Depression

depression.txt

Dear Everyone,

I have depression.

This isn't the sort of sadness that sticks around for a week and then
goes away. It's not the sort of thing that even has a good reason, although
there might have been one originally. It's the sort of thing that can
stick with you for months or even years, is a recognised illness, and
is one of the worst possible states a human can experience.

I know this news will surprise some of you. To many people reading
this letter, I'm the guy who's always happy. I'm the guy who's
always having a good time, and getting out there and doing incredible
things. However for the last few months, I haven't been having a good
time.

One of the defining symptoms of major depression is anhedonia— an
inability to feel pleasure or enjoyment. You've probably experienced
this yourself to some degree at various times; everything just seems a
little more dull and plain and nothing really seems fun.  With major
depression, *nothing* can seem enjoyable. It can kill your motivation
and your friendships, it can ruin your career, and it can cause you to
give up on your megaprojects in Minecraft. It's the anhedonia that
removes one of the defining *good* features of the human condition:
the ability to enjoy things.

I have a lot of dear friends who have struggled, and still struggle,
with depression. Some of them have been dealing with it their entire
lives. I can only say that I have a new appreciation of their
situation, and renewed respect for their determination and bravery.

So why am I writing about this publicly? Why am I not I just keeping
this to myself and my close friends? Firstly, it's for my own mental
health. I don't want to hide that I'm depressed; I don't want to pretend
that I'm okay when I'm not. Pretending is *exhausting*, I've been
doing it for too long, and right now I need all the energy I can get.

But also, I don't want anyone to have some sort of idea in their
head that mental illness only affects certain types of people. I think
the more of us who come out with our experiences, the more mental
illness will be accepted.

And I do want to be clear that I would like to raise the acceptance
of mental illness in general. I have friends with bipolar, borderline
personality, schizophrenia, anxiety, and a whole slew of other
conditions. And you know what? They're doing amazing things.
I'm proud to have them as my friends.

For those of you that wish to know about the nuts and
bolts of depression from a neurobiological standpoint, I highly
recommend Robert Sapolsky's lecture presented at Stanford University
( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOAgplgTxfc ). Dr Sapolsky puts
forward a convincing case that major depression has a strong
biological basis, and that telling someone to "get over it"
makes about as much sense as telling a diabetic they
should get over that silly insulin business.

I also wish to draw attention to two initiatives in particular: Beyond
Blue in Australia ( http://beyondblue.org.au/ ), who work tirelessly
on providing resources and awareness of mental health, and
BlueHackers.org, which specifically caters to people working in
technology.  Special mention also goes to LifeLine (
http://www.lifeline.org.au/ ) who provide crisis support services
services, and are always in need of volunteers and support.

Finally, for all of you who have been helping to carry me through
this: thank you. I know that I'm not always good at accepting it,
but I appreciate your continuing support and patience more than I
can say.

Paul