Bash compliments when you clear your screen. You deserve it. ;)

compliments.sh

# from https://gist.github.com/jordan-brough/fc085fa50f520ef022c9
# inspired by http://emergencycompliment.com/
function emergency_compliment {
  ruby <<RUBY
    require "rubygems"
    require "json"
    today = Time.now.strftime('%Y-%m-%d')
    today_filename = "/tmp/compliments-#{today}.json"
    latest_filename = "/tmp/compliments-latest.json"
    json = if File.exist?(today_filename)
      File.read(today_filename)
    else
      begin
        require "net/http"
        json = Net::HTTP.get("p-static.animoto.com", "/fun/compliments.js")
        File.open(today_filename, 'w') { |f| f.puts json }
        File.open(latest_filename, 'w') { |f| f.puts json }
        json
      rescue Exception
        if File.exist?(latest_filename)
          File.read(latest_filename)
        end
      end
    end
    if json
      parsed = JSON.parse(json)
      if RUBY_VERSION <= "1.8.7"
        puts parsed.choice["phrase"]
      else
        puts parsed.sample["phrase"]
      end
    else
      puts "YOU LOOK GOOD TODAY"
    end
RUBY
}

function cls {
 clear
 echo "                                   _"
 echo "                               .-~  )  HI JORDAN! `emergency_compliment`"
 echo "                    ..--~~~~,'   ,-/     _"
 echo "                 .-'. . . .'   ,-','    ,' )"
 echo "               ,'. . .    ,--~,-'__..-'  ,'"
 echo "             ,'. . .  (@)' ---~~~~      ,'"
 echo "            /. . . . '~~             ,-'"
 echo "           /. . . . .             ,-'"
 echo "          ; . . . .  - .        ,'"
 echo "         : . . . .       _     /"
 echo "        . . . . .          \`-.:"
 echo "       . . . ./  - .          )"
 echo "      .  . . |  _____..---.._/ _____"
 echo "~---~~~~----~~~~             ~~"
 echo ""
 echo ""
 echo ""
 echo ""
}