Inspired by the books:
- The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life and
- The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F**k.
- Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less
I recognise that some of these may come across harsh - my intentions are good - it is all about boundaries. "Good Fences Make Good Neighbors" - Anon
I don’t argue with people who are angry or passive aggressive. I limit the amount that I even deal with people who are chronically angry or passive aggressive, selfish, self-righteous, etc. I just stop, walk away, avoid them, etc.
“Leonardo da Vinci said, “It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end,” which is sound social psychology. The more time and effort that people put into anything—no matter how useless, dysfunctional, or downright stupid it might be—the harder it is for them to walk away, be it a bad investment, a destructive relationship, an exploitive job, or a workplace filled with browbeaters, bullies, and bastards.” ― Robert I. Sutton, The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn't
Brandonlini's Law: The Bullshit Asymmetry Principle: The amount of energy needed to refute bullshit is an order of magnitude bigger than to produce it.
"It is time we call it a day. You have enlisted my expertise and you have rejected it to go on the way you have been going...I am not intersted in that. You can understand. " - Don Draper, Mad Men, How to Handle: a Skeptical Client
I have a personal policy against drama. If we have a problem we fix it. see Karpman drama triangle. I will not participate in drama, I will call it out, I will help you move to the empowerment dynamic.
-
Creator
- What is the outcome you want?
- What learnings are you getting from this?
- What are you choosing to do?
-
Challenger
- I believe you can do better than this
- (Can you/need to) come back with a solution?
- (Can you/you have) take a different approach?
-
Coach
- What is it that you really want?
- What do you see as your options?
- What can you do to improve this situation?
See https://thesystemsthinker.com/the-ladder-of-inference/
- What (re) action do you have?
- What action do you now intent to take?
- What belief did you adopt / are you adopting?
- What other beliefs could have been adopted?
- What conclusions did you draw from this?
- What other conclusions might be possible?
- What do / did you assume this means?
- What else could it possibility mean?
- What data did you notice& select?
- Describe the situation briefly
DISC is the most effective behavioral profile instrument. Learn what your natural tendencies are. Be more effective by understanding how others are different from you. (They think they're normal, just like you do).
I am high-D, high-I "Organiser":
You are aggressive, persuasive, active, and independent: an action-oriented self-starter who drives for goals regardless of obstacles. Giving up or giving in is unthinkable. You are a mover who loves competition. You prod or persuade, compliment or needle, exhort or drive, depending on the situation. You tend to demand first and ask second, and your love of power primes you for top roles; pride provides the impetus to take risks and implement bold plans. In favorable environments, you are friendly; in antagonistic environments, you are rough.
You are forceful, confident, impatient, and firm. In your daily activities, you see the need to move positively for measurable results, pushing aside anything that stands in the way. You set a fast pace and expect associates or subordinates to keep up. You make decisions quickly and easily, but are willing to recognize that some restraints are reasonable and necessary.
The drive for quick results often makes you a poor delegator and a direct but too-brief communicator. You tend to be a half-hearted listener who is better at sending than receiving. In addition, you may spend too much time putting out fires and not enough time on long-range planning. In decision-making, you may be impulsive and tend to shoot from the hip.
Your supervisors need tolerance for criticism and must be willing and able to delegate. To you, respect for authority doesn’t mean blind obedience. You don’t particularly like projects that don’t challenge or extend you. Your successes should be acknowledged openly and often. You need to be involved and moving up, or you may move on.
I have a personal policy against gossip. See Manager Tools: Gossip Avoidance
I tend towards the Rescuer persona in the drama triangle, so I am apt to float your overdrafts. But if you are a chronic 'taker' then we are probably done. https://medium.com/swlh/10-ways-to-invest-in-an-emotional-bank-account-500c82a22c26
https://www.manager-tools.com/2017/12/basics-calendar-management-hof
Are mine. I like to find a off-campus place to start my day, focus, get shit done. After than, once i get to the office around 10-11 am its a free-for all.
C'mon - everyone should know this by now. Sorry, but no i 'don't have a few minutes for something..."
I have a personal policy against answering phone calls from numbers I don't recognize.
I have a personal policy against signing up for retail-store loyalty programs. Travel programs are the exception.
- Put In The Work: We need another shoulder to the wheel, lighten the load, do the work, be a shoulder to the wheel. Bring your A game everyday.
- Make the team better: Constantly improve yourself, get better, teach your teammates something.
- Bring more joy, less annoy: Don't be a jerk, an asshole, a drama king/queen, self-centered, whiny, etc. Just dont.
Fail to do these things? The team is probably better off without you.
I have a personal policy against meetings with more than 9 people.
I have a personal policy against accepting meeting invitations scheduled for time that I already have scheduled as 'Busy'. Expect a 'Decline'' with a proposed reschedule.
I have a personal policy against engaging a debate about the relative value the conflicting meetings when I decline per the previous policy.
I have a personal policy against meetings without a clear purpose and agenda. (aspirational)
I have a personal policy against large PowerPoint presentations. the 1 slide maximum per 10 minutes of a meeting.
I have a personal policy against doing things I hate than I am not good at. Sales contests, cold calling, for instance. A good team has different people with different strengths.
I have a personal policy against long emails. I don't read them. My next action is delete or archive, not 'page-down'.
A few helpful tips:
- Don't send an email at all. Pick up the phone, send me a message, book a short face to face meeting - my diary is current.
- Your Emails Are Too Long: Here Is How To Fix Them
- Put your point in the subject line
- Put your point in the first sentence or tl;dr, then follow with a long email for your high-I / high-C readers
Example of the perfect email:
Subject: "ACTION REQUIRED: Decision on x,y,z by COB Friday"
Hi George,
tl;dr Please give your decision on x,y,z by COB Friday.
<- George can stop reading here ->
Details x,y,z, blah, blah, blah, point, counter-point
...
...
...
end
Thanks,
Sender
- Use less than 30 words per sentence
- Due to the fact that -> because
- Totally lacked the ability to -> could not
- Replace adjectives with data
- We made performance much faster -> we reduced server side fg90 latency form 10ms to 1ms
- Eliminate weasel words
- Nearly all customers -> 87% of Prime members
- Signficantly better -> +25 basis points
- Does your writing pass the 'so what' test
- If you get a question, reply with one of four answers:
- Yes
- No
- A number
- I don't know (and will follow up when I do)
- Limit Email checking to 3 times per day – scheduled
- Permanent auto-responder to let people know (internal only)
- Batch process and triage (delete, reply, archive, process)
- Think before sending emails (I was the problem!)
- Avoid trying to have a conversation over email (3 volley max)
- Prefer messaging (Teams, IM, Slack, Skype)
- Remove email client/app from phone
Per my auto-reponder, folks know to message me in an emergency. I found that if I allow email on my phone, all I do is check email on my phone.
Inspiriation: Tim Ferris: Two Email Autoresponses That Actually Work
Mine: https://gist.github.com/gpeden/91406e335cebe8a6f5d765545a7b2c38
8 am, 12 pm, 4 pm
Manager Tools: Email Compendium
Manager Tools: The Basics Of Calendar Management
I follow the GTD method per https://thesecretweapon.org/
I don't reply to emails immediately. I let them rest a bit to prevent any knee-jerk reaction.
Per my diary/calendar policies if you would like to meet just book a free time. Don't end your email with "When is a good time?"
- Family First: Set worktime boundaries, leave on time
- Schedule email, my work time, my priorities, 1x1’s
- Make Calendar public / visible
- Funnel external meetings to least productive times
- Meeting request for open time == easier yes
- Decline most deliberate overbooks - but #dontbedumb
- Propose alternate if you are feeling less-D
- Your invite does not create and obligation
- Say ‘no’ to crappy meetings
Inspiration: Manager Tools: Basics Of Calendar Management
We have a personal policy against travelling to grandparents, in-laws, relatives, friends, etc. etc. for the holidays - especially on the day (including but not limted to: Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Thanksgiving, New Years Day). You come to Casa Peden (which is wherever we are)
I have a policy against reconnecting with long lost "friends".
I have a personal policy against borrowing money.
I have a personal policy against lending money.
I have a personal policy of saving or investing at least 15% of my income.
I have gotten into the credit card points and travel hacking game. I know, this goes against DR, but I use them as a form of payment subject to my YNAB budget, not to go into debt or go crazy on impluse. I pay my cards off automatically in full every month. I have gotten tens of thousands of dollars of value in free flights, hotels, and upgrades. As a frequent traveller, i appreciate a few creature comforts and conveniences. My FICO credit score is 845.
Tried one in Vegas. No.
No.
I have a personal policy [For | Against] [Thing | Activity | ... ], because if I [Agree | Support | ...] then [Have to | Impact, ...], and that would be [Result, Precedent, ...].
Advice. Cancellations. Case studies. Cell phone usage. Classroom behavior. Collaborations. Communication. Conduct. Confidentiality. Customer service. Dinner time. Disclaimers. Discounts. Emails. Following up. Guarantees. Household chores. Media appearances. Mentorship. Mistakes. Partnerships. Payments. Pricing. Re-publishing / re-using your work. Refunds. Rescheduling appointments. Sales. Shared responsibilities. Social media. Testimonials. Texting. Timelines. Working for free.
MIT License
Copyright (c) 2020 George Peden
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