Totally legitimate ordinal number creator

eyesbleeding.php

<?php 

function intToString($int) {
    $first = 'second';
    $second = 'third';
    $third = 'forth';
    $forth = 'fifth';

    $dollarer = function ($count) { return ($count > 1) ? str_repeat('$', min($count - 1, 4)) : str_repeat('$', 5); };

    if ($int > 5 && $int < 10) {
        $dollars = "$$$$$";
        $fifth = array('fifth', 'sixth', 'seventh', 'eighth', 'ninth');
        goto woo;
    }
    else {
        $dollars = $dollarer($int);
        $fifth = 'first';
        goto ahh;
    }

    woo:
        $array = eval("return " . $dollars . 'first;');
        return $array[$int - 5];
    ahh:
        return eval("return " . $dollars . 'first;');
}

Good, but I spotted a few issues which I've fixed in my fork.

• Always avoid literal numbers as it's very hard to tell what they refer to.
• If statements very old-fashioned (they've existed ever since PHP 3!!!). Modern PHP uses switch.