pirate speech

piratize.rb

def piratize(text)
  dictionary = {"address"=>"port o' call", "admin"=>"helm", "am"=>"be", "an"=>"a", "and"=>"n'", "are"=>"be", "award"=>"prize", "bathroom"=>"head", "beer"=>"grog", "before"=>"afore", "belief"=>"creed", "between"=>"betwixt", "big"=>"vast", "bill"=>"coin", "bills"=>"coins", "boss"=>"admiral", "bourbon"=>"rum", "box"=>"barrel", "boy"=>"lad", "buddy"=>"mate", "business"=>"company", "businesses"=>"companies", "calling"=>"callin'", "canada"=>"Great North", "cash"=>"coin", "cat"=>"parrot", "cheat"=>"hornswaggle", "comes"=>"hails", "comments"=>"yer words", "cool"=>"shipshape", "country"=>"land", "dashboard"=>"shanty", "dead"=>"in Davy Jones's Locker", "disconnect"=>"keelhaul", "do"=>"d'", "dog"=>"parrot", "dollar"=>"doubloon", "dollars"=>"doubloons", "dude"=>"pirate", "employee"=>"crew", "everyone"=>"all hands", "eye"=>"eye-patch", "family"=>"kin", "fee"=>"debt", "female"=>"wench", "females"=>"wenches", "food"=>"grub", "for"=>"fer", "friend"=>"shipmate", "friends"=>"crew", "fuck"=>"shiver me timbers", "gin"=>"rum", "girl"=>"lass", "girls"=>"lassies", "go"=>"sail", "good"=>"jolly good", "grave"=>"Davy Jones's Locker", "group"=>"maties", "gun"=>"bluderbuss", "haha"=>"yo ho", "hahaha"=>"yo ho ho", "hahahaha"=>"yo ho ho ho", "hand"=>"hook", "happy"=>"grog-filled", "hello"=>"ahoy", "hey"=>"ahoy", "hi"=>"ahoy", "hotel"=>"fleebag inn", "i"=>"me", "i'm"=>"i be", "internet"=>"series o' tubes", "invalid"=>"sunk", "is"=>"be", "island"=>"isle", "isn't"=>"be not", "it's"=>"'tis", "jail"=>"brig", "kill"=>"keelhaul", "king"=>"king", "ladies"=>"lasses", "lady"=>"lass", "lawyer"=>"scurvy land lubber", "left"=>"port", "leg"=>"peg", "logout"=>"walk the plank", "lol"=>"blimey", "male"=>"pirate", "man"=>"pirate", "manager"=>"admiral", "money"=>"doubloons", "month"=>"moon", "my"=>"me", "never"=>"nary", "no"=>"nay", "not"=>"nay", "of"=>"o'", "old"=>"barnacle-covered", "omg"=>"shiver me timbers", "over"=>"o'er", "page"=>"parchment", "people"=>"scallywags", "person"=>"scurvy dog", "posted"=>"tacked to the yardarm", "president"=>"king", "prison"=>"brig", "quickly"=>"smartly", "really"=>"verily", "relative"=>"kin", "relatives"=>"kin", "religion"=>"creed", "restaurant"=>"galley", "right"=>"starboard", "rotf"=>"rollin' on the decks", "say"=>"cry", "seconds"=>"ticks o' tha clock", "shipping"=>"cargo", "shit"=>"shiver me timbers", "small"=>"puny", "snack"=>"grub", "soldier"=>"sailor", "sorry"=>"yarr", "spouse"=>"ball 'n' chain", "state"=>"land", "supervisor"=>"Cap'n", "that's"=>"that be", "the"=>"thar", "theif"=>"swoggler", "them"=>"'em", "this"=>"dis", "to"=>"t'", "together"=>"t'gether", "treasure"=>"booty", "vodka"=>"rum", "was"=>"be", "water"=>"grog", "we"=>"our jolly crew", "we're"=>"we's", "whiskey"=>"rum", "whisky"=>"rum", "wine"=>"grog", "with"=>"wit'", "woman"=>"comely wench", "women"=>"beauties", "work"=>"duty", "yah"=>"aye", "yeah"=>"aye", "yes"=>"aye", "you"=>"ye", "you're"=>"you be", "you've"=>"ye", "your"=>"yer", "yup"=>"aye"}
  dictionary.default_proc = proc{|h,k| k}
  out = ''
  word = ''
  text.chars.each do |c|
    if c =~ /[a-zA-Z'-]/
      word << c
    else
      pword = dictionary[word.downcase]
      out << word == word.capitalize ? pword.capitalize : pword
      out << c
      word = ''
    end
  end
  out
end

txt = <<-EOS
I can write no stately proem
As a prelude to my lay;
From a poet to a poem
I would dare to say.

For if of these fallen petals
One to you seem fair,
Love will waft it till it settles
On your hair.

And when wind and winter harden
All the loveless land,
It will whisper of the garden,
You will understand.

--- Oscar Wilde
EOS

puts piratize(txt)