Cards Against Humanity (white)

gistfile1.txt

Coat hanger abortions
Man meat
Autocannibalism
Vigorous jazz hands
Flightless birds
Pictures of boobs
Doing the right thing
Hunting accidents
A cartoon camel enjoying the smooth, refreshing taste of a cigarette
The violation of our most basic human rights
Viagra (r)
Self-loathing
Spectacular abs
An honest cop with nothing left to lose
Abstinence
A balanced breakfast
Mountain Dew Code Red
Concealing a boner
Roofies
Glenn Beck convulsively vomiting as a brood of crab spiders hatches in his brain and erupts from his tear ducts
Tweeting
The Big Bang
Amputees
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
Former President George W. Bush
Being marginalized
Smegma
Laying an egg
Cuddling
Aaron Burr
The Pope
A bleached asshole
Horse meat
Genital piercings
Fingering
Elderly Japanese men
Stranger danger
Fear itself
Science
Praying the gay away
Same-sex ice dancing
The terrorists
Making sex at here
German dungeon porn
Bingeing and purging
Ethnic cleansing
Cheating in the Special Olympics
Nickelback
Heteronormativity
William Shatner
Making a pouty face
Chainsaws for hands
The placenta
The profoundly handicapped
Tom Cruise
Object permanence
Goblins
An icepick lobotomy
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Hormone injections
A falcon with a cap on its head
Foreskin
Dying
Stunt doubles
The invisible hand
Jew-fros
A really cool hat
Flash flooding
Flavored condoms
Dying of dysyntery
Sexy pillow fights
The Three-Fifths compromise
A sad handjob
Men
Historically black colleges
Sean Penn
Heartwarming orphans
Waterboarding
The clitoris
Vikings
Friends who eat all the snacks
The Underground Railroad
Pretending to care
Raptor attacks
A micropenis
A Gypsy curse
Agriculture
Bling
A clandestine butt scratch
The South
Sniffing glue
Consultants
My humps
Geese
Being a dick to children
Party poopers
Sunshine and rainbows
YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS
Mutually-assured destruction
Heath Ledger
Sexting
An Oedipus complex
Eating all of the cookies before the AIDS bake-sale
A sausage festival
Michael Jackson
Skeletor
Chivalry
Sharing needles
Being rich
Muzzy
Count Chocula
Spontaneous human combustion
College
Necrophilia
The Chinese gymnastics team
Global warming
Farting and walking away
Emotions
Uppercuts
Cookie Monster devouring the Eucharist wafers
Stifling a iggle at the mention of Hutus and Tutsis
Penis envy
Letting yourself go
White people
Dick Cheney
Leaving an awkward voicemail
Yeast
Natural selection
Masturbation
Twinkies (r)
A LAN Party
Opposable thumbs
A grande sugar-free iced soy caramel macchiato
Soiling oneself
A sassy black woman
Sperm whales
Teaching a robot to love
Scrubbing under the folds
A drive-by shooting
Whipping it out
Panda sex
Catapults
Will Smith
Toni Morrison's vagina
Five-Dollar Foot-longs (tm)
Land minds
A sea of troubles
A zesty breakfast burrito
Christopher Walken
Friction
Balls
AIDS
The KKK
Figgy pudding
Seppuku
Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch
Gandhi
Dave Matthews Band
Preteens
The token minority
Friends with benefits
Re-gifting
Pixelated bukkake
Substitute teachers
Take-backsies
A thermonuclear detonation
The Tempur-Pedic (r) Swedish Sleep System (tm)
Waiting 'til marriage
A tiny horse
A can of whoop-ass
Dental dams
Feeding Rosie O'Donnell
Old-people smell
Genghis Khan
Authentic Mexican cuisine
Oversized lollipops
Garth Brooks
Keanu Reeves
Drinking alone
The American Dream
Taking off your shirt
Giving 110%
Flesh-eating bacteria
Child abuse
A cooler full of organs
A moment of silence
The Rapture
Keeping Christ in Christmas
RoboCop
That one gay Teletubby
Sweet, sweet vengeance
Fancy Feast (r)
Pooping back and forth. Forever.
Being a motherfucking sorcerer
Jewish fraternities
Edible underpants
Poor people
All-you-can-eat shrimp for $4.99
Britney Spears at 55
That thing that electrocutes your abs
The folly of man
Fiery poops
Cards Against Humanity
A murder most foul
Me time
The inevitable heat death of the universe
Nocturnal emissions
Daddy issues
The hardworking Mexican
Natalie Portman
Waking up half-naked in a Denny's parking lot
Nipple blades
Assless chaps
Full frontal nudity
Hulk Hogan
Passive-aggression
Ronald Reagan
Vehicular manslaughter
Menstruation
Pulling out
Picking up girls at the abortion clinc
The homosexual agenda
The Holy Bible
World peace
Dropping a chandelier on your enemies and riding the rope up
Testicular torsion
The milk man
A time-travel paradox
Hot Pockets (r)
Guys who don't call
Eating the last known bison
Darth Vader
Scalping
Homeless people
The World of Warcraft
Gloryholes
Saxophone solos
Sean Connery
God
Intelligent design
The taint; the grundle; the fleshy fun-bridge
Friendly fire
Keg stands
Eugenics
A good sniff
Lockjaw
A neglected Tamagotchi (tm)
The People's Elbow
Robert Downey, Jr.
The heart of a child
Seduction
Smallpox blankets
Licking things to claim them as your own
A salty surprise
Poorly-timed Holocaust jokes
My soul
My sex life
Pterodactyl eggs
Altar boys
Forgetting the Alamo
72 virgins
Raping and pillaging
Pedophiles
Eastern European Turbo-folk music
A snapping turtle biting the tip of your penis
Pabst Blue Ribbon
Domino's (tm) Oreo (tm) Dessert Pizza
My collection of high-tech sex toys
A middle-aged man on roller skates
The Blood of Christ
Half-assed foreplay
Free samples
Douchebags on their iPhones
Hurricane Katrina
Wearing underwear inside-out to avoid doing laundry
Republicans
The glass ceiling
A foul mouth
Jerking off into a pool of children's tears
Getting really high
The deformed
Michelle Obama's arms
Explosions
The Übermensch
Donald Trump
Sarah Palin
Attitude
This answer is postmodern
Crumpets with the Queen
Frolicking
Team-building exercises
Repression
Road head
A bag of magic beans
An asymmetric boob job
Dead parents
Public ridicule
A mating display
A mime having a stroke
Stephen Hawking talking dirty
African children
Mouth herpes
Overcompensation
Bill Nye the Science Guy
Bitches
Italians
Have some more kugel
A windmill full of corpses
Her Royal Highness, Queen Elizabeth II
Crippling debt
Adderall (tm)
A stray pube
Shorties and blunts
Passing a kidney stone
Prancing
Leprosy
A brain tumor
Bees?
Puppies!
Cockfights
Kim Jong-Il
Hope
8 oz. of sweet Mexican black-tar heroin
Incest
Grave robbing
Asians who aren't good at math
Alcoholism
(I am doing Kegels right now.)
Justin Bieber
The Jews
Bestiality
Winking at old people
Drum circles
Kids with ass cancer
Loose lips
Auschwitz
Civilian casualties
Inappropriate yodeling
Tangled Slinkys
Being on fire
The Thong Song
A vajazzled vagina
Riding off into the sunset
Exchanging pleasantries
My relationship status
Shaquille O'Neals's acting career
Being fabulous
Lactation
Not reciprocating oral sex
Sobbing into a Hungry-Man (r) Frozen Dinner
My genitals
Date rape
Ring Pops (tm)
GoGurt
Judge Judy
Lumberjack fantasies
The gays
Scientology
Estrogen
Police brutality
Passable transvestites
The Virginia Tech Massacre
Tiger Woods
Dick fingers
Racism
Glenn Beck being harried by a swarm of buzzards
Surprise sex!
Classist undertones
Booby-trapping the house to foil burglars
New Age music
PCP
A lifetime of sadness
Doin' it in the butt
Swooping
The Hamburglar
Tentacle porn
A hot mess
Too much hair gel
A look-see
Not giving a shit about the Third World
American Gladiators
The Kool-Aid man
Mr Snuffleupagus
Barack Obama
Golden showers
Wiping her butt
Queefing
Getting drunk on mouthwash
An M. Night Shyamalan plot twist
A robust mongoloid
Nazis
White privilege
An erection that lasts longer than four hours
A disappointing birthday party
Puberty
Two midgets shitting in a bucket
Wifely duties
The forbidden fruit
Getting so angry that you pop a boner
Sexual tension
Third base
A gassy antelope
Those times when you get sand in your vagina
A Super Soaker (tm) full of cat pee
Muhammad (Praise Be Unto Him)
Racially-biased SAT questions
Porn stars
A fetus
Obesity
When you fart and a little bit comes out
Oompa-Loompas
BATMAN!!!
Black people
Tasteful sideboob
Hot people
Grandma
Copping a feel
The Trail of Tears
Famine
Finger painting
The miracle of childbirth
Goats eating cans
A monkey smoking a cigar
Faith healing
Parting the Red Sea
Dead babies
The Amish
Impotence
Child beauty pageants
Centaurs
AXE Body Spray
Kanye West
Women's suffrage
Children on leashes
Harry Potter erotica
The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy
Lance Armstrong's missing testicle
Dwarf tossing
Mathletes
Lunchables (tm)
Women in yogurt commercials
John Wilkes Booth
Powerful thighs
Mr. Clean, right behind you
Multiple stab wounds
Cybernetic enhancements
Serfdom
Another god-damn vampire movie
Glenn Beck catching his scrotum on a curtain hook
A big hoopla about nothing
Peeing a little bit
The Hustle
Ghosts
Bananas in Pajamas
Active listening
Dry heaving
Kamikaze pilots
The Force
Anal beads
The Make-A-Wish (r) Foundation