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Joseph William's Style Suggestions from Lesson 3
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style.md

Diagnosis

Ignoring short introductory phrases ("In the meantime," "Although," etc.), underline the first seven or eight words in each sentence.

Look for three characteristics:

  1. Sentences that begin not with characters, but abstract nouns.
  2. Sentences that take more than six or seven words to get to a verb.
  3. Verbs that are less specific than the actions buried in the nouns around them.

Analysis

Find or invent your cast of characters. (Who is doing the action?) Find nominalizations that name the actions those characters perform.

Revision

  • Change the nominalizations into verbs and adjectives.
  • Make the characters the subjects of those new verbs.
  • Rewrite the sentence with conjunctions like because, if, when, although, why, how, whether, that.
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