Developer wedding vows in PHP

developer-vows.php

<?php
    function do_wed() {
        if ($objections != true) {
            function do_vow() {
                $vow = 1;
                do {
                    if ($richer === 1
                        && $poorer === 1
                        && $sickness === 1
                        && $health === 1) {
                        function have_hold($a, $b) {
                            ini_set('session.gc_maxlifetime', 'forever');
                        }
                    }
                    have_hold('husband', 'wife');
                    define('friend', true);
                    define('partner', true);
                    define('faithful', true);
                    if ($i = 'do') {
                        $f = 'finger';
                        $r = 'ring';
                        $f = $f + $r;
                    }
                }
            }
            do_vow();
            $register = array_fill($details);
            print_r($register)
            return $kiss;
        }
    }
    do_wed();
?>