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@kellective
Last active June 18, 2021 09:50
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Shit developers say

Overheard in my team (circa 2015)

In a fit of refactoring madness I have gone and changed a lot

Did you seriously just give ME nil?... No!

If the shit sticks, then we put nice paint on it

Fucking red dot motherfucker (Ben and his failing specs)

Fuck you Jasmine and your camelCase

I’ve been wrestling cucumbers all day

Oh no all the cucumbers are broken

You know what we don’t do often..kill each others builds. Kill them and reschedule for later. Mwahaha ha ha.

This build is going to be so rad...(5mins later)...Ok this is not going to pass..I can feel it in my waters!

Can i do that in a digital way or do i have to move my meaty body downstairs to find him?

All the donkeys have be out the gate by sundown

God, imagine if you could patent mathematical solutions

  • actually, I wouldn't be surprised if you can in the States "no, you can't use a laplace transform, you haven't got the rights, you have to use a less accurate transform on your matrices"

ooooo a boolean that's phrased in the negative, my favourite for code review destruction!

"Fuck the police i'll call the object here"

Web RTC - its super easy, all you have to do is..probably some hard stuff

I want to go to that conference so I can start arguments with dickheads about semicolons. Just for fun.

This this is not the same as that this.

Can’t come to work I can’t find any clothes. It’s best for everyone if I just don’t come in. ...2 hours later... Yeah my clothes were just in the other room and i couldn’t be fucked moving

(OH about bad bug reports) - you know when they are all like oh joogly joogly doesn’t doodle doodle and it should wobbly doodle you know? and im all like fuck i don’t know any of that shit you are talking about.

Him: "I don’t like it, it’s against REST convention its so 2006 that my eyes are bleeding. As a privileged white male i feel entitled to complain about this." Me: "you. were. eleven in 2006."

"Bad things are always happening" "Bad things happening was so last sprint..."

How much longer are we in incident-prison for?

Merge its ass to master

Don’t give me any shit or I’ll go postal

"That’s not necessarily shit… let’s ship it!"

"I haven’t got the attention span to read a long post-it note"

"There's a time to merge. And a time to die"

Been brushing up on my technical terms: "Everything is Fucked" - how was that?

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