The Mystic Crystal - NSP.lyrics

Oh Yeaheyay!

[The Mystic Crystal]

Long ago and far away
In labarynths of coral caves
A Mystic Crystal was forged in glass
With magic or some shit like that.

Its powers had been used for good
And all men lived in brotherhood
Until the necromancer came
Upon his steed of bones and flame.

His prism eyes with evil gleamed
He stole the crystal, then he screamed:
"Now gods and men and all between
Should blow my necromancing schween!"

The knights and nobles of the land
Did all they could to stay his hand
Yet not a single blow was struck
Alas for he was strong as fuck!

Woah Yeahahey!

He grabbed a princess from her throne
And trapped her in the crystal stone
The king called in his wizards, three
And begged them, broken heart in need:

"Search the forset, search the seas,
Search time and all realities
Two champions are what I need
to bring my daugter back to me"

"Yes my king it shall be done"
The wizards said and so begun
A wonderous spell that soon would find
The greatest men in space and time

And that's where our story begins
And Danny and Brian come in
there is no place from which they reeee
to find out there in je say. quest?

   Hey ninja brian!
   Is that an mystic space portal behind you?
   Oh shit!

We woke up in a foreign land
Inside a castle, oh so grand.
And there atop a throne of gold
Arose the king so gross and old

I've called you from the great beyond
To save my daugher hot and blonde.
You sailed across the sky and stars.
The gods have brought you here unharmed.

  Actually your majesty, you just sucked us through twenty six dimensions of space and time, and I've gotta be completely honest with ya.

My arms are broken
And I don't know why my chest is smoking.

I will heal you with my staff
I'm sure we'll look back on this and laugh.

Now go! Ride toward the sun atop these noble steeds!
You're our spandex heroes now, fulfil your destiny.
And so, we turned and rode beyond the castle walls
With shiny codpiece armor that--uh-- cradled our chivalrous balls.

Ahahaaaa, Ohohoooo ohoho.
Ahahaaaa, Ohohoooo ohohooooo.

The sky grew dark and the road was narrow.
But I knew we'd never be led astray!
Brian brought his magic arrows!
They were blessed to light our righteous way!

  Ah! Brian, do you think you could please warn be before you are about to light our righteous way?
  Oh god! Alright! Fine, whatever man.
  Let's ride!

The trees were twisted and the air was thick
T'was clear his domain was as evil as dick.
We passed through the gloom of the Forest of Fear,
And the Pits of Digust, and the Dark Swamp of Tears.

Then off in the distance so clear,
The cold, grey peak of Mt. Nasty appeared.
Passed the Fields of Annoyance, the Dragon Barf Junction,
And the Treacherous Cliffs of Erectyle Dysfunction.

Now Brian has erectyle dysfunction!
Only brian tho.
   (I know, It's weird.)

We arrived at the Evil Woods Hall.
And dismounted our trusty steeds with resolve.
We hugged them goodbye, and promised we'd never quit.
And they ran straight away, for they gave not a shit.

 Moonlight rose over the door.
Hit all of the jewewls and skulls on the floor.
We felt no terror as we entered the cave.
Unless the Bells of Doom tolled, we knew we'd be safe!
 We knew we'd be safe!
 We knew we'd be sa
                    Aw fuck.

Colored gemstones lit up the wall.
They formed a rainbow trail up to a giant waterfall.

There the necromance, grand
The pricess stood frozen yet still so hot beside him.

  Damn...

Then I heard a voice in my mind.
'Twas the pricess said "Danny, your heart is kind."

Only light can stop dark.
I knew what she spoke of.

To defeat the necormancer I had to use love!

  Stand back, Brian; I'm going to hug him!

He immediately shattered both my legs and threw me across the room.
"I probably should have brought some weapons," I thought as I flew.
Then Ninja Brian picked me up (because he's a good friend).
Then he used my body like a club to beat our enemy to death.

I should've been in more pain then could ever been spoken.
Luckily, I felt nothing because my back's too broken.
Oh! The necromancer was dead, and the crystal broke in three.
I looked up into the light and saw the princess was now free!

  Brian, she's so beautiful!
  Roll me to her!

We journeyed gladly t'ward the King
His lands now green with the life of Spring
He lept up and welled at the sight
Of his girl as she carried me through the night.

Heal this man, Wizards He cried with delight.
Which they did. God, damn! They keep their magicing tight!
But sadly it was time to leave,
So the king said "Fix Brian's ED,"
And "Hooray for Ninja Sex Party!"

  Look, Ninja Brian! The portal back home is opening!

Now fare thee well.
It seems our journey is at an end.

We will be here
If you should ever need our help again.

We walked away,
But stopped to turn before we took our last step.

Brian killed a guy
Real quick to make sure he maintained his rep.

We all have
our battles to fight
and a crystal cage to break through in our lives.

But when hope is gone
we will be there
to help you to rock the fuck on.