A PHP class representing a girl...

girlfriend.class.php

<?php
    
    require_once( 'city.class.php' );
    
    abstract class core_girlFriend
    {
        private $_mood       = false;
        private $_wrongMoods = array( 'busy', 'anxious', 'worried', 'working', 'sad', 'melancholic' );
        private $_city       = null;
        
        public function __construct()
        {
            if( rand() == rand() )
            {
                $this->_mood = 'happy';
            }
            else
            {
                $this->_mood = 'annoying';
            }
        }
        
        public function wakeUp()
        {
            $this->_checkMood();
            $this->_makeMyDay();
        }
        
        protected function _makeMyDay()
        {
            $this->_city = new core_city;
            
            while( date( 'h', time() ) != 8 )
            {
                $this->_city->goShopping();
            }
            
            $this->_go2sleep();
        }
        
        protected function _checkMood()
        {
            if( isset( $GLOBALS[ 'boyFriend' ] ) && is_object( $GLOBALS[ 'boyFriend' ] ) )
            {
                if( in_array( $GLOBALS[ 'boyFriend' ]->getMood(), $this->_wrongMoods ) )
                {
                    $this->_mood = 'annoying';
                    
                    $this->_domesticFight();
                    
                    return false;
                }
                else
                {
                    return true;
                }
            }
        }
        
        protected function _go2sleep()
        {
            if( isset( $GLOBALS[ 'boyFriend' ] ) && is_object( $GLOBALS[ 'boyFriend' ] ) )
            {
                if( $this->_mood == 'happy' && $this->_checkMood && !isset( $_COOKIE[ 'headache' ] ) )
                {
                    exec( 'unzip' );
                    exec( 'touch' );
                    exec( 'finger' );
                    exec( 'mount' );
                    exec( 'gasp' );
                    exec( 'yes' );
                    exec( 'unmount' );
                }
            }
            
            sleep();
        }
        
        protected function _domesticFight()
        {
            if( $_SESSION[ 'fightCounter' ] < $_SESSION[ 'maxFights' ] )
            {
                $_SESSION[ 'fightCounter' ]++;
            }
            else
            {
                unset( $GLOBALS['boyFriend'] );
                
                exit();
            }
        }
    }