xkcd for today http://xkcd.com/1288/

repalce like xkcd

// ==UserScript==
// @name           Replace Text On Webpages
// @namespace      http://userscripts.org/users/23652
// @description    Replaces text on websites. Now supports wildcards in search queries. Won't replace text in certain tags like links and code blocks
// @include        http://*
// @include        https://*
// @exclude        http://userscripts.org/scripts/review/*
// @copyright      JoeSimmons
// @version        1.0.52
// @license        http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/us/
// @require        http://sizzlemctwizzle.com/updater.php?id=41369

// ==/UserScript==


// Note: You can use \\* to match actual asterisks instead of using it as a wildcard!
//		 The examples below show a wildcard in use and a regular asterisk replacement.


var words = {
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////

//http://xkcd.com/1288/

// Syntax: 'Search word' : 'Replace word',
'witnesses' : ' these dudes i know',
'allegedly' : 'kinda probably',
'new study' : 'tumblr post',
'rebuild' : 'avenge',
'space' : 'spaaaaace',
'google glass' : 'virtual boy',
'smartphone' : 'Pokédex',
'eletric' : 'atomic',
'senator' : 'elf-lord',
'car' : 'cat',
'election' : 'eating contest',
'congressional leaders' : 'river spirits',
'Homeland Security' : 'HomeStar Runner',
'Could not be reached for comment' : 'Is guilty and everyone knows it',
//non xkcd additions
"Google" : "Black Mesa", //https://twitter.com/fakejaku/status/398856295039913984
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////
"":""};











//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
// This is where the real code is
// Don't edit below this
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

// prepareRegex by JoeSimmons
// Used to take a string and ready it for use in new RegExp()
String.prototype.prepareRegex = function() {
	return this.replace(/([\[\]\^\&\$\.\(\)\?\/\\\+\{\}\|])/g, "\\$1");
};

// Function to decide whether a parent tag will have its text replaced or not
function isOkTag(tag) {
	return (new RegExp("(," + tag + ",) | (," + tag + "$)", "g").test(",pre,blockquote,code,input,button,textarea")) == false;
}

// Convert the "words" JSON object to an Array
var regexs=new Array(),
	replacements=new Array();
for(var word in words) {
	if(word != "") {
		regexs.push(new RegExp(word.prepareRegex().replace(/(\\)?\*/g, function(e) {return ((e !== "\\*") ? "[^ ]*" : "*");}), "gi"));
		replacements.push(words[word]);
	}
}

// Do the replacement
var texts = document.evaluate(".//text()[normalize-space(.)!='']",document.body,null,6,null), text="", len=regexs.length;
for(var i=0,l=texts.snapshotLength; (this_text=texts.snapshotItem(i)); i++) {
	if(isOkTag(this_text.parentNode.tagName) && (text=this_text.textContent)) {
		for(var x=0; x<len; x++) text = this_text.textContent = text.replace(regexs[x], replacements[x]);
	}
}