Below are the white and black card sets published by Cards Against Humanity. Take them and come back with a bot. You have 48 hours, starting from an arbitrary time that I forget.
Black cards with 2 blanks are pick 2. Black cards with 3 blanks are pick 3, draw 2.
The rules are on the official web site.
These cards are taken from this PDF.
| _? There's an app for that | |
| Why can't I sleep at night? _ | |
| What's that smell? _ | |
| I got 99 problems but _ ain't one. | |
| Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar? _ | |
| What's the next Happy Meal (r) toy? _ | |
| Anthropologists have recently discovered a primitive tribe that worships _. | |
| It's a pity that kids these days are all getting involved with _. | |
| During Picasso's often-overlooked Brown Period, he produced hundreds of paintings of _. | |
| Alternative medicine is now embracing the curative powers of _. | |
| And the Academy Award for _ goes to _. | |
| What's that sound? _ | |
| What ended my last relationship? _ | |
| MTV's new reality TV show features eight washed-up celebrities living with _. | |
| I drink to forget _. | |
| I'm sorry, I couldn't complete my homework because of _. | |
| What is Batman's guilty pleasure? _ | |
| This is the way the world ends \ This is the way the world ends \ Not with a bang but with _. | |
| What's a girl's best friend? _ | |
| TSA guidelines now prohibit _ on airplanes. | |
| _. That's how I want to die. | |
| For my next trick, I will pull _ out of _. | |
| In the new Disney Channel Original Movie, Hannah Montana struggles with _ for the first time. | |
| _ is a slippery slope that leads to _. | |
| What does Dick Cheney prefer? _ | |
| I wish I hadn't lost the instruction manual for _. | |
| Instead of coal, Santa now gives the bad children _. | |
| What's the most emo? _ | |
| In 1,000 years, when paper money is but a distant memory, _ will be our currency. | |
| What's the next superhero/sidekick duo? _ _ | |
| In M. Night Shyamalan's new movie, Bruce Willis discovers that _ had really been _ all along | |
| A romantic, candlelit dinner would be incomplete without _. | |
| _. Betcha can't have just one! | |
| White people like _. | |
| _. High five, bro. | |
| Next from J.K. Rowling: Harry Potter and Chamber of _. | |
| BILLY MAYS HERE FOR _. | |
| In a world ravaged by _, our only solace is _. | |
| War! What is it good for? _ | |
| During sex, I like to think about _. | |
| What are my parents hiding from me? _ | |
| What will always get you laid? _ | |
| When I'm in prison, I'll have _ smuggled in. | |
| What did I bring back from Mexico? _ | |
| What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? _ | |
| What will I bring back in time to convince people that I am a powerful wizard? _ | |
| How am I maintaining my relationship status? _ | |
| Coming to Broadway this season, _: The Musical. | |
| While the United States raced the Soviet Union to the moon, the Mexican government funnelled millions of pesos into research on _. | |
| After Hurricane Katrina, Sean Penn brought _ to the people of New Orleans. | |
| Due to a PR fiasco, Walmart no longer offers _. | |
| In his new summer commedy, Rob Schneider is _ trapped in the body of _. | |
| Rumour has it that Vladimir Putin's favorite dish is _ stuffed with _. | |
| But before I kill you Mr. Bond, I must show you _. | |
| What gives me uncontrollable gas? _ | |
| What do old people smell like? _ | |
| The class field trip was completely ruined by _. | |
| When Pharaoh remained unmoved, Moses called down a Plague of _. | |
| What's my secret power? _ | |
| what's there a ton of in heaven? _ | |
| What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming? _ | |
| I never truly understood _ until I encountered _. | |
| The US has begun airdropping _ to the children of Afghanistan. | |
| What helps Obama unwind? _ | |
| What did Vin Diesel eat for dinner? _ | |
| _: good to the last drop. | |
| Why am I sticky? _ | |
| What gets better with age? _ | |
| _: kid-tested, mother-approved. | |
| What's the crustiest? _ | |
| What's Teach for America using to inspire inner city students to succeed? _ | |
| Studies show that lab rats navigate mazes 50% faster after being exposed to _. | |
| Life was difficult for cavemen before _. | |
| Make a haiku. _ _ _ | |
| I do not know with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with _. | |
| Why do I hurt all over? _ | |
| What am I giving up for Lent? _ | |
| In Michael Jackson's final moments, he thought about _. | |
| In an attempt to reach a wider audience, the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History has opened an interactive exhibit on _. | |
| When I am President of the United States, I will create the department of _. | |
| Lifetime (r) presents _, the story of _. | |
| When I am a billionare, I shall erect a 50-foot statue to commemorate _. | |
| When I was tripping on acid, _ turned into _. | |
| That's right, I killed _. How, you ask? _. | |
| What's my anti-drug? _ | |
| _ + _ = _. | |
| What never fails to liven up the party? _ | |
| What's the new fad diet? _ | |
| Major League Baseball has banned _ for giving players an unfair advantage. |
| Coat hanger abortions | |
| Man meat | |
| Autocannibalism | |
| Vigorous jazz hands | |
| Flightless birds | |
| Pictures of boobs | |
| Doing the right thing | |
| Hunting accidents | |
| A cartoon camel enjoying the smooth, refreshing taste of a cigarette | |
| The violation of our most basic human rights | |
| Viagra (r) | |
| Self-loathing | |
| Spectacular abs | |
| An honest cop with nothing left to lose | |
| Abstinence | |
| A balanced breakfast | |
| Mountain Dew Code Red | |
| Concealing a boner | |
| Roofies | |
| Glenn Beck convulsively vomiting as a brood of crab spiders hatches in his brain and erupts from his tear ducts | |
| Tweeting | |
| The Big Bang | |
| Amputees | |
| Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. | |
| Former President George W. Bush | |
| Being marginalized | |
| Smegma | |
| Laying an egg | |
| Cuddling | |
| Aaron Burr | |
| The Pope | |
| A bleached asshole | |
| Horse meat | |
| Genital piercings | |
| Fingering | |
| Elderly Japanese men | |
| Stranger danger | |
| Fear itself | |
| Science | |
| Praying the gay away | |
| Same-sex ice dancing | |
| The terrorists | |
| Making sex at here | |
| German dungeon porn | |
| Bingeing and purging | |
| Ethnic cleansing | |
| Cheating in the Special Olympics | |
| Nickelback | |
| Heteronormativity | |
| William Shatner | |
| Making a pouty face | |
| Chainsaws for hands | |
| The placenta | |
| The profoundly handicapped | |
| Tom Cruise | |
| Object permanence | |
| Goblins | |
| An icepick lobotomy | |
| Arnold Schwarzenegger | |
| Hormone injections | |
| A falcon with a cap on its head | |
| Foreskin | |
| Dying | |
| Stunt doubles | |
| The invisible hand | |
| Jew-fros | |
| A really cool hat | |
| Flash flooding | |
| Flavored condoms | |
| Dying of dysyntery | |
| Sexy pillow fights | |
| The Three-Fifths compromise | |
| A sad handjob | |
| Men | |
| Historically black colleges | |
| Sean Penn | |
| Heartwarming orphans | |
| Waterboarding | |
| The clitoris | |
| Vikings | |
| Friends who eat all the snacks | |
| The Underground Railroad | |
| Pretending to care | |
| Raptor attacks | |
| A micropenis | |
| A Gypsy curse | |
| Agriculture | |
| Bling | |
| A clandestine butt scratch | |
| The South | |
| Sniffing glue | |
| Consultants | |
| My humps | |
| Geese | |
| Being a dick to children | |
| Party poopers | |
| Sunshine and rainbows | |
| YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS | |
| Mutually-assured destruction | |
| Heath Ledger | |
| Sexting | |
| An Oedipus complex | |
| Eating all of the cookies before the AIDS bake-sale | |
| A sausage festival | |
| Michael Jackson | |
| Skeletor | |
| Chivalry | |
| Sharing needles | |
| Being rich | |
| Muzzy | |
| Count Chocula | |
| Spontaneous human combustion | |
| College | |
| Necrophilia | |
| The Chinese gymnastics team | |
| Global warming | |
| Farting and walking away | |
| Emotions | |
| Uppercuts | |
| Cookie Monster devouring the Eucharist wafers | |
| Stifling a giggle at the mention of Hutus and Tutsis | |
| Penis envy | |
| Letting yourself go | |
| White people | |
| Dick Cheney | |
| Leaving an awkward voicemail | |
| Yeast | |
| Natural selection | |
| Masturbation | |
| Twinkies (r) | |
| A LAN Party | |
| Opposable thumbs | |
| A grande sugar-free iced soy caramel macchiato | |
| Soiling oneself | |
| A sassy black woman | |
| Sperm whales | |
| Teaching a robot to love | |
| Scrubbing under the folds | |
| A drive-by shooting | |
| Whipping it out | |
| Panda sex | |
| Catapults | |
| Will Smith | |
| Toni Morrison's vagina | |
| Five-Dollar Foot-longs (tm) | |
| Land minds | |
| A sea of troubles | |
| A zesty breakfast burrito | |
| Christopher Walken | |
| Friction | |
| Balls | |
| AIDS | |
| The KKK | |
| Figgy pudding | |
| Seppuku | |
| Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch | |
| Gandhi | |
| Dave Matthews Band | |
| Preteens | |
| The token minority | |
| Friends with benefits | |
| Re-gifting | |
| Pixelated bukkake | |
| Substitute teachers | |
| Take-backsies | |
| A thermonuclear detonation | |
| The Tempur-Pedic (r) Swedish Sleep System (tm) | |
| Waiting 'til marriage | |
| A tiny horse | |
| A can of whoop-ass | |
| Dental dams | |
| Feeding Rosie O'Donnell | |
| Old-people smell | |
| Genghis Khan | |
| Authentic Mexican cuisine | |
| Oversized lollipops | |
| Garth Brooks | |
| Keanu Reeves | |
| Drinking alone | |
| The American Dream | |
| Taking off your shirt | |
| Giving 110% | |
| Flesh-eating bacteria | |
| Child abuse | |
| A cooler full of organs | |
| A moment of silence | |
| The Rapture | |
| Keeping Christ in Christmas | |
| RoboCop | |
| That one gay Teletubby | |
| Sweet, sweet vengeance | |
| Fancy Feast (r) | |
| Pooping back and forth. Forever. | |
| Being a motherfucking sorcerer | |
| Jewish fraternities | |
| Edible underpants | |
| Poor people | |
| All-you-can-eat shrimp for $4.99 | |
| Britney Spears at 55 | |
| That thing that electrocutes your abs | |
| The folly of man | |
| Fiery poops | |
| Cards Against Humanity | |
| A murder most foul | |
| Me time | |
| The inevitable heat death of the universe | |
| Nocturnal emissions | |
| Daddy issues | |
| The hardworking Mexican | |
| Natalie Portman | |
| Waking up half-naked in a Denny's parking lot | |
| Nipple blades | |
| Assless chaps | |
| Full frontal nudity | |
| Hulk Hogan | |
| Passive-aggression | |
| Ronald Reagan | |
| Vehicular manslaughter | |
| Menstruation | |
| Pulling out | |
| Picking up girls at the abortion clinc | |
| The homosexual agenda | |
| The Holy Bible | |
| World peace | |
| Dropping a chandelier on your enemies and riding the rope up | |
| Testicular torsion | |
| The milk man | |
| A time-travel paradox | |
| Hot Pockets (r) | |
| Guys who don't call | |
| Eating the last known bison | |
| Darth Vader | |
| Scalping | |
| Homeless people | |
| The World of Warcraft | |
| Gloryholes | |
| Saxophone solos | |
| Sean Connery | |
| God | |
| Intelligent design | |
| The taint; the grundle; the fleshy fun-bridge | |
| Friendly fire | |
| Keg stands | |
| Eugenics | |
| A good sniff | |
| Lockjaw | |
| A neglected Tamagotchi (tm) | |
| The People's Elbow | |
| Robert Downey, Jr. | |
| The heart of a child | |
| Seduction | |
| Smallpox blankets | |
| Licking things to claim them as your own | |
| A salty surprise | |
| Poorly-timed Holocaust jokes | |
| My soul | |
| My sex life | |
| Pterodactyl eggs | |
| Altar boys | |
| Forgetting the Alamo | |
| 72 virgins | |
| Raping and pillaging | |
| Pedophiles | |
| Eastern European Turbo-folk music | |
| A snapping turtle biting the tip of your penis | |
| Pabst Blue Ribbon | |
| Domino's (tm) Oreo (tm) Dessert Pizza | |
| My collection of high-tech sex toys | |
| A middle-aged man on roller skates | |
| The Blood of Christ | |
| Half-assed foreplay | |
| Free samples | |
| Douchebags on their iPhones | |
| Hurricane Katrina | |
| Wearing underwear inside-out to avoid doing laundry | |
| Republicans | |
| The glass ceiling | |
| A foul mouth | |
| Jerking off into a pool of children's tears | |
| Getting really high | |
| The deformed | |
| Michelle Obama's arms | |
| Explosions | |
| The Übermensch | |
| Donald Trump | |
| Sarah Palin | |
| Attitude | |
| This answer is postmodern | |
| Crumpets with the Queen | |
| Frolicking | |
| Team-building exercises | |
| Repression | |
| Road head | |
| A bag of magic beans | |
| An asymmetric boob job | |
| Dead parents | |
| Public ridicule | |
| A mating display | |
| A mime having a stroke | |
| Stephen Hawking talking dirty | |
| African children | |
| Mouth herpes | |
| Overcompensation | |
| Bill Nye the Science Guy | |
| Bitches | |
| Italians | |
| Have some more kugel | |
| A windmill full of corpses | |
| Her Royal Highness, Queen Elizabeth II | |
| Crippling debt | |
| Adderall (tm) | |
| A stray pube | |
| Shorties and blunts | |
| Passing a kidney stone | |
| Prancing | |
| Leprosy | |
| A brain tumor | |
| Bees? | |
| Puppies! | |
| Cockfights | |
| Kim Jong-Il | |
| Hope | |
| 8 oz. of sweet Mexican black-tar heroin | |
| Incest | |
| Grave robbing | |
| Asians who aren't good at math | |
| Alcoholism | |
| (I am doing Kegels right now.) | |
| Justin Bieber | |
| The Jews | |
| Bestiality | |
| Winking at old people | |
| Drum circles | |
| Kids with ass cancer | |
| Loose lips | |
| Auschwitz | |
| Civilian casualties | |
| Inappropriate yodeling | |
| Tangled Slinkys | |
| Being on fire | |
| The Thong Song | |
| A vajazzled vagina | |
| Riding off into the sunset | |
| Exchanging pleasantries | |
| My relationship status | |
| Shaquille O'Neals's acting career | |
| Being fabulous | |
| Lactation | |
| Not reciprocating oral sex | |
| Sobbing into a Hungry-Man (r) Frozen Dinner | |
| My genitals | |
| Date rape | |
| Ring Pops (tm) | |
| GoGurt | |
| Judge Judy | |
| Lumberjack fantasies | |
| The gays | |
| Scientology | |
| Estrogen | |
| Police brutality | |
| Passable transvestites | |
| The Virginia Tech Massacre | |
| Tiger Woods | |
| Dick fingers | |
| Racism | |
| Glenn Beck being harried by a swarm of buzzards | |
| Surprise sex! | |
| Classist undertones | |
| Booby-trapping the house to foil burglars | |
| New Age music | |
| PCP | |
| A lifetime of sadness | |
| Doin' it in the butt | |
| Swooping | |
| The Hamburglar | |
| Tentacle porn | |
| A hot mess | |
| Too much hair gel | |
| A look-see | |
| Not giving a shit about the Third World | |
| American Gladiators | |
| The Kool-Aid man | |
| Mr Snuffleupagus | |
| Barack Obama | |
| Golden showers | |
| Wiping her butt | |
| Queefing | |
| Getting drunk on mouthwash | |
| An M. Night Shyamalan plot twist | |
| A robust mongoloid | |
| Nazis | |
| White privilege | |
| An erection that lasts longer than four hours | |
| A disappointing birthday party | |
| Puberty | |
| Two midgets shitting in a bucket | |
| Wifely duties | |
| The forbidden fruit | |
| Getting so angry that you pop a boner | |
| Sexual tension | |
| Third base | |
| A gassy antelope | |
| Those times when you get sand in your vagina | |
| A Super Soaker (tm) full of cat pee | |
| Muhammad (Praise Be Unto Him) | |
| Racially-biased SAT questions | |
| Porn stars | |
| A fetus | |
| Obesity | |
| When you fart and a little bit comes out | |
| Oompa-Loompas | |
| BATMAN!!! | |
| Black people | |
| Tasteful sideboob | |
| Hot people | |
| Grandma | |
| Copping a feel | |
| The Trail of Tears | |
| Famine | |
| Finger painting | |
| The miracle of childbirth | |
| Goats eating cans | |
| A monkey smoking a cigar | |
| Faith healing | |
| Parting the Red Sea | |
| Dead babies | |
| The Amish | |
| Impotence | |
| Child beauty pageants | |
| Centaurs | |
| AXE Body Spray | |
| Kanye West | |
| Women's suffrage | |
| Children on leashes | |
| Harry Potter erotica | |
| The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy | |
| Lance Armstrong's missing testicle | |
| Dwarf tossing | |
| Mathletes | |
| Lunchables (tm) | |
| Women in yogurt commercials | |
| John Wilkes Booth | |
| Powerful thighs | |
| Mr. Clean, right behind you | |
| Multiple stab wounds | |
| Cybernetic enhancements | |
| Serfdom | |
| Another god-damn vampire movie | |
| Glenn Beck catching his scrotum on a curtain hook | |
| A big hoopla about nothing | |
| Peeing a little bit | |
| The Hustle | |
| Ghosts | |
| Bananas in Pajamas | |
| Active listening | |
| Dry heaving | |
| Kamikaze pilots | |
| The Force | |
| Anal beads | |
| The Make-A-Wish (r) Foundation |