in-progress: Democratic rebuttal to "Welcome to the Republican Party"

gistfile1.txt

The original:

Father-Daughter Talk
A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat, and was very much in favor of the redistribution of wealth. She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.

One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the addition of more government welfare programs. The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father. He responded by asking how she was doing in school. Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn't even have time for a boyfriend, and didn't really have many college friends because she spent all her time studying. Her father listened and then asked, "How is your friend Audrey doing?"

She replied, "Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies, and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on campus; college for her is a blast. She's always invited to all the parties, and lots of times she doesn't even show up for classes because she's too hung over."

Her wise father asked his daughter, "Why don't you go to the Dean's office and ask him to deduct a 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA."

The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily fired back, "That wouldn't be fair! I have worked really hard for my grades! I've invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work! Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my tail off!"

The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, " Welcome to the Republican party."


Comeback joke:

Hey, Son, I need you to fix my computer.

Why can't you fix it yourself?

Because I don't know how!

Didn't they teach you in school?

No. We didn't have computers back then.

How about in college?

Nope.

The University of Pennsylvania got their first computer in 1946. Why didn't you learn it there?

I don't know. I didn't know I needed to know computers. Besides, they've changed a lot since then.

...I didn't have the same opportunities you have...

...I didn't know I needed that skill...

What makes you think you're entitled to own a computer?

Because it's the 21st Century! Everyone has a computer, It's essential to modern life

Can't you take it to the computer store?

Are you kidding? That costs a fortune! Besides I have children to help with the running of this household...

I hear you can get free computer classes at the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses down the street.

That's not going to happen. I'm sure I'd have to listen to them talk about more than just computers.


Ok, so why should I help you?

Because we're a family! I gave you your start in life! I was there for you when you needed me. Now it's about time you did a little something to take care of me!

Welcome to the Democratic Party.