I am constantly uncomfortable. People must hate being around me, I bring a dead feeling with me, kill conversations. Like I have nothing to say, nothing to contribute. I'm quieter, fighting to find something to say, but keep coming up empty or mumble some nonsense. This happens nearly all the time now. With my family, friends, co-workers, even best friends I've known for years. I dread everything...
I envy everyone around me. I'm so jealous I get mad just seeing them having fun. I wish I could be like them. I would give up everything to just be like them, to be normal. I know everyone has problems, but at least they're not alone to deal with them. They have each other, their families, other friends or can just meet someone new. I'm all alone. Even when I'm not. Always feel like I don't belong, always feel like an outsider. Isolated from everyone, stuck in my own void.
No one understands me. I don't even understand myself, so how could anyone else? Everyone must be tired of me. All the negativity, gloom and doom. Always the same. And who would want that around? Always bringing everyone down. No one needs someone like that in their life. Life. What is life? I'm tired of life...