askjollife.js

const Twit = require('twit');

const client = new Twit({
  consumer_key: process.env.CONSUMER_KEY,
  consumer_secret: process.env.CONSUMER_SECRET,
  access_token: process.env.ACCESS_TOKEN,
  access_token_secret: process.env.ACCESS_TOKEN_SECRET
});

Array.prototype.random = function() { return this[Math.floor(this.length * Math.random())]; };

const stream = client.stream('statuses/filter', { track: ['@askjollife'] });

const answers = {
  yes: ['Yes!', 'yes!', 'Yessss!', 'yep!', 'Positive!'],
  no: ['No!', 'NO!', 'hmmm ... NO!', 'Negative!']
};

stream.on('tweet', (tweet) => {
  if (tweet.user.screen_name === 'askjollife' || tweet.text.indexOf('@askjollife') !== 0) { return null; }
  const isFather = ['jollife', 'neuling2k', 'i_am_fabs'].indexOf(tweet.user.screen_name) !== -1;
  const answer = isFather ? answers.yes.random() : answers.no.random();
  const answerTimeout = 2000 + (Math.random() * 5000);
  setTimeout(() => {
    client.post('statuses/update', { status: `@${tweet.user.screen_name} ${answer}`, in_reply_to_status_id: tweet.id });
  }, answerTimeout);
});