- author speaks of promoting a 'familial' feeling in the group for psych safety and promoting connection
- lots of proximity, eye contact, mixing ideas, courtesy, humor, fist bumps, etc...these are called 'belonging cues'
we look often at the rhythms of social interaction rather than the content of those interactions
belonging needs continually to be refreshed and reinforced, like telling your partner you love them.
spurs' coach papavich - masterful at connecting the team, "hug em and hold em" he says, uses food and wine as a bridge to build relationships. but what about when he has to give bad feedback to the players?
pops' 3 belonging cues
- personal, up close connection - translates "I care about you"
- performance feedback- translates "we have high standards here
- big picture perspective - larger context conversations about politics and food transltes: "life is bigger than basketball"
re: the season loss: "during a time of possible anger and reprimanding, he filled their cups"
tony shea (zappos) "collisions" - serendipitous, personal encounters - he thinks these are the lifeblood of an org, the key driver of creativity, sets himself a goal of 1000hrs/yr of collisions "my job is to architect the greenhouse' - tony shea,
when listening, constantly give cues that you are listening.
Don’t shoot the messenger, better yet hug the messenger relentlessly when it comes to difficult conversations, do this for team safety...let them know that you need that feedback!!!
Successful teams have overly ample thank yous, it’s an affirmation of the relationship.Thank yous are critical Popovich always says,"thank you for allowing me to coach you"....its less about thank you, and more an affirmation of the relationship.
thanks yous are powerful tools.
create safe, collision-maximized spaces for teams
Muscular humility - mindset of seeking simple, humble ways to serve the group Ex: picking up the tab, coach picking up trash in the locker room, ray kroc picking u p trash at mcdonalds, etc...it sends the message: 'we are all in this together'
glue of teams = belonging muscle of teams = vulnerability
trust does not breed vulnerability...actually, vulnerability breeds trust.
You are all supporting actors, support is your main job
You have to let yourself go from trying to be the center of attention
Smash and grab doc
The biggest skill is to create great teams
How do you create the conditions for a hive mind? For not just submitting to authority bias? (dave cooper, navy seal)
Ask “Tell me what’s wrong with this idea? Can you poke some holes through this?”
Steer away from giving orders, instead ask questions
bell labs = all people w the most patents had lunch w harry nyquist. mild guy but warm....made people feel cared for, was fatherly and curious, he drew ppl out, got them thinking.
Fatherly
the conversation flow should be like this: Warmth, nurturing, curiousity, warmth, nurturing
the most effective listeners:
- interact in ways that make the speaker feel safe and supported
- they take a helping, cooperative stance
- they ask questions that gently and constructively challenge old assumptions
- make occasional suggestions to open up to alternative paths
most Effective listeners are like trampolines....not passive sponges but active responders, absorbing what person gives, supporting them, and adding energy to the conversation to further the idea/thought/conversation.
have the willpower to NOT give suggestions/solutions...instead invite others to say more...say,“Say more about that”.
aim for candor, avoid brutal honesty.
mission statement = 2-4 signals that an entire massive org can align around, similar to how starlings are able to switch on a dime, bc they are constantly attuned to the same 2-4 signals that are constantly being played..this way they behave like a single entity.
starlings cohesion = relentless attention to a small set of signals....each starling tracks the 6-7 birds closest to it, sending/recieving cues of acelleration, speed, distance, etc....
starlings behave so intelligently b/c they constantly pay close attention to a small group of key markers
building high purpose environments - "heres where we are, heres where we wanna go"....think the 'all links vision' at bitly.
mental contrasting
- think of a goal you have
- picture a future where you've achieved it
- picture the blockers to that goal
stories = best invention ever created for mental models to drive behavior. this is why mission statements are so important
my thought: gearing life toward energy...what gives you energy, foods that give you energy, activities that give you energy, people that give you energy, giving others energy
"be aware of your emotional wake"
"are you an agent or a gatekeeper?"