I am so sorry.

doge

#!/bin/sh
#
# such file inspector, much doge
#

self() {
    cat <<EOF

  Wow
                            Such self
                       
            Much recursion

           ▄              ▄
          ▌▒█           ▄▀▒▌
          ▌▒▒█        ▄▀▒▒▒▐
         ▐▄▀▒▒▀▀▀▀▄▄▄▀▒▒▒▒▒▐
       ▄▄▀▒░▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒█▒▒▄█▒▐
     ▄▀▒▒▒░░░▒▒▒░░░▒▒▒▀██▀▒▌
    ▐▒▒▒▄▄▒▒▒▒░░░▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▀▄▒▒▌
    ▌░░▌█▀▒▒▒▒▒▄▀█▄▒▒▒▒▒▒▒█▒▐    Very doge
   ▐░░░▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▌██▀▒▒░░░▒▒▒▀▄▌
   ▌░▒▄██▄▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒░░░░░░▒▒▒▒▌
  ▌▒▀▐▄█▄█▌▄░▀▒▒░░░░░░░░░░▒▒▒▐
  ▐▒▒▐▀▐▀▒░▄▄▒▄▒▒▒▒▒▒░▒░▒░▒▒▒▒▌
  ▐▒▒▒▀▀▄▄▒▒▒▄▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒░▒░▒░▒▒▐
   ▌▒▒▒▒▒▒▀▀▀▒▒▒▒▒▒░▒░▒░▒░▒▒▒▌
   ▐▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒░▒░▒░▒▒▄▒▒▐
    ▀▄▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒░▒░▒░▒▄▒▒▒▒▌
      ▀▄▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▄▄▄▀▒▒▒▒▄▀
        ▀▄▄▄▄▄▄▀▀▀▒▒▒▒▒▄▄▀
           ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▀▀
EOF
}

if test -f "$1"; then  # True if file exists and is a regular file.
    if ! test -r "$1"; then  # True if file exists and is readable.
        echo "such file, no read"
    elif test -s "$1"; then  # True if file exists and has a size greater than zero.
        if test -x "$1"; then  #  True if file exists and is executable.
            if [ "$(realpath "$0")" = "$(realpath "$1")" ]; then
                self
            else
                echo "much file, very execute"
            fi
        elif test -w "$1"; then  # True if file exists and is writable.
            echo "much file, many writes"
        else
            echo "much file"
        fi
    else
        echo "such file, very empty"
    fi
elif test -L "$1"; then  # True if file exists and is a symbolic link.
    echo "very symlink, much wow"
elif test -d "$1"; then  # True if file exists and is a directory.
    echo "such directory"
elif test -S "$1"; then  # True if file exists and is a socket.
    echo "Such socket, many wow"
elif test -e "$1"; then  # True if file exists (regardless of type).
    echo "Such file, very mystery"
else
    echo "very nope"
    exit 1
fi