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Created May 20, 2009
What would you like to do?
HELLO my name is __________________. I am looking for new members to fill out my team.
I'm designing a revolutionary new
[ ] FPS
[ ] RPG
that will change the world forever!
[ ] It's first-person!
[ ] It will have technology *and* magic!
[ ] It will have an amazing story, as soon as I come up with one!
[ ] When you kill other players, their body will explode in novel new ways, which I call a "Frag"!
[ ] It will have revolutionary graphics and sound, a claim I make with no basis in fact or reality!
[ ] I know what all the other game developers are doing wrong! Oh, how I pity/loathe them.
[ ] It will feature fun *non-violent* gameplay! That's what really sells!
My game
[ ] is already 60% completed! We have the art done!
[ ] is already 90% completed! We have the art and music done!
[ ] needs to be ready for E3 next year.
Of course, before we ship we'll need to make a "tech demo". But we've already got some "concept art" on the website.
Members needed:
[ ] I will of course need a large crew of PROFESSIONAL TOP-CALIBER programmers.
[ ] I guess I need a programmer, even though they personally sicken me, and "mere implementation" is the easiest thing in the world.
[ ] I don't need any programmers, I have a book that will teach me C++ in 21 days.
[ ] I will of course need a phalanx of PROFESSIONAL TOP-CALIBER artists.
[ ] I guess I need an artist, even if I won't like anything they produce.
[ ] I don't need any artists, my friends and I broke out the crayons last week and we're half done already.
[ ] I guess maybe I'll need modellers, musicians, sound designers, scripters, level designers, and other stuff too, I dunno.
Of course, I'm the game designer and producer,
[ ] and since ideas are the *hardest part* of games, I'm the most important member. You are lucky to have me and my genius.
[ ] even though I've never shipped a game before.
[ ] even though I'm only twelve years old.
[ ] because *I* have a *college degree*!
[ ] but the team will be totally democratic, an idea that obviously has never been tried before.
[ ] and as such you shall all robotically carry out my capricious whims.
If you're interested in joining my team,
[ ] first you need to sign an NDA so you don't reveal my brilliant idea to all.
[ ] first you need to sign a non-compete.
[ ] hurry up! Positions are going fast, and I'm not going to spend forever on this!
[ ] you must be willing to locate to __________________, which by some strange coincidence is where I live.
Everyone on the team will surely make millions of dollars from working on this game.
Of course, I can't afford to pay anyone until we get a publisher,
[ ] but that shouldn't stop me from getting top-quality talent, now should it!
[ ] so if you're some sort of panty-waisted coward with unrealistic ideas about "salary" and "job security",
forget it, I don't need your type! I only want daring people willing to take a little risk!
[ ] but then my venture is so brilliant that we won't have any trouble getting a publisher right away.
Please email me at _______________________ with your resume and why you think you're good enough to join my team. Or if you're a publisher looking to publish a BRILLIANT new game and want to send us money.
p.s. If you dare to mock me, my ideas, or this posting in any way,
[ ] what is wrong with you? Why are you so negative?
[ ] I will make personal attacks on your character.
[ ] I will swear violently at you, which actually will be pretty entertaining.
[ ] I will start misspelling more and more words, and/or leaving out vital punctuation.
[ ] I will start randomly CAPITALIZING some WORDS in my REPLIES.
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