X-men cold open

gistfile1.txt

Miles: "Hey rachel, remember Lo'landra, professor x's space bird girlfriend?"
Rachel: "Miles, everyone remembers Lo'landra, they were together for like 30 years"
Miles: "Wait, they're not still together?"
Rachel: "Dude, first of all she's dead, and shockingly, there are lines even Xavier won't cross but that's not even relevant 'cause they split up during the Morrison run. "
Miles: "Was that a Cassandra nova thing? Do you really think you can explain Cassandra nova in a cold open?"
Rachel: "Is that a challenge?"
Miles: "Fuuuuuuccckk."
Rachel: "Okay, So: Cassandra nova is a (?) - Professor X's evil disembodied physic twin, Whlie they were gestating she tried to clone herself a body based on his but fetus X strangled her so she was born as nothing but a malevolent conciousness"
Miles: "Oh god, what horror have I unleashed? I am so sorry listeners!"
Rachel: "Decades later, Cassandra manages to produce an adult body which she uses to unleash the sentinels on genosha decimating the mutant population then made her way back to the Xavier school, switched bodies with professor X without anyone knowing, leaving him trapped in her body who's vocal cords wolverine had severed. <deep breath> Disguised as X she first outed the institute as a school for mutants then went off into space, broke Lo'landra's mind and generally beat the hell out of the entire Shi-ar(?) empire."
Miles: "And that's when they broke up?"
Rachel: "Nah, a while later Lo'landra came back to earth and tried to assassinate professor X under the assumption he was still Cassandra and the Shi-ar(?) annuled their marriage."
Miles: "Was he still possessed?" 
Rachel: "No, by then the X-men had stuck Cassandra's mind into a glowing space grub thing which later on went on to manipulate Emma Frost into into convincing Shadowcat it was her baby"
Miles: "WHAT!?"
<x-men theme plays>