“Affordable”: Dirty
“Student atmosphere”: Very dirty
“Downtown”: Overpriced
“McGill Ghetto”: Rip-off
“Close to universities”: In Montreal
“Close to the metro”: In Montreal
“Close to bus station”: Nowhere near anything else
“Close to all amenities”: I wonder if the landlords know what ‘amenities’ means
“On the Plateau”: “Plateau” includes, but is not limited to, Ville-Marie, Petite-Patrie, Villeray, Outremont and Rosemont…
“Lower Plateau”: Rented
“Lower Plateau, available and cheap”: Gay Village
“3BR $700”: 3 ½ ≠ 3BR, stupid
“Renovated”: Planning to renovate
“Partly furnished”: Previous tenants left behind an old couch
“Fully furnished”: 2-month lease
“Spacious”: Photos taken by a professional
No pictures: Even professional photos can’t make it look habitable
No phone number: Landlord can’t be bothered… WITH ANYTHING
“No emails please”: Landlord is 146 years old
“Sunny”: Too warm
“Heating included”: Freezing cold
“Everything included”: Electricity included
“Washer and dryer provided in the apartment”: Neither work
“Bright”: Has windows
“Possibility for parking”: There is a street in front of the apartment
“Peaceful street”: No-Students-Allowed-Club
“Quiet neighbourhood”: You’ll be woken up at 7:00 a.m. by children in the playground, but your neighbours will call the cops at 9:00 p.m. if they hear the slightest noise coming from your apartment
“Safe place”: Montréal-Nord
“New building”: Crumbling
“Best location”: Let’s not talk about the apartment itself
“Amazing place”: Available now
“Open concept”: 8 ½, two rooms
“Must see”: Been available for weeks, no one is interested
“Closets”: One closet
“Closets in every room”: One room
“Closets in all three bedrooms”: No windows
“Open house on Saturday”: Fantastic apartment, 43 people apply, you’re not selected
Crescendo – I’M-FED-UP-OF-LOOKING-FOR-APARTMENTS!!!