My .bash_profile from axiom

.bash_profile

# .bash_profile

# Get the aliases and functions
if [ -f ~/.bashrc ]; then
	. ~/.bashrc
fi

# User specific environment and startup programs
# Set colors
export CLICOLOR=1
export LSCOLORS=GxFxCxDxBxegedabagaced
export OMP_NUM_THREADS=16

#command to make a directory and cd right into it
mkcd() { 
    mkdir "$@" || return
    shift $(( $# - 1 ))
    cd "$1"
}

#always use the color option for ls
alias ls='ls --color'
#take me right to my home drive on our new drivespace
alias shome='cd /mnt/EXT/Schloss-data/kiverson'
#get me my job info without typing all this junk
alias qs="qstat -u kiverson"
#always use the best python
alias python='/usr/bin/python2.7'
#show me running jobs
alias running="qstat -u kiverson | awk '{if(\$10=="R") {s+=1}} END {print s}'"
#I can typing
alias mf="echo 'did you mean mv?'"

#set my path
PATH=/mnt/EXT/Schloss-data/kiverson/sratoolkit.2.4.4-centos_linux64/bin/:/mnt/EXT/Schloss-data/bin:$HOME/bin:$HOME/env/bin:/opt/bioinf/amos/3.1.0/bin/:/opt/bioinf/mummer/3.23/bin/:/opt/bio/hmmer/bin/:$HOME/bin/glimmer-mg/bin/:$PATH

#bowtie likes this
BT2_HOME='/users/kiverson/bin/bowtie2-2.0.0-beta2'

#convert fastq files to fasta: fq2fa reads.fq > reads.fa
alias fq2fa="awk '{print \">\" substr(\$0,2);getline;print;getline;getline}'"
#a calculator: calc 1+1 etc.
calc(){ awk "BEGIN{ print $* }" ;}

#fancy history
shopt -s histappend


#set variables
export BT2_HOME
export PATH
#export HISTTIMEFORMAT="%F %T "
#emacs sucks
export EDITOR=vim
#my super secret r libraries
export R_LIBS="/users/kiverson/R/library"
#perl, barf
export PERL5LIB=$PERL5LIB:/opt/bioinf/mummer/3.23/scripts/:/users/kiverson/bin/:/users/kiverson/bin/PfamScan/:/usr/lib/perl5/vendor_perl/5.8.8/Moose/
#don't store this junk in my history
export HISTIGNORE="&:ls *:ls:ls -l:ls -lh:ls -l *:ls -lh *:qstat:qstat -u kiverson:less *:tail *:more *:cd *:[bf]g:exit:pwd:clear"
#only store unique commands in history
export HISTCONTROL=erasedups
#make it big!
export HISTSIZE=50000

#fancy history
source $HOME/hcmnts
export hcmntextra='date "+%Y%m%d %R"'
export PROMPT_COMMAND="hcmnt -etl ~/histlog"

#add qpeek
module add qpeek

#fancy git coloring
# color prompt to include branch information
function color_my_prompt {
    local __user_and_host="\[\033[01;32m\]\u@\h"
    local __cur_location="\[\033[01;34m\]\W"
    local __git_branch='`git branch 2> /dev/null | grep -e ^* | sed -E  s/^\\\\\*\ \(.+\)$/\(\\\\\1\)\ /`'
    local __prompt_tail="\[\033[35m\]$"
    local __last_color="\[\033[00m\]"

    RED="\[\033[0;31m\]"
    YELLOW="\[\033[0;33m\]"
    GREEN="\[\033[0;32m\]"

    # Capture the output of the "git status" command.
    git_status="$(git status 2> /dev/null)"

    # Set color based on clean/staged/dirty.
    if [[ ${git_status} =~ "working directory clean" ]]; then
        state="${GREEN}"
    elif [[ ${git_status} =~ "Changes to be committed" ]]; then
        state="${YELLOW}"
    else
        state="${RED}"
    fi

    export PS1="$__user_and_host $__cur_location ${state}$__git_branch$__prompt_tail$__last_color "
}
# Tell bash to execute this function just before displaying its prompt.
PROMPT_COMMAND=color_my_prompt

#motivate me using the power of britney spears...and cows
shuf -n 1 b_in_the_mix.txt | cowsay