Grammar-police's logic

grammar-police

import json
import urlparse
import urllib
import re

def lambda_handler(event, context):
    text = urlparse.parse_qs(event['postBody'])['text'][0]
    username = urlparse.parse_qs(event['postBody'])['user_name'][0]
    if username == "slackbot":
        print("I don't even listen to myself.")
        return
    print(text)

    # Natalie refuses to believe that in America, the $ comes before the number.
    wrongDollars = re.search(r'([\d,]+)\$', text)
    if wrongDollars:
        return say("I think you mean $" + wrongDollars.group(1) + ".")
    
    sneakPeak = re.search(r'sneak peak', text)
    if sneakPeak:
        return say('Generally mountains aren\'t very stealthy - did you mean "sneak peek"?')
        
    plainAmazon = re.search(r'www\.amazon\.com([^>]*)', text)
    if plainAmazon:
        return say("Here's the Amazon Smile link: http://smile.amazon.com" + plainAmazon.group(1))
        
    couldCareLess = re.search(r'could care less', text)
    if couldCareLess:
        return say("In fact, I have a feeling that you couldn't care less!")
    
    # https://xkcd.com/37/
    ass = re.search(r'(\w+)-ass (\w+)', text)
    if ass:
        return say("More like " + ass.group(1) + " ass-" + ass.group(2) + ", am I right?")
        
def say(text):
    return {"text" : text, "username" : "grammarpolice"}