From Reddit
SPOILERS FOR THE ENTIRE BOOK {The Morning Wood Tree by Siggy Shade} BELOW.
My Kindle skipped right past the trigger warnings for this book - had I read them, I wouldn't have started this 240 page odyssey on a sunny early evening in June. I should be sitting on my balcony with my cats, staring wistfully at a potentially deadly volcano that may one day erupt and kill millions of people while rose and chilling, but instead, I am cooped up in the office sans cats and rose (the potentially murderous volcano always looms on the horizon) trying to wrap my head around what may be the most bizarre love story I have ever encountered. Because do not get me wrong. This is a love story. There is a HEA. Also, 5 people will die during this book and nothing of value will be lost.
Is my new book boyfriend a three thousand year old serial-killing tree? Yes. Yes it is.
TW: look, if it is possibly triggering it is IN THIS BOOK. Trees are apparently very kinky and very knotty. (Tree Pun Count [TPC]: 1)
Dramatis Aboris:
Milly: our FMC. She is getting married today!! The tree did not put a ring on it. (TPC: 2).
Erik: Milly's soon to be husband. Dick. Tree-chery is afoot. (TPC:3)
Clara: Erik's grandmother. She is going to have to branch out. (TPC:4)
Mikael: Erik's grandfather. Being a Dick is Heredi-tree. (TPC: 5)
Olivia: Erik's mother: I can't make a clever pun for letting your adult son breast feed from your tits on his wedding day. It is just gross.
William: Erik's father. Willing to go to Ex-tree-m measures. (TPC:6)
Ash: our TMC (tree main character): literal tree. HAS FEELINGS. TREES NEED LOVE TOO, OKAY?
The Plot:
Milly and Erik are about to get married. Milly, an orphan brit who used to work in a bakery is on Erik's family estate in the Swedish coun-tree-side (TPC: 7) where she is swathed in a designer wedding dress and lots of jewels. Milly is also riding the crimson wave, which will be important later. Erik's grandfather is escorting Milly to the ceremony (since she is an orphan) when they stumble upon Erik breastfeeding from his mother. It turns out that Erik's family has an in-tree-guing (TPC:8) family tree-dition (TPC:9) where the male members of the family need to get some life-extending herbs from the breastmilk of their mother. Erik specifically proposed to Milly so that she could become his grandfather's personal hucow following the death of Erik's great-grandmother. Until, I guess, she gives birth to a new baby boy and then becomes his personal feeder. "Erik told me his family was close, but I thought he was talking about warm hugs."
Milly, who doesn't like the idea of this, tries to make like a tree, and leave (TPC:9) but Erik's family has guns and forces her to marry Erik. "I am going to enjoy sucking your teats," says gross grandfather, "Erik tells me they're even longer and thicker than his mother's." Gross grandpa then assures Milly that she should feel lucky "'when my grandmother was getting married, she also tried to run, but my great-grandfather threatened to throw her into the carnivorous ash tree.' 'how does that make me lucky?" [Milly] ask[s] through gritted teeth. 'It is a slow and excruciating death.' he replies."
Milly and Erik are married and after signing the wedding certificate Milly escapes to the forest. Erik doesn't follow her, but tells her it's a bad idea because there are bears and wolves in the forest and she will probably get eaten.
Turns out that there are wolves in the forest, but there is also a three-thousand year old carnivorous tree. It wants to drink all of Milly's blood so that it can go back to sleeping for another 100 years. Milly is not into dying, so instead she's like, hey, tree, how about instead you drink my period blood - it's yummy too. The tree isn't sure, but decid-uou-es (TPC:10) to give it a try. As the tree tries to remove her diva cup, it realizes that Milly produces something even more delicious than blood. Her pussy "sap."
Bough-Chicka-Wow-Wow: (TPC:11)
What results is an exhausting amount of human/tree sexytimes. I mean A LOT of tree sex. There is bondage, stretching, knotting, (THIS ISN'T EVEN A PUN) figging, (ALSO NOT A PUN) anal, double penetration, water sports, enemas, nasophilia, (which I didn't even know was a WORD until this book) orgasm denial, spanking. This tree is hella horny. Frankly, I was in disbeleaf (TPC:12) about how horny this tree was. The tree is so into fucking Milly it creates a simulacrum of itself to fuck her better. This simulacrum is called Ash. I can not stress how much sex this tree and Milly engage in. It is A LOT. it is varied. It is an exhausting amount of sex.
Oh. The tree also killed Olivia and William in between rounds of fucking. No rest for the wear-tree. (TPC:13)
Post-Coital:
During their time inside of the tree Ash tells Milly that it is actually the tree of life (Show-off) and that it was also known as Yggdrasil, and connected the nine-worlds. But he is no longer Yggdrasil, because of Ragnarok. (I too will never be the same after seeing all of those muscles on Chris Hemsworth). "Ragnarok may have been the end of the gods, but it destroyed me too . . . I lay in splinters for centuries, with just a few seeds buried deep within the earth."
Milly admits that all she really wants is a place and people to belong to, and someone who will listen. Ash listens and makes her feel like more than just some poor orphan bakery girl. Ash also feels a connection, and wants to keep Milly forever. "taking your blood is a new beginning," he says, "you make me feel so alive . . . I have never felt this kind of joy . . . I don't ever want to let you go." (I'm not crying - you're crying!)
Unfortunate-tree (TPC: 14) Ash must let Milly go, "because you're human . . . you cannot live on love and sunlight. You need people, you need experiences, you need purpose. I can't give you anything but this cage." So he releases Milly to the forest, where she finally finds a road and is rescued! and then immediately knocked out.
Back on the Farm:
Milly was "rescued" by one of Erik's family's servants and has been returned to the, for lack of a better word, milking barn. Where she has been unconscious for a week. She has been fed the weird herbs and is about ready to feed gross grandpa. But Milly convinces gross-grandpa that she wants to give him a BJ during the milking and they should go someplace picturesque. Milly leads gross-grandpa and one of their servants to the grove where Ash resides. Grandma Clara shows up, accusing Milly of trying to steal away gross-grandpa. Shots are fired. The tree murders three more people. Ash's bark is not worse than his bite. (TPC: 15)
In the aftermath of a triple homicide it turns out that Ash has figured out a way to become both tree and human and wants to spend the rest of Milly's life with her. "I have a heart that bleeds and beats only for you. My love for you knows no bounds."
To prove it, Ash splits his dick into not one, not two, but three separate dicks and triple-stuffs Milly's holes. Nothing says true love like double vaginal! "Ash changed himself from a carnivorous tree that wanted to drain my blood and grind my corpse into plant food. He sacrificed his immortality to become a man so we could be together for the rest of our lives. Nothing could touch my heart so deeply."
Little Saplings:
Milly and Ash return to Erik's family estate and confront Erik, the only surviving member of the family, in the shower. Ash pierces Erik's balls and implants some embryo he got from Milly or something. Look, this book is almost over, I am not really paying attention to the finer details of MPREG, but apparently human/tree hybrids gestate for like a whole year and during that time control their host like Grogu controlling IG-12. After a year they climb out of Erik like the aliens in Alien, because SURPRISE, it is twins. Magni, a boy and Loki, a girl. (Missed chance to name her Sophie, IMO.) They give Erik enough nutrients to sign papers relinquishing control of his company and money to the babies and then kill him too.
Shiver me timbers. (TPC: 16)