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A Practical Guide To Evil playlist

A Practical Guide To Evil: A Playlist of Songs

I started thinking of this when I stumbled over a tumblr post by st-just a few years ago. There's still a few of those songs in here!

This is pretty comprehensive through Book Three. After that there's some scattered character and event themes, but nowhere near as much as before then.

We're going to do this in a few themed sections. This is character-theme songs. Later there'll be some per-book songs.

There are songs in here annotated as being part of APGTE Abridged, meaning they refer to the hypothetical parody abridged-series version. They're bad puns, generally.

No thought at all has been given to overall musical cohesion, of general sound or genre.

The Woe

Official motto: "lies and violence!"

Heaven Knows, by The Pretty Reckless - they're good kids, really. Okay, they're not. That was a lie.

Catherine Foundling

Cat gets the most in-depth song treatment of everyone, as you might imagine. We're hitting all her aspects!

Born for Greatness, by Papa Roach - her visions with Akua at Second Liesse suggest that she was heavily inclined to somehow be important, assuming Black didn't kill her. It's just who she is.

I am a man at war
And I am fighting for
All of the broken people, all of the people thrown overboard
They always tried to shame us
But they don't speak our language
No we're not nameless, we're not faceless
We were born for greatness

APGTE Abridged would feature We Didn't Start The Fire, by Billy Joel, naturally.

...the Squire

Fire, by The Crazy World of Arthur Brown - but now she has to actually confront the consequences of her choosing villainy. She's not totally cool with it, y'all.

Fire, to destroy all you've done.
Fire, to end all you've become.
I'll feel you burn!
You've been living like a little girl,
in the middle of your little world.
And your mind, your tiny mind,
you know you've really been so blind.

Learn: Handlebars by Flobots - a song that makes me think of someone who can be casually skilled with things, while careening towards potential destruction. It escalates through the song from riding a bike up to destroying the planet.

Me and my friends understand the future
I see the strings that control the systems
I can do anything with no resistance 'cause—

Struggle: I’m Gonna Win, by Rob Cantor

But I’m gonna win, I’m gonna try
I’ll never lose, I’ll never die
You’ve seen me before, you’ll see me again
I’ll never give up, I’ll never give in
Til I’m bloody and bruised
Til I’ve broken my bones
Til I won’t be abused
Til I’m laughing alone

Seek: Icarus, by Bastille - alas, the aspect she never really got. So this song is instead unsubtly hitting the "you tried to fly too high too soon, and were hurt for it" note.

Icarus is flying
Too close to the sun
And Icarus' life
It has only just begun
This is how it feels
To take a fa-a-all
Icarus is flying
Towards an early grave

...the Squire... again? WTF Catherine?

ATGTE Abridged: Tubthumping, by Chumbawamba - I have no shame.

Take: (And So It Went, by The Pretty Reckless)[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9W-nlfhh8Uo] - tricky to find a song for this which doesn't also fit Thief. The sound and feel of this hits Cat's personality, for me, that sense of being offended at the way of the world.

They said the world does not belong to you
You are not the king, I am not the fool
They said the world does not belong to you
It don't belong to you
It belongs to me

Break: (Freewill, by Rush)[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V7bbdIU95zM] - yeah, she breaks things, but more importantly she breaks stories. She got the aspect for breaking the story of her taking up the Penitent's Blade.

You can choose from phantom fears and kindness that can kill
I will choose a path that's clear, I will choose freewill

Fall: My Domain, by Tommee Profitt

This is my domain (domain)
You’re in my kingdom now
This is my domain (domain)
No one can it tear down
This is my domain (domain)
You’re stepping on my ground
It’s live or die my way
Inside the walls of my domain

...the Black Queen

She lacks aspects here, so this one is a bit quicker. Most of the relevant songs would be related to acts, further down.

Anyway, this section's heavy on "she's a monster of ice and viciousness":

Castle, by Halsey - she finally gives in and lets herself become queen, after trying fairly hard to fit within the Praesi system

I'm headed straight for the castle
They wanna make me their queen
And there's a old man sitting on the throne there saying that I probably shouldn't be so mean

Only Happy When It Rains, by Garbage - also she's a horrifying monster now, the last vestige of Winter

I'm only happy when it rains
I'm only happy when it's complicated
And though I know you can't appreciate it
I'm only happy when it rains

Hakram of the Howling Wolves, the Adjutant

Bae.

Colosseums, by The New Pornographers - he's the one who's thinking about the structure of things

Colosseums, colosseums of the mind
An ancient con, the shadow of a song
Exhibitions, international in size
I close my eyes, I can see the lion

I Believe, by Christina Perri - he's also the one who keeps Cat true to her original ideals. "We are more than war."

i believe in the lost possibilities you can't see
and i believe that the darkness reminds us where light can be

Masego

The Apprentice: Quiet, from Matilda - he's very intelligent, but not entirely in touch with other people

But what I'm trying to say, I'm not sure
But I wonder if inside my head
I'm not just a bit different from some of my friends
These answers come into my mind unbidden
These stories delivered to me fully written!

The Hierophant: Hallowed Be My Name, by HammerFall

Cause I'm searching high and low
Through dark places I must go
I am the one you should not blame
Hallowed be my Name - My Name

Indrani, the Archer

It's hedonism, okay? The theme is hedonism.

Die Young, by Ke$ha

I hear your heart beat to the beat of the drums
Oh, what a shame that you came here with someone
So while you're here in my arms
Let's make the most of the night, like we're gonna die young

Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This), covered by Emily Browning - her backstory chapter

Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
Travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody's looking for something
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused

Vivienne Dartwick, the Thief

Perhaps-tellingly, I didn't find myself drawn to any songs about stealing things for Vivienne. Not that it's an easy topic to find songs for.

Revolution Calling, by Queensrÿche - fighting against Prasei corruption in her own larcenous way, Vivienne was scared mostly-straight by Assassin, until the Lone Swordsman's call to revolt reached her.

I used to trust the media
To tell me the truth, tell us the truth
But now I've seen the payoffs
Everywhere I look
Who do you trust when everyone's a crook?

You're To Blame, by Mammoth WVH - ...and then she winds up with the Woe. Rather ambivalently, at first.

World still spins around without you
No one but yourself to blame
Fought so hard but nothing's gonna change
You're to blame

Akua Sahelian, the Sixth Ranger

The Heiress, plotting: Confident, by Demi Lovato - she knows what she wants, and she's going to do what she needs to get it

It's time for me to take it
I'm the boss right now
Not gonna fake it
Not when you go down
'Cause this is my game, and you better come to play

The Diabolist, in rebellion: Carolus Rex, by Sabaton - okay, "to the skies, see Carolus rise" might have been invovled

I know I was destined to rule alone
All for myself I have claimed the throne
Born to rule
My time is now

The shade being redeemed: What Makes A Good Man, by The Heavy - she's genuinely confused, okay?

To tell me now (tell me now)
And show me how (show me how)
To understand (understand)
What makes a good man?

The Calamities

The O.G. villains. I kinda wanted to do them all as classic metal songs, but couldn't stick to it. That said...

Cowboys from Hell, by Pantera - they've spent decades showing up places and winning

I say we're gonna take what's ours to have
Spread the word throughout the land
They say the bad guys wear black
We're tagged and can't turn back
You see us coming and you all together run for cover
We're taking over this town

Call To Arms, by Manowar - their big innovation was being villains who actually liked each other and were bound by friendship and personal loyalty.

Fight for the kingdom, bound for glory
Armed with a heart of steel
I swear by the brothers
Who stand before me
To no man shall I kneel
Their blood is upon my steel
Blood is upon my steel

...yeah, the "to no man shall I kneel" line was a factor here, not gonna lie. (Also, this one's not on the Spotify playlist, because Spotify doesn't have it.)

Amadeus of the Green Stretch

Black Knight: First We Take Manhattan, by Leonard Cohen - Amadeus has played the long and careful game, over decades, trying to secure a lasting change in the world.

Ah you loved me as a loser, but now you're worried that I just might win
You know the way to stop me, but you don't have the discipline
How many nights I prayed for this, to let my work begin
First we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin

Squire: Cold Blood, by Dave Not Dave - of course, he started as an underestimated Squire, who taught the Dread Empire and Callow both to fear him, no act being too much if it's what he found necessary for his goals

They call me useless, careless, nobody ought to miss
With the thing they don’t understand
They call me hopeless, heartless, there’s no way out of this
When it’s so far outta your hand
I confess there’s a hole in my chest
From the things that I did
And the gun in my hand
I won’t rest till it’s all done and said
And I get what I give

Wekesa, the Warlock

Stand in Veneration, by Falconer - he's a monster, but he does good work with massive destruction via understanding things your puny mind cannot

Fall to the ground after climbing so high
Fall to your knees and yield for the sky
As the primordial powers unveil
From beyond time, nature prevails
You can only stand in veneration

Hye Su, the Ranger

Godhunter, by Aviators - "I am the Ranger. I hunt those worth hunting. Rejoice, for you qualify."

When you're sinful to the bone
Unholy
And you've claimed yourself a throne
Like me
Wield power of your own
Making
Godhunter's gonna hunt you down

APGTE Abridged: You Can’t Stop This Motherfucker, from Deadpool 2

Sabah

The Captain: Heavy Soul, by David Shaw - she's here to support her friends, and doesn't really care about it beyond that

Line ‘em up
Watch ‘em fall
When you love
You give it all
Don’t worry about a goddamn thing
There ain’t no limit
To the hell we bring

The Cursed: Monster, by Skillet - of course, she used to have some trouble with a teensy case of being a giant monster. She's got it in hand these days.

The secret side of me I never let you see
I keep it caged but I can't control it
So stay away from me, the beast is ugly
I feel the rage and I just can't hold it

Assassin

...the Assassin.

This still applies after recent revelations.

Kill On Command, by Vio-lence - A bit of a one-note character, yes.

Yes my job I love to do
And I'm doing it for you
Killing for money it ain't a shame

Eudokia, the Scribe

Forgettable, always present, the bureaucracy that surrounds everything.

Pharaoh, by The House Band (covering Richard Thompson) - she's the system. I like this particular version, but it's completely unavailable on streaming services, so it's not in those playlists.

Duvet, by bôa - she knows

A shame you seemed an honest man
And all the fears you hold so dear
Will turn to whisper in your ear

APGTE Abridged: Don't You (Forget About Me), by Simple Minds

Other Characters

The Gods

Both of these are more the message they espouse, rather than something about their mostly-unknowable nature.

Above: All As One, by Miracle of Sound

Stand side by side
Carry all as one
We can bear this weight
Stand side by side
We won’t come undone
For the hands that will carry us home are
Touched by fate

Below: Lucifer, by Leslie Fish

So come here and learn to become as the gods are
For I've got a wonderful secret to tell
A creature's reach should exceed its grasp
What else is heaven or hell?

Kairos Theodosian, Tyrant of Helike

He's a delight. A man of staunch principle, and selfless commitment to an ideal.

I Can’t Decide, by Scissor Sisters - I absolutely cannot decide on just one song for him

I can't decide
Whether you should live or die
Oh, you'll probably go to heaven
Please don't hang your head and cry

Career of Evil, by Blue Oyster Cult - gleeful commitment to the aesthetic

I’m making a career of evil!
Pay me, I’ll be your surgeon
I’d like to pick your brain
Capture you, inject you
Leave you kneeling in the rain, kneeling in the rain
I choose to steal what you choose to show
And you know I will not apologize
You’re mine for the taking

Anaxares

Poor Anaxares. He's so very done with what's happening to him. Also, eventually, quite mad.

The Chemical Worker’s Song, by Great Big Sea - a diplomat of Bellerophon; long-suffering, short life expectancy

And it's go, boys, go
They'll time your every breath
And every day you're in this place
You're two days nearer death

No More Heroes, by Slash - his people betraying their ideals

When your heroes, turn to the enemy
And there's nothing left to hold
When your heroes, give only apologies
I won't deny it leaves me cold

Hierarch of the Free Cities: Other Worlds than These, by STARSET - "I know you, old thing. You are the sound of the lash, the deal in the dark. You are the servant of stillness."

There are monsters in the sky
There are demons in the sea
I have seen them with my eyes
I've seen what you won't see
Pull the wool out from your eyes
It won't shade your frail belief
In the end we cannot hide
There are other worlds than these

Cordelia Hasenbach, First Prince of Procer

She's political. So very, very political.

All The Right Moves, by OneRepublic - she always knows what she shoud be doing, who she should be talking to

All the right friends in all the right places
So yeah, we're going down
They've got
All the right moves and all the right faces
So yeah, we're going down

The Wandering Bard, The Intercessor

The great manipulator, of people and stories.

Chained To The Rhythm by Katy Perry - only existing when she's pursuing her Role, bound to some ancient bargain...

William of Greenbury, The Lone Swordsman

Poor misguided William. Pushed around by Contrition, Catherine, and the Bard.

Savages, by Marina and the Diamonds - he doesn't have a very good opinion of people, himself in particular

Underneath it all, we're just savages
Hidden behind shirts, ties, and marriages
How could we expect anything at all?
We're just animals still learning how to crawl

Tariq Isbili, The Grey Pilgrim

Merciful isn't nice.

The Plagues, by Caleb Hyles & Jonathan Young (Prince of Egypt cover) - let's face it, he'll do what it takes. The chorus, obviously, is the angels.

This was my home
All this pain and devastation
How it tortures me inside
All the innocent who suffer
From your stubbornness and pride...

Laurence de Montfort, The Saint of Swords

She's a sword, y'all.

Joan, by Heather Dale - gets progressively more unhinged-fanatic as it goes on

I fight where God tells me, I never ask why
I've bloodied the Devil, with steel from on high
I kill without consequence, heed no Man's law
I sift out the righteous like grain from the straw
I am Judgment, and Heaven is nigh

Hanno of Arwad, The White Knight

He doesn't judge. He has people for that.

Human, by Rag ’n’ Bone Man

Some people got the real problems
Some people out of luck
Some people think I can solve them
Lord heavens above
I'm only human after all
I'm only human after all
Don't put the blame on me
Don't put the blame on me

Agnes Hasenbach, The Augur

Strange Little Girl, by Tori Amos

One day you see a strange little girl look at you
I'm done thanking you, I'm done thanking you
One day you see a strange little girl feeling blue
I'm done thanking you, I'm done thanking you
Walking home in her wrapped up world
She survived, but she's feeling old
'Cause she found all things cold

Robber

The pinnacle of goblin manhood.

Dynsfunctional, by Tech N9ne Collabos

But he don't know I'm roguish
Surrounded by my soldiers
And they be locked and loaded
Will explode if you can't hold us
And we don't got no scruples
We didn't come to fight and shoot you
But you busters better be mutual

Bellerophon

Do You Hear the People Sing, from Les Miserables

Do you hear the people sing?
Singing the songs of angry men?
It is the music of the people
Who will not be slaves again!

The Lycaonese

Resist and Bite, by Sabaton

We! We will resist and bite!
Bite hard, cause we are all in sight
We! We take up arms and fight!
Fight hard, resist and do what’s right!

No matter our fighting
Their numbers will still count
We’re outgunned and few in numbers
We’re doomed to flag or fail

The Dead King

For Whom the Bell Tolls, by Metallica

For a hill, men would kill, why? They do not know
Stiffened wounds test their pride
Men of five still alive through the raging glow
Gone insane from the pain that they surely know

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