Esoteric language with 2 vars and only recursive function calls

index.js

var parseLambda = function(string) {
	var replacements = [
		[/\^/g, "++x;"],
		[/_/g, "--x;"],
		[/\~/g, "++v;"],
		[/\./g, "--v;"],
		[/\$/g, "x"],
		[/\#/g, "v"],
		[/@/g, "return "],
		[/!\(([^)]+)\)/g, "arguments.callee($1)"],
		[/\{/g, "(function(x,v) {x=x||0,v=v||0;"],
		[/\}/g, ";})"]
	];
	for( var k in replacements )
		string = string.replace(replacements[k][0], replacements[k][1]);
	return eval("var x = v = 0;"+string);
}
parseLambda("^^^^^{@$?{@ # ? $+!($,{_@$}(#)) : {@$}()}($,!({_@$}($))):{^@$}()}($)");

//Syntax...
//@: Return
//^: Increment Parameter $
//_: Decrement Parameter $
//~: Increment Parameter #
//.: Decrement Parameter #
//$: Parameter Value 1
//#: Parameter Value 2
//!: Current function
//+: Addition, for efficiency
//: and ?: Ternary operators
//{...}(...): Function
//Nothing else at all