This was too ridiculous not to share. (I wrote it before I learned python.) This script outputs a puppet manifest file that is used to manage local scratch directories for each compute cluster user on all our computer cluster nodes. I realize it is an abomination and welcome slaps to the face and derision as long as they're done lovingly.

mkclusterscratch.sh

#!/bin/bash
##########################################
# MKCLUSTERSCRATCH -last modified 10/10/14
##########################################

function help {
    cat <<EOF

MKCLUSTERSCRATCH TOOL

This tool generates a complete clusterscratch.pp puppet manifest file from a
list of cluster users generated by running 'qconf -suserl'. This generated 
file defines the scratch directories that should exist on all cluster nodes.

`basename $0`: `basename $0` [-p] [-h]

You can optionally specify one of the following:

    -p -- Write to /etc/puppetlabs/puppet/manifests/classes/clusterscratch.pp
    -h -- Display this help screen.

With no options given, the clusterscratch.pp file will be created in the
current directory.

EOF
exit 0
}

function preload {
    # load the necessary environment
    source /sge/current/default/common/settings.sh

    # get the user list and export it so it's available to perl
    CLUSERS=$(qconf -suserl)
    export CLUSERS
}

function main {
    #cat <<EOF > /root/bin/scratch.pl
    perl -w <<EOF
##########################################################
# SETTINGS - You might need to tweak items in this section
##########################################################

# list of users who need group write on their scratch dirs
my @gw_array = qw(
    username1
    username2
    username3
    );

# name (and path, if you want) of the output file
my \$outfile = \$ENV{"OUTFILE"};

#############################################
# THE CODE - Don't change anything below here 
#############################################

# put the userlist into an array
my \$clusers = \$ENV{"CLUSERS"};
my @allusers = split(/^/,\$clusers);

# take the @gw_array and turn each item into a hash key,
# because it's easy to test for existence of hash keys.
my %gw_hash = ();
foreach my \$item (@gw_array) {
    \$gw_hash{\$item} = "";
}

# open a new clusterscratch.pp file reference, overwriting any existing file
open(OUTFILE, ">\$outfile") || die "Cannot create \$outfile";

# write the top of the puppet manifest
print OUTFILE <<"HEADER";
# File generated by /root/bin/mkclustersratch script. If you are adding group
# write permissions to this file, please add the corresponding username to the
# \@gw_array definition in the script.
#
class cluster::scratchroot {
    file { '/scratch':
        ensure => directory,
        owner  => 'root',
        group  => 'root',
        mode   => '0755',
    }   
}

class cluster::scratch {
    define cluster::scratchdir( \\\$u, \\\$g, \\\$m ) {
        include cluster::scratchroot
        file { "/scratch/\\\$name":
            ensure  => directory,
            owner   => \\\$u,
            group   => \\\$g,
            mode    => \\\$m,
            require => File['/scratch'],
        }    
    }    
HEADER

# iterate through @allusers and create one scratchdir resource per user
print "Processing users";
foreach my \$user (@allusers) {
    print ".";
    chomp(\$user);

    # get uid and gid
    my @userinfo=split( /:/, \`getent passwd \$user\`);
    next if (!@userinfo);   # skip this user if they're not in ldap
    my \$uid = \$userinfo[2];
    my \$gid = \$userinfo[3];

    # get directory mode
    my \$mode;
    if (exists \$gw_hash{\$user}) {
        \$mode = "0775";
    } else {
        \$mode = "0755";
    }

    # write scratchdir resource
    print OUTFILE <<"END";
    cluster::scratchdir { "\$user":
        u => "\$uid",
        g => "\$gid",
        m => "\$mode",
    }
END
}
print "\nDone.\n";

# write closing bracket for clusterscratch class and close the file
print OUTFILE "}";
close(OUTFILE);
EOF
}

if [[ $# < 1 ]]; then
    OUTFILE="clusterscratch.pp"
    export OUTFILE
    preload
    main
    echo "Created `pwd`/$OUTFILE. Use '-p' to create in /etc/puppetlabs/puppet/manifests/classes/."
elif [[ $# = 1 ]]; then
    if [ $1 = "-p" ]; then
        OUTFILE="/etc/puppetlabs/puppet/manifests/classes/clusterscratch.pp"
        export OUTFILE
        preload
        main
        echo "Created $OUTFILE."
        exit 0
    elif [ $1 = "-h" ]; then
        help
        exit 0
    else
        echo "Usage: `basename $0` [-p] [-h]"
        echo "For additional help, run '`basename $0` -h'"
        exit 0
    fi
else
    echo "Are you stupid or something? Use one or no options, please."
    exit 1
fi