$ time php deep-heart.php real 4m37.395s user 0m46.954s sys 0m0.434s

deep-heart.php

<?php
function foo() { return true; }
function bar() { return true; }
function baz() { return false; }
function bat() { return true; }
function lorem() { return true; }
function ipsum() { return true; }
function dolor() { return false; }
function sit() { return false; }
function amet() { return true; }
function brown() { return true; }
function fox() { static $rep = 0; return ++$rep%2; }

class Lazy {}
class Jumps
{
  public $over;
  public function dog() {}
}


function example() {
    if (fooBarLogic()) {
        loremIpsumAndQuickFox();
    }
}
function fooBarLogic() {
    return foo() && bar() && (baz() || bat());
}
function loremIpsumAndQuickFox() {
    lorem();
    ipsum();
    if (dolorSitAmetLogic()) {
        postLorem();
    }
}
function postLorem() {
     $quick = brown();
     jumpsOver();
}
function dolorSitAmetLogic() {
    return dolor() || sit() || amet();
}
function jumpsOver() {
     $jumps = new Jumps;
     while (fox()) {
        lazyDog($jumps);
     }
}
function lazyDog($jumps) {
     $jumps->over = new Lazy;
     $jumps->dog();
}

foreach (range(0,1000000) as $i) 
example();