excuse.js

(function() {
    'use strict';
    var env  = require('jsdom').env;

    // first argument can be html string, filename, or url
    env('http://programmingexcuses.com/', function(err, window) {
        if (err) console.error(err);

        var $ = require('jquery')(window);

        console.log( $('body .wrapper center').text() );
    });
})();

It requires jsdom and jquery.

npm install jsdom jquery