Empathy is what encouraged me to become a chaplain (minister) in the US Air Force, and once I honorably discharged, I helped start a non-profit for people recovering from life traumas. By listening to the people I served, I was able to find ways to help them-- maybe the Muslim soldier needed his special religious diet instead of pepto-bismal, maybe the PTSD client at the non-profit needed us to have a routine schedule at the start of the day for him to have predictibility and structure. I can only come up with solutions for how I want to see things when I don't listen. The people I served were able to have more autonomy in their growth path, and they were more successful in their progress. It built trust between us, and it made them feel safe and valued.
I have a way of doing and interacting with technology, but that doesn't mean everyone else shares those same methods. This is especially important when designing software for people with special needs, whether it's a kid interacting with their diabetic medication app, a color blind person on a shopping app, etc. If I can't put myself in their shoes, not only will I miss their target goals for the product, but I could also be missing other issues that I wouldn't see otherwise. This cognitive empathy is helpful to see things exactly from their perspective. As long as it's genuine (not Machiavellian) I can do a lot of good for a lot of people.
Personalities are tough. Everyone has one, and everyone has an opinion. The empathy aspect allows us to witness the humanness behind the tough personality, and step into their shoes. It also allows us to word our feedback tactfully, if boundaries are crossed. Empathy in the workplace is a game of strategy-- too much empathy and I feel unvalued, too little and walls are built. This hinders workplace cohesion and productivity. Sitting down, considering the other person's views, seeing what can be compromised on both teams-- it boosts safety, trust, and efficiency. Warring with ourselves robs us of creative energy towards the goal.
A girl I managed at work values public praise. I value private praise in the form of payraise or a promotion. She doesn't care for power or aims to live a rich lifestyle, whereas financial security and leadership is something I care deeply about. I don't care for people praising me at work or in public, so I rarely do it for others. One day, she was upset that I didn't value her, which could not have been further from the truth. Her main point was that I never praised her to our boss or to the other colleagues. I was taken aback by this, but I thought about how my boss publicly praises me regularly and my irritation was that I'd rather her promote me or raise my pay than praise me. So I told my colleague that while I couldn't understand her exact reasons, I could understand the logic behind it, and I made an intention to praise her regularly in front of others. Our relationship blossomed and we are now good friends. Her productivity increased, the workplace environment was made more relaxed, and to the public, we appear as a cohesive team, which is the truth. This is an example of emotional empathy.
When do you find it most difficult to be empathetic in professional settings? How can you improve your skills when faced with these scenarios?
I find it hard to be empathetic when someone I am helping is being resistant to doing any work on their part. For example, when I worked in homelessness, we had people in crisis come to me everyday. I would sit, listen, ask questions, and together we would make a game- plan. I would call my referral resource network and advocate for them. More often than not, the clients would return to say the help didn't help. When questioned, it came down to that they didn't want to get sober, or fill out the required paperwork, or meet weekly with a case manager, all necessary to get taxpayer-funded housing. It was difficult not to get resentful. So, I focus my skills on showing up, asking questions, seeing what areas they need help, and continuing to show up even when people don't want to do the work themselves. The key point here, is humility and letting go. Every so often, a person is willing to do what's asked of them. Showing up and asking questions and listening is helpful, and the clients came back a few times before they started taking steps just because our organization was rare in our listening skills, and that fostered trust. Humility, and letting go.