What role does empathy play in your life and how has it helped you?
Empathy plays a huge role in my life. It is my connection to understanding my partner, my family, friends and coworkers. Especially in confusing times. It has help me understand why my parents who are immigrants need to live with me and why I shouldn’t fault them for it. It has helped me understand the frustration and uncharacteristic change of behavior my father exhibits when he battles his dementia and cancer when I am care taking for him. It helps me avoid taking it personally when family members may lash out at me when they are under extreme stress. It helps me understand what motivates and drives my coworkers to take certain actions that can seem unprofessional or personal. It helps me use my coworker’s feedback and perception to better improve myself. It helps me understand why my partner who is a nurse can come home emotionally exhausted and the kind of support she may need.
How does empathy help you build better software?
I think empathy will help me build better software because it will help remove and anticipate interpersonal problems in my team. It will also help me understand what it is the user really needs by helping me identify my personal bias and eliminate it from the design equation. It will allow me to keep my ego or inner-critic in check, so that I can get out of my own way and produce the best possible work. On that note, it will also allow me to take criticism less personally.
Why is empathy important for working on a team?
Please see answer above.
Describe a situation in which your ability to empathize with a colleague or teammate was helpful.
See example in answer below.
When do you find it most difficult to be empathetic in professional settings? How can you improve your skills when faced with these scenarios?
I find it to be most difficult to be empathic in professional settings where someone's behavior is affecting someone else on my team very negatively. When there is competing empathic interest involved. You feel for the one doing the damage, but you also feel for the one being damaged. I can control my response to someone's behavior, but I cannot control the response of others. This can be frustrating situation to mediate, especially as a subordinate.
For example, I had a manager that was in the habit of publicly shaming her employees. I know she did this when she is feeling insecure and stressed, but my coworker didn't, and no matter how much I explain that to them, inevitably they will stay late crying at their desk after our managers latest tirade. I had to stop them from quitting multiple times. At that point in time, I found it very difficult to continue to empathize with our manager's behavior any longer. I attempted to explain the situation to our manager, but in her distress she instead redirected her anger at me and claimed I was being insubordinate to her.
What I learned from the situation above, is that even if you are empathetic, some interpersonal situations require extra resources or a third party. What should have done is gone to HR immediately with this issue. Again using empathy, I should have anticipated my manager's reaction given her state. In the end, my coworker was able to transfer to another role and stay with the company.
In summary: Know when it's time to reach out for help.